New-style American housewife!

Green shoes and no duck!

2011-05-31T13:11:00.000-07:00

I went to the Nordstrom half yearly sale yesterday and I found the most gorgeous green leather heels that when worn look like I should be dancing the night away in the 1920's!

These shoes not only made my day because they're stunning but also because I found them right after I'd tried several pairs of jeans on that made me want to crawl in a hole and die...awful!! I've decided once again I was born in the wrong time....I much prefer dresses to jeans and all the lovely body enhancing garments that used to go with them...bring on the corset! Okay well maybe not...but let me tell you not even a corset would have made these jeans more attractive on me! I guess that's why they were on the sale rack ;)

Not only did my new green heels help me get over my jeans debacle but it helped me rise above the experience and start thinking about food again rather than a permanent liquid diet ;)

I had been obsessing about this lovely duck recipe from Food and Wine and decided that the perfect way to end a long day of shopping and our holiday weekend was to make it! So I planned out the recipe and went to the one store in my neighborhood I was SURE would have beautiful duck breasts awaiting me...but alas, no duck breasts. :(
For anyone who knows me well this was enough to ruin my day...especially after the jeans!
When I have a recipe I'm DYING to make I'm so bummed when I can't find all the ingredients let alone the major player in the whole deal! Luckily my wonderful husband AND my new green heels helped to turn my attentions toward a ribeye steak and all was right with the world.

Here I am in the Nordstrom dressing room admiring my new green heels....which I decided to wear as they just MADE my outfit!

Peace,

-V

From Bitchy to Beachy

2011-05-23T13:09:00.000-07:00

I'm on vacation in my head today...because I'm in a really crap mood.

Michael is out of town on business, it's Monday, the kids are fighting like cats and dogs and I have a stressful week ahead...hate that!!

I got a new debit card and attempted to activate it and because I couldn't remember our account number off the top of my head the operator made me feel like a fucking criminal and asked me 234,379 questions about me and my life then treated me like an idiot that I didn't know the number some more. Now don't get me wrong I appreciate the security and am happy that not just anyone can access our bank account...HOWEVER! Just because I don't know the correct numbers to spit at you in order to activate a card doesn't make me an idiot!! There are SOOOO many numbers and passwords to keep track of anymore that sometimes I lose track....so sue me!

Honestly I prefer not to manage any of this crap...I feel like a manage enough around here that I can allow Michael the luxury of managing the money portion of the deal ;) This is where I would really succeed as a kept woman...I like dressing up and preparing exotic and gourmet meals and as long as I have ample spending money I'm happy to keep someone else's needs met 99.9% of the time!! Okay maybe that's not a gig I would fully appreciate....but whatever.

Anyway, as I was saying I'm on a vacation in my head...because I'm needing that to not spiral into an abyss of bitchyness (yeah that earlier rant was just pre-bitchyness, I can get MUCH worse!) And on my vacation, which I'm imagining is either Cape Cod or the Hamptons or some such beachy community where wealthy people go to frolic and play while effortlessly dressed in crisp dresses or white jeans with button ups!

When I think of blue blood beach vacations I think of high quality classic attire, like something Jackie or Grace would wear while enjoying a little time off...

I like to dress easy and without a lot of fuss sometimes...and you just can't go wrong with a well fitting pair of white jeans and a button up...perhaps in a colorful stripe or chambray. Switch up the shoes and jewelry and it can go from strictly casual to dinner worthy within minutes. A nice scarf can take the place of jewelry and carries a slightly more laid back look that I find very appealing... though I'm rocking jewelry today because my vacation theme was the beach so my 'Pirates treasure' necklace suited the look!

See now I'm actually starting to feel better! Fashion is so wonderful that way...it allows one to step outside their daily bullshit and put themselves in another place just by getting dressed in the morning ;)
Despite the mean lady on the phone attempting to make me feel like an idiot and the Monday-lack of husband-stressful week ahead blues.....focusing on a pair of white jeans and the dream of a vacation at the beach is exactly what I needed! ;)

Peace

-V

Never judge a recipe by it's greenery!

2011-05-19T11:03:00.000-07:00

This week I had planned the weeks worth of meals like a good little housewife on Monday and shopped for them all as well!

Because Sunday night's dinner was such a heavy one I was feeling the need to lighten up for the week in hopes of finding some more room in my skirts and pants around the zipper and button area ;) SO I made the decision to make this week's theme 'Salads'...but I really didn't want to just stick to the old standbys?

Usually when I decide to do a salad week I toss a (pun intended) ceaser salad and butternut squash salad and maybe a sushi salad in the mix because they're family favorites, this week however I wanted to try all new recipes and expand the repertoire a bit... so to my favorite cooking website I went and found several interesting and new (to me) salad ideas and planned our dinners!

Monday I made a lovely calamari salad with fresh calamari, red onion, kalamata olives, cherry tomatoes and a lemony dressing..it was very nice, but even BETTER the next day for lunch! Tuesday I made a lentil salad with goat cheese and garlic grilled shrimp, it was also enjoyable and made me want to do more with lentils...I seem to think of them only served soup style with sausage but they are such a nice hearty choice for cold salads and really can go with SO many different flavors!!

Onto last night...I had planned on making an escarole and roasted broccoli salad with an anchovy dressing recipe I had found and thought looked good but to be honest when it came time for dinner I was so hungry the thought of it kinda bored me... I even briefly contemplated taking the kids out to eat since my hubby had texted me that he was going to be home late!

I ho hummed around the kitchen for a bit and tried to talk my hungry self into cooperating with my wanting my pants to fit looser self and then in a fit of annoyance I chopped the broccoli up and slid it in the oven desperately craving and wishing instead we had something melty, cheesy, meaty or just plain fatty awaiting our dinner plates!!
I assembled the rest of the salad not expecting much and tried to talk myself into the concept of food as fuel and not for the sheer enjoyment that eating brings to me and as I plated our overly green looking dinner I honestly wasn't expecting much.
BOY was I wrong!!

Not to become one of those annoying women who sing the praises of a salad ;) but it was amazing!! The roasted broccoli took on an almost meaty flavor, the escarole was nutty and fresh and the anchovy dressing had just the right amount of zesty lemoneyness that with the shaved ramano cheese on top gave it a richness that made it all work together so beautifully that I couldn't stop going on about how good it was!! The kids finally told me to calm down as they got tired of my fussing over a salad...but it seriously was THAT good!

I have vowed that I will NOT judge a recipe by what appears to be it's overly healthfullness and/or boringness again!

http://www.foodandwine.com/recipes/escarole-and-roasted-broccoli-salad-with-anchovy-dressing

Peace and salad week!

-V

Sunshiney goodness!

2011-05-18T13:12:00.000-07:00

"It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood a beautiful day for a neighbor..."

Ahh it finally feels like spring and all my spring fashions are cheering! Today I'm channeling the fashions from The Talented Mr. Ripley...one of my favorite summer fashion movies of all time! Light airy swirly skirts, espadrilles or huraches....crisp white blouses. Perfection! Not to mention it's set in Italy which automatically makes it chic, chic CHIC!

I love the ruffled placket on this blouse....it makes a fairly basic white shirt much more fun!

The pattern on the skirt I fell in love with when I first saw it...and the length as well, so retro...it has a watercolor painting vibe with an ethnic twist! I loves skirts (and pants for that matter) with a bit of a wild print...the more colors in them the more you can switch them up with different shirts and shoes and give them an entirely new feel. I also like the look of sofa or drapery fabric as pants or skirts....I think it comes from my love of The Sound Of Music ;)

I finished my wealthy socialite in 1950's Italy look with some strappy, strappy flat sandals and a clear plastic floral embossed bangle ...I felt like simple jewelry was the way to go!

I hope you and your fashions are enjoying the sun as much as I am...CIAO!

-V

Short Rib Ragu....

2011-05-16T11:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my honey had to do a little 'weekend work' which can make for a real downer of a Sunday....I however being in a pretty good mood opted to capitalize on the time by making short rib ragu which I served over papaardelle.
It did the trick and improved both our moods...the wine helped too!

For dessert I made one of my faves...rustic apple tart! It's an all butter pie crust with thinly sliced granny smith apples. The thing that makes it EXTRA special is the fresh grated ginger combined with sugar that's sprinkled atop the apples...it's a taste sensation I tell ya! I usually make a vanilla custard to serve the warm tart in but having spent my entire day cooking (and cleaning) I got lazy and instead served it in a pool of sailor Jerry rum ice cream from Full Tilt..it was pretty darn FAB!

Proving that food can indeed lift the mood...god I love a good rhyme ;)
Needless to say after such a rich to do last night I promptly felt the need to force the kids...not so much the dog...to take a big long walk today, which was nice despite the fact that it feels more like February than May! Oh well, with the joys of a good meal still on my mind I shall look past it and clean out my fridge today with a song in my heart....and a curse on my tongue ;)

Peace,
-V

She's all GROWED up!

2010-12-14T15:51:00.000-08:00

I've decided that when the kids are grown and I have an excess of time to kill I really have a variety of options as to what I can do with the rest of my life!

1. Jingle writer -I've always had real skill at selling things with song.

When Thelonious was a toddler I discovered the magic that is crockpot cooking!
As a busy mother of a child just beginning to careen off of sharp objects and attempt to swallow anything that fit in his mouth being able to stick something in the crockpot in the morning and know that by the time Michael got home we would actually have a meal prepared reduced my frazzled state a GREAT deal...until Thelonious became interested and started attempting to push a stool up to the counter top to see what was happening in that little crock of goodness. And THAT'S when I came up with the enduring family favorite "Crock pot hot! Crock po-o-ot hot! Crocky Crocky Crocky crock. pot. hot!" I assure you it's a much catchier sung than written. Trust me.

2. Musical Theatre - I'm going to be in a production of The Sound Of Music before I die...even if it KILLS me!

Of course my penchant is to play Maria...because she has all the great singing numbers!
But as I see the inevitable wrinkledge that has created my beautiful crows feet and the now constant 'Child reprimanding crease' located between my eyebrows I know there's only so much theatre make-up can hide... and if need be I'll accept the role of Mother Superior in order to croon the ballad 'Climb Every Mountain' and leave not a dry eye in the house!
(I'd happily play 'Austrian Music Festival Audience Member #4' as well.)

3.Cookbook author and/or celebrity chef - If Guy Fieri can have not just ONE but SEVERAL shows on the Food Network there's hope for all of us 'less than Celebrity Types' on the air!

Out of sheer desperation, the need to watch something completely mindless and after searching WAY too long for a festive Christmas special... the kids and I tuned into a Disney/Food Network/ Christmas special hosted by Guy Fieri.
Not to be a total judgmental bitch...okay actually I enjoy being a total judgemental bitch...moving on...
But that guy is a piece of work! Call me crazy but for a holiday spectacular he could step up his look a bit (at least remove those glasses from the back of his head whilst eating in a fancy restaurant!?!)
And shorts...SHORTS. C'mon people, when did we lose our ability to dress for an occasion?
Shorts while riding the rides at Disney and eatin' a corn dog is one thing but while having a specially prepared Christmas dinner by 5 star chefs? That's just RUDE! Watch your back Mr. Fieri! I know how to dress for dinner and I can drop the words 'Man, that's money!' without sounding like a total douchebag! (maybe just a mild anti-itch cream)

4. Stylist - Then I could put together all the fashionable ensembles in my mind that are too small for my butt!

I've realized that my creative potential with clothing is greater at times than my bodies ability to pull it all off...unless I stopped eating, cooking and dedicated my life to cardio... which ain't gonna happen...so the idea of coming up with and putting together the wardrobes of the wealthy/ fashion challenged would be a dream come true for me! And we all know there IS a desperate need for this kind of work too! (See my earlier comments about Guy Feiri)

So there you go! 4 rock solid career possibilities for me once the kids are grown and gone....in the meantime however I write jingles in my head, overly process what to wear each day and practice my Maria Von Trap whenever I can... whilst preparing something delectable for my kith and kin....in preparation for my bright future ahead!

Peace,
-V

Special.

2010-10-27T14:52:00.001-07:00

Today my vintage Gucci flats arrived in the mail...and I love them!!

I came across them late one night while Michael was out of town on business while scrolling through pages and pages of vintage Gucci handbags on both eBay and Etsy. For some reason I had come to the conclusion that I needed one of those cross-body style bags from the 1980's with that Gucci 'G' pattern crisscrossed all over it...I think I was envisioning myself on my imaginary family estate again and thought that this particular bag would go perfectly with my jodhpurs and riding boots.....and perhaps also while at the grocery store because of the whole hands free aspect of a cross-body.

While I was in fact looking for bags I found myself perusing the shoe listings here and there when a pair was listed in my size and out-of-the blue,...just like that (snap) I found MY Gucci shoes. They were from the 80's, with a lovely pointy toe and little sculpted bows...the heeled areas are made out of wood which I found particularly endearing and honestly other than the fact that they aren't a full on kitten heel they reminded me of the shoes that Gucci put out for their Fall 2010 collection proving that what goes around comes around!!
I simply had to have them....so I pressed the 'agree to buy' button and violá!! They were mine!!

I know it seems a little ridiculous to get so worked up about designer clothing, after all there are plenty of well made garments available that are much less coveted for their names and therefore much more affordable to the average Joanne like myself. But for some reason each time I have had the opportunity to even be near some of these iconic labels....you know the ones that even those who are fashion neutered are aware of... there is a sense that they are something special.
And don't we all want to feel special???

Is cashmere luxurious just because it's so soft or is it also because it's harder to come by than say acrylic?
What about truffles....or cavier...or fine champagne???
Isn't what helps to make each feel extra special and luxurious because of their rarity and because they are not usually a part of ones day to
day existence but something saved for special?

When the box containing my lovely shoes arrived this morning I knew that though today had started out as just another Wednesday it had in fact turned into something very special indeed! I ran to my closet where I decided an outfit befitting my new Gucciness was definitely in order!! I decided on a pencil skirt and silky blouse and in order to not completely offend the pedigree of my shoes by my Target apparel I pulled out the Tiffany pearls that my lovely husband bought me for my 36th birthday and clasped them about my neck...and indeed as shallow as it may sound, it made me feel pretty damn special!

Peace,
-V

Giddy Up!

2010-10-26T12:00:00.000-07:00

Back in the 80's when I was just a wee lassie I went through a period of time in which I was obsessed with the idea of being a preppy blue blood from a long standing well-to-do family....otherwise known as one of the blonde goddesses ripped from a Ralph Lauren add. I even had a desperate crush on a boy primarily because he wore rugby shirts and played polo...which was unusual in the town of college/hippyville where I grew up.

I remember going to the drugstore to purchase some 'If you like Lauren perfume you'll LOVE Impact!' or some such oddly named faux designer perfume spray in a metal can....I used it until it no longer had even a spritz left in it.
Then for my birthday I received the real deal....Lauren perfume! It even came with a complimentary body wash and moisturizing lotion which I carefully saved for once I'd run out of the perfume so I could still live the dream, sadly it dried up into a crystalized mess which proved to be a poor choice on my part. Now that I know better I would have layered my Lauren fragrance so I could smell like a jodhpur and plaid blazer with-the-suede-elbow-patch wearing debutante from sun up to sun down!

Once I had the perfume I became very taken with the idea of looking as though I was about to mount a horse for a pleasure ride at any moment, I purchased a long Ralph Lauren skirt covered in horse heads and wore it with white button downs and ankle boots.
I then went to our local Jo-Ann fabrics and bought them out of their sew on crests that would have to substitute for my lack of a lineage in which a family crest existed...what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them. I carefully stitched the crests on tweed blazers and sweaters...I think I even crested some pajamas, because I knew blue bloods even liked to sleep with the reminder that they are superior to those around them.

As odd as it may sound I have found myself recently attracted to the same fantasy-as-fashion-statement that is the 'life on the family estate and summers in the Hamptons' obsession I had back then all these years later.
Perhaps it's fashions cyclical nature or it could be those fabulous new Tommy Hilfiger ads that blatantly rip off the Ralph Lauren ads from the 80's that started it all for me...or maybe I'm just grasping at my youth?

Whichever it may be I am finding tweeds of all colors, woolen plaids, riding boots worn with heirloom pearl necklaces, vintage Hermes scarves wrapped around mussed hairdos due to long rides on manicured countrysides and even that lovely deep brown bottle of Lauren perfume that smelled of it all more appealing than ever!

Happy Fall!

Peace,
-V

There's no place like home...

2010-06-09T10:56:00.000-07:00

Long time no see...again!

What can I say, my life is just so busy and important that I can't seem to consistently share with my tiny Internet audience the minutia of my daily life in all it's glory...okay that was a slight exaggeration...but I think you've come to expect that from me.

This time I actually have TONS of fantastical things to report because I actually DID something outside of yelling at my offspring, loading and unloading the dishwasher and scowling at the large mountain's of laundry next to my empty 'large capacity' washer and dryer....yes, I took a trip to New York Ci-tay as a BIG girl and had my first solo (well solo meaning just my lovely husband and I) adventures since I procreated.

Firs of all let me say I forgot how leisurely it is to travel when one doesn't need to keep little mouths fed, out of other peoples way and entertained?!?! Now don't get me wrong, my kids have actually gotten to an age where traveling with them is FAR easier than it was even two years ago...they roll with the punches pretty well...it's more their lack of awareness of anyone else BUT themselves!! Not to diss the adult culture....more so the adult culture in the United States...but quite a few of them tend to lack the patience necessary to deal with a child with it's own rolling luggage and some sort of a backpack that seems to always be hitting said adult without the child's knowledge ;) Whereas I understand the adults frustration... as the parent of the child with the rolling luggage and the violent backpack it is UTTERLY nerve wracking and stressful..to say the least.

Not so on this trip....I glided through security, only my little carry on rolly bag, which I managed to hit no one with, to keep track of....I got myself a coffee, a cup of fruit and perused my emails in a relaxed fashion whilst waiting for my plane to board. Once in my seat snug as a sardine (I am choosing NOT to rant about the indignity of air travel in it's current state as I'm in too good of mood, that will have to wait for ANOTHER post) I read, slept, listened to some tunes, and the flight just flew right by....

Once I landed in Newark, I took my time getting a cab, I was told by some VERY nice ladies to watch out for the 'Gypsy cab drivers' which I did (thank you nice ladies) and then I relaxed into my air conditioned surroundings and took in the sights on the ride into the city...Beautiful! Yes I find the city beautiful....I find the chaos lovely to watch, the varieties of people seen on the street, the fashion, the opulence versus the run down...I have always loved extremes and New York certainly seems to be a city of extremes.

Of course the other part of loving the extreme is the novelty of living like I did back in my early twenties while we were there! Staying out until three in the morning...sleeping until noon, eating dinner at nine or ten....it felt luxurious to me primarily because that's just not a life I can or.. choose to lead anymore...at least not ALL the time ;) So it felt really fun and novel and crazy...and I LOVED it :) I also found the ability to talk to my husband without interruption utterly AMAZING!

As anyone that has a coupla rug rats knows, they have a knack for telling you something off of the top of their head at any given moment...and it's usually right as you're discussing something important with your spouse....it's honestly something that frustrates the hell outta me...but I put up with it and TRY to just remind them the virtues of NOT interrupting...still waiting for that one to hit home...so yes, being able to talk freely and instead of just sharing the things that NEED to be discussed right now also being able to move to topics of less importance but more enjoyment was lovely.

Lastly I think the best part of our whole getaway was that as the weekend came to a close I felt SOO fortunate to have had the time we did but to also know that everything we share, our children, our home....bills, dishes, long days of work and weeks that suck... even those mountain's of laundry outside my empty 'large capacity' washer and dryer....is everything I ever wanted and being shared with the person I want to share it with the very most.

In the words of Dorothy Gale "If I ever go looking for my hearts desire again, I won't need to look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with."

I will however venture from Dorothy's words and say ... it sure was fun being reminded where my hearts desire was ;)

Peace,
-V

Smooth and creamy.

2010-05-11T15:58:00.000-07:00

Why hello there!
Thought I was gone for good didn't cha...not a chance.

I've actually been feeling a little bit guilty for not having written in a little while...isn't that kind of silly to feel guilty for not doing something that you don't have to do, but choose to do? I think perhaps as a mother and a woman guilt comes so naturally that if you have nothing else in your life to be feeling guilt about you start making crap up!

Another part of being a woman is over analyzing! After I hadn't written for a while I found myself trying to analyze why I had suddenly lost the desire? Was I feeling a lack of creativity? Had my life just been plagued with boredom? Had I lost my love for writing? Was I depressed? The fear of depression actually had nothing to do with my feeling down at all however but is a fear I've had for many years now as it seems those commercials on television about depression have really ramped up over the past decade or so and I have an irrational fear that at any given moment I could catch 'the depression' and then I too won't want to get out of bed in the morning and will start dressing all in gray and wearing my hair bad....the only part of my analysis that really seemed to fit the bill was my life being plagued with boredom which then led to some mild depression....I quickly came out of it when I was offered a Werther's Original though....damn I love those little things!

Speaking of Werther's Originals and television commercials....
The other night Michael caught one of the NEW Werther's commercials...you know the ones with the soft chocolaty filling...and realized that after all these years of him accusing Werther's of being an old lady candy that they were making a youthful resurgence as the woman on
television was obviously supposed to be my age..although being played by an actress in her late teens...and therefore I was the target audience now versus old ladies that have pocket books containing hankies and Efferdent! All I could say was "SEE!"
However as I turned back to the television and saw how many fewer wrinkles the woman in the Werther's commercial that was supposed to be my age had it just made me feel old!

Peace,
-V

The Trouble With Veruska

2010-04-05T20:40:00.000-07:00

Good evening....I wrote that in the same voice that Alfred Hitchcock would say it in.

I am here sitting on my couch writing because none of my family really wants to be around me.....because I am being a bitch. Yes I know that I am and yet I can't seem to stop myself, which is pathetic I know. ...UGH I hate it when I feel this way, cranky and annoyed....and yet I also feel like I deserve to have my moments when I'm difficult to be around as all the rest of my family members have theirs?!?!

Okay I know that's a major cop out and yet I do it all the time....and so does Michael ;) You know when your totally disagreeing with your significant other and then you realize you're kinda in the wrong and then you say 'We'll you're not always right!'....like if you point out that you've dealt with their shit it means they have to deal with yours.

I honestly don't know what's with me lately, I feel on edge and I'm having a hard time finding my groove....even after a weekend? Once again I blame may hormones...."Hormones ya gone done me wrong!".... Poor things get the brunt of all my blame, and yet here I am sitting alone on the couch writing because they have made me an irrational bitch and have taken away my mojo.

I think perhaps the solution for me would be my island that I could retreat to and experience solitude....like that whole 'Red Tent' book that so many ladies seem to love.....and yet I don't want to go away because I'm in a mood....I just want to be handled with kid gloves....like a queen, or a celebrity....Is that too much to ask!?! I don't think so either?

Instead however I am finding my solitude, my island, my 'Red Tent' if you will right here on my couch (it's red!), where I am writing...all alone...because my family has had enough of my mood and I can't seem to shake it.

Peace,
-V

What do March showers bring?

2010-03-25T17:18:00.000-07:00

I've been neglectful of you little bloggy-poo!! And for that... I'm sorry.
I've actually been enjoying neglecting EVERYTHING....it's fun to neglect things sometimes....no offense.

Currently I am due for a dental appointment, a pap and pelvic (love those), the kids are due for their yearly appointments, the dog too....pretty much everyone I'm responsible for is due for the big "How ya doin" check-up and to be honest with you I am in no hurry to do any of it....because I'm feeling neglectful and I don't want to know 'How I'm doing' just at this moment!
Don't get me wrong I'm a responsible, loving parent and animal owner and will be taking care of it all....shortly.

I am also bombarded with parts of home that could really use a spring cleaning/de-cluttering...and that as well I am neglecting even though spring is almost a week old! Okay I don't actually feel so bad about that ;) I mean a week overdue is okay...most reputable institutions allow a weeks grace period! I however, have a sneaking suspicion that I won't get to it in the next week or so either.

I have decided to call my current attitude toward life 'Spring hibernation'....I realize that hibernation is usually considered a winter activity but I have never been one to follow the rules..or at least I believe they are MADE to be broken!

Yes, I have been enjoying being on a sort of semi-vacation in which I just make sure the basic 'Needs' are being met and I think that is OK! Sometimes you have to just take the down time when you can get it...the funny thing is that in neglecting certain things that need doing I have been incredibly productive in other areas, like surfing the Internet and photo shopping pictures of myself... I kid I kid...but the latter could actually really use doing!!!

But seriously, sometimes I find that I create a schedule for myself in which I get all the things that *I* feel need doing done each day and then one day, I have an eyebrow moment (you know one of those moments when you look at your eyebrows and think how weird it is that we all have these strips of hair that grow in the middle of our foreheads) and I start to ask myself "Why was it that I thought THESE were the things that I MUST get done everyday? What about all THIS stuff?" And then I just decide to do none of it because I'm too overwhelmed....so that's what I've been doing. None of it.

In other news of the world.

I've come to the conclusion that my metabolism is being a bitch! Or at least is just really moody right now....or has died!
She just seems to be laughing at me as I attempt to kick-start her by being anal (also known as BORING) about what I eat and trying to spice up my workout?!? Back when I was younger...like 35... I could do a week of good old fashioned sweaty workouts, be careful with what I ate and lose 3 pounds!! Well not anymore....I have been very consistent since January (except for a weeks vacation when I went balls to the wall with high end tequilas and ceviche till the cows came home) and it's pathetic how much my body wants to keep this damn weight I've managed to make too close of friends with over the past year, year and a half!! Well I say "Poop on you stinkin' extra pounds!"

I keep trying to motivate my metabolism by telling her "C'mon, we've done this before...we don't have NEARLY as much to lose as we did in the past...what's 15-20 pounds when we've tackled 100 before?!?!" But she refuses to listen and continues to mock me as I step on the scale and try on the jeans I like a whole lot when I DON'T have serious unsightly muffin-top...ick! I hate you muffin-top, even though you are actually the best part of the muffin!

In my most 'up' moments I tell myself that it's just gonna take a little longer, be patient.... and besides you're not so bad just as you are! However in my 'not so up' moments I question why I'm even trying and wonder why I don't just buy myself a collection of fat pants, tuck into a pint of Haagen-Dazs and accept that this geriatric metabolism is all I have to look forward to for the rest of my life!....At this very moment however I am feeling somewhat centered and positive so I'm giving my metabolism the benefit of the doubt and instead assuming that she is, as well, perhaps just feeling a little overwhelmed, perhaps choosing to neglect her duties and enjoying a little 'Spring Hibernation!'

After all, we could all use a little break every once in a while.

Peace,

-V

I'm not old, I just act that way!

2010-03-02T16:50:00.000-08:00

Let's discuss laziness shall we?

Now, being that I am only 'Practically' perfect in every way that means that I have my shortcomings....and yes I HAVE been prone to bouts of laziness in my day, however as a mother of two and the primary worker bee in my household I have found that my patience for day to day laziness has decreased...substantially.....primarily because as said primary worker bee I am the primary one picking up the slack!

How does a child (I won't name any names) think nothing of leaving his or her finished plate....crusted and sticky from the remainder of the lunch so lovingly prepared by his or her Mother...just laying next to the sink, whilst the dishwasher meanwhile resides wide open in plain view having just been unloaded by the Mother awaiting loading???

How does a child, when unfolded laundry lay in the spot he or she wishes to sit, just push it aside and sit down anyway...thinking nothing of it?

How does a child take his or her moist towel and simply leave it laying on the bathroom floor awaiting a mother to swoop in and pick it up to be laundered and fluffed or air dried on the hook but a foot away?

When does the mind shift from..."Oh someone ELSE will do that" to "I'm gonna have to do that!!"
It's a sad state of affairs folks but....I think I have become the dreaded nagging Mother!

Actually it happened a LOOOOONG time ago, I've just been pretending it didn't.
I have been living a little lie in my own subconscious mind that I'm a 'cool' Mom, the kind of Mom that kids love!
But I'm not, I'm the kinda Mom that kids roll their eyes at.....the kind that kids wish would Just STOP LECTURING!!

I remember as a kid having to endure lectures from my Mother, lectures that seemed to loop right back where they began and start all over again.....now I give those lectures and I watch my kids create the same faces I'm sure I once did except now it's looking back at me.

When exactly did this happen???

Now fortunately as I asses and re asses my reality at this moment, because I do enjoy obsessing, I'm seeing it in a good humored light.... as the inevitable cycle of life.
We all eventually become our Mothers don't we???

Now don't get me wrong, I don't look at becoming my Mother as a horrible thing at all, In fact I have an extremely wonderful mother whom I HOPE to parent like....it's more the oddity of watching myself do the SAME things that I remember being done to me and realizing that I TOO was once leaving crusty lunch plates for her to take care of and ignoring laundry that she would then have to pick up or fold and thinking nothing of it while I'm sure she questioned how her lovely offspring could be *SO* lazy!!?!? And as I think now about being on the other end of the cycle I am wondering when exactly my lovely offspring will metamorphosize into the practically perfect human beings they are destined to become...or at least start hanging up their moist towels?

"What a strenuous career it is that I've chosen!
(Parenting) day in and day out." :)

Peace,
-V

My addictive personality.....REVEALED!

2010-02-24T16:11:00.000-08:00

Hello, my name is Veruska and I am a Scrabbleholic.

Namely the Scrabble application I currently have lovingly placed in the center of my phone which has consumed me and is starting to affect my relationship with words.

I love words, I always have, but I used to like words because of the way they rolled off the tongue, or the way they sounded funny or unlike (or exactly like) their meaning.... even the way they were spelled. My addiction however has caused me to cheapen the English language and simplify it's complexity by minimizing words to 'Most Valuable' especially if I'm dealing with a double word score or a triple letter score. I'm sorry words, I don't actually WANT to think of you this way....you deserve so much more! It's the addiction NOT ME!

In the past I have always liked, even enjoyed the letters A, E, I, O, U, L, N, R, S, and T, however now I find myself treating each like a cheap whore unless their accompanied by at LEAST a D or a G but preferably a B, C, M or P!
I covet F, H, V, W, and Y...but serve me up a K, J , X....a Q with it's friend U or a Z and I feel like I've just had my first hit of word NIRVANA...ahh a secret arsenal of letters that can bring me nothing but big point success....or ruin me, depending on what's currently on the board. But that's just it! It's all about the luck-o-the-draw here, proving that It's NOT always how you play the game, but more often what letters you were dealt! We all KNEW this to be true in life, deep down, but Scrabble...Scrabble PROVES IT!

I do however realize that my Scrabble score can't buy me happiness, life is so much more about the individual word not what score it can get me...but it's so hard not to fall prey to the need for more.. More.. MORE!
If I can get a score of 50 by using ALL my tiles why wouldn't I? Even if the word is lame I'm willing to use it for all it's worth!!! Is that so wrong? Just the words 'You're a Winner!' and a score just a few points ahead of my imaginary friend the 'CPU' makes me feel like I've gotten what I so richly deserve....yes I deserve this, I have loved words all my life and they're finally giving me something back! What's so wrong with that!?!?!

Okay that was the addiction speaking. I'm sorry.

Ideally I would like to say I could give Scrabble up cold turkey and turn all my attention and energy back to less addictive and milder mannered word games like Word Warp or Scramble...but I have to be honest with myself... I'm not sure I'm ready to quit!
I just enjoy it too damn much, it makes me feel whole, important....alive....like I AM somebody!

Never being one to turn to the overly dramatic however, I will end this by simply saying:
Give me Scrabble or GIVE ME DEATH!

Peace,
-V

How did a post about life end up with a quote about a burger?

2010-02-17T18:05:00.000-08:00

I could compose an entire post about how much I hate Ants...but I won't.
Instead I'll talk about my latest ponderings on life....my life.

Less than two weeks ago I was splashing about in the Caribbean surf and spending long uninterrupted days with my lovely husband and our offspring and today I'm feeling tired, annoyed and will be eating dinner without my husband again...how can one experience such lovely spoilage and then be expected to just give it up all of a sudden?!?!?
Life is so unfair....I know, what a brat ;)

This week I feel as though I have the personality of a piece of driftwood, sorry to judge you driftwood, you seem nice enough...just a little boring, and I am feeling the same way.... not particularly motivated or excited about anything, I'm feeling kinda lame really. Doesn't that sound fun kids? I'm trying really hard to remind myself that this too shall pass...and that it's probably hormonal. I tend to think everything is hormonal....it makes me feel better about my bad moods, like their 'feminine' or something.

Michael and I have been staying up WAY past our bedtime to watch figure skating this week and I think that may also be contributing to my feeling tired and my less than stellar attitude at the moment as well...but in defense of figure skating....it's so much fun! And it gives me something to look forward to!
Actually my latest thought is, in fact, that the key to life is having something to look forward to...which is kinda sad I guess because it sort of steals the thunder away from that whole 'Living in the moment' thing.

Sometimes living in the moment is boring though, many of my moments on a daily basis are a wee bit mundane and if I can be focusing on something coming up that's more fun and/or exciting why shouldn't I? Then again if you're constantly living in the future you totally miss out on the now...see people this right here is the whole mind-fuck that is life...is it any wonder that there are people who spend their entire lives just trying to puzzle out what the point or meaning of it all is...like Oprah!
She's always preaching about living your best life!

My question to those that claim living in the 'Now' is the key to living a happy and fulfilled life is: What if my best life is something more fun and/or exciting in the future? What if the dishes I'm currently unloading from my dishwasher and the ants I'm currently battling ARE as mundane and lame as I think they are....is there anything wrong with kinda blanking on them and focusing on things that might put a pep in the step of my future self?

I think NOT! For If I were Wimpy and my life were a burger I'd say: "I'll gladly think about next Tuesday if it will get me through today!"

Peace,
-V

Oh to be topless and timeless...

2010-02-10T15:43:00.000-08:00

I'm about to disagree with a long standing, widely spread belief.

People say it all the time, I think primarily because they want to try and rationalize their current situation...or at least feel better about it.....and that is, "Money doesn't buy you happiness."
Well actually in the insightful words of Johnny Depp, "Money can't buy you happiness but it can sail you right up to the door."
Not only stunningly good looking, but SMART that one.

This past week my kin folk and I spent a week living like rich people...well actually we were just on vacation, however I always envision being rich like being on vacation...permanently.
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't ALL perfect, we had our little tifts and disagreements, as every family does, but I found that they were nothing that lying on the beach, having umbrellas artfully placed about us by the 'beach staff' and having the two 'C's' (Ceviche and Cervaisa) couldn't cure.

I have to admit, I could get used to having a 'Staff'...having our apartment cleaned for us, dishes done, towels washed and fluffed....having the sand that the children tracked in from the beach swept away without us really noticing...having people attend to our every whim with a smile....I could totally get used to that!
I think I could even look past feeling guilty about it by reminding myself that I'm giving said people a job with (hopefully) a living wage....YES I'm a do gooder!

As I watched the people around us lazing on the beach I saw more than a few that were obviously living a life a leisure full-time, I even overheard one woman exclaim in some thick foreign accent that seemed exotic and wealthy to me "We got here last week and we have another 5 weeks before we simply must go home" I couldn't help but try to imagine living such a life and I came to the shocking conclusion that I would TOTALLY be up for the challenge!!
Her and her daughter, along with another bronzed skinned woman spent each and every day lounging on the beach in a prime spot right at the front of the little beach chair/umbrella collection that was waited on by the open air bar staff. Every time we went onto the beach she was there, holding court topless with only a string bikini bottom and time on her hands....okay the string bikini bottom was on her bottom...but you know what I mean!

Oh to be topless and timeless....I think I could actually be pretty good at that, I like lots of free time and I do enjoy going topless as the wire in my under wires tend to get less comfortable than I like as the day goes on...the only problem I could foresee with a lifestyle like this would be sunburns on my boobies...that would NOT make me happy!

The day before we were scheduled to leave I finally broke it to Michael that I thought we should really re-think our lives, I told him I thought we had tried a lot of things and have made some creative and unique choices so far but there was still one lifestyle that we hadn't yet fully explored.... that of being independently wealthy! I told him that I had been thinking about it a lot on our vacation and I believed that this might just be be the time commit to it and do it! Happily he agreed with me whole heartedly.... and then we both finished our margaritas and discussed what time we needed to be at the airport the next day for it was time to sail right back up to the door of reality.

Peace,
-V

CRAPricorn.

2010-01-26T17:04:00.001-08:00

According to my horoscope today, I need to stop giving away my power.

Recently the Fam and I were sitting around and the topic of astrological signs came up.
Thelonious wanted to know what they were for and how they worked so I used the trusty 'Google' machine to come up with a more concise answer for him than..."Well...like everybody has a sign based on their birthday and you can read stuff about your personality and what your lucky numbers are in most newspapers and magazines...and asking someone what their sign is a super lame pick up line"...

While perusing Googles results I came across a list of personality traits based on ones sign and for shits and giggles I began reading aloud each of my kids traits, Michael's traits and finally my own. As I was reading I was fully enjoying with open mouthed jubilant laughter some of the personality traits of my kith and kin that I found to be dead on...certain stubbornness's, forgetfulness's, self-centerednesses, so on and so forth and then I came to my own....and the laughter stopped.

Turns out I'm kind of an asshole.

According to my astrological sign I am very little fun, rather rigid, uncompromising....a miser, somewhat dry....intense and critical...essentially just a collection of descriptive words that all add up to no one I personally would ever want to hang out with....and that's supposed to be ME!
Along with the personality traits each persons sexual personality was also listed...and let me tell ya I feel bad for Michael if I am indeed as frigid and uncreative as my Capricorn self is supposed to be?

Okay it wasn't ALL bad....I'm quite good with money.
Yes, the area in which I am supposed to thrive, above most, is being financially savvy, which honestly makes me feel like a major loser because I have obviously dropped the ball with my 'Gift' or we would be retiring at 40!...which we aren't.

As I read and then re-read who it was that I'm supposed to be I started asking Michael "Do you think I'm rigid?" "Do you think I'm pessimistic?" To which he replied "sometimes!" WRONG ANSWER!
I have always 'thought' of myself as fairly easygoing....not according to my husband and children....no according to them I am a 'my way or the highway' kinda gal. Damn, I thought I knew myself! I mean really, I'm nearing 40....aren't we supposed to become MORE self aware?!?!....Well apparently Cappy's are head in the sand kinda folks...except when it comes to money? Honestly this revelation totally baffles me because I actually have no interest in personal finance at all? Yes I enjoy getting a good deal...and at times I would say I can be a little cheap, but only when it comes to buying for myself!?!?

For instance, Michael and I were shopping for sunglasses, for me, and I tried on a few pairs and the first ones that I actually went "oooh those are nice" were Oliver Peoples glasses and they retailed for 350 dollars....honestly I almost spit up (do grown women do that?...no, do Capricorns do that?) when the saleslady told me the price!! I can NEVER imagine paying that for sunglasses!!! I personally don't view that as being cheap...I think it's smart because I can't tell you how many pairs of sunglasses have traveled through my amphibiously-goaty hands in my lifetime???
As I just wrote that and then re-read it it made me feel bad because I did actually sound cheap.
But wait! Capricorns are also extremely insecure!!! SHIT!

Another sad realization I came across is the fact that Michael and I totally ruined our chances of a successful marriage by marrying one another...turns out Capricorns and Geminis are NOT compatible....I haven't broken it to the kids yet.

Luckily the only saving grace to any of this recent self discovery is that the sites I gleaned all this incredibly insightful information from all have names like 'Mystical blaze' and 'Circles of Light' and other such new-agey hoohaw which bring their validity into question if for nothing else than the fact that they have really bad taste in names...

Okay seriously though, after all is said and done I have decided to bury my head back in the sand, do things the way I want them done....and honestly I don't care what anyone has to say about it...Not even you!

Peace,
-V

Great things are AFOOT...and shockingly it has nothing to do with shoes!

2010-01-13T16:01:00.000-08:00

I've had a creative burst of energy and I DON'T KNOW WHY! (ala Robin Leach)
But I'm not gonna complain about....that's for shit sure ;)

So yesterday, after my lovely neighbors took my children so I could have some quiet time...like a small child (I wish I could nap and eat tapioca pudding everyday too!) they then invited me for a cocktail and some supper.....seriously, it was like I won the lottery, especially since my husband is back to the 'Long hours' and I am trying to maintain a positive attitude about it since it's only 19 days till vacation....Anyway after we ate, it was brought to my attention that a friend of my neighbors, who is a fantastic guitar player, was wanting to form little band that would perform good old-fashioned standards...lovely classic crooning goodness....and my doing the singing was suggested!! Seriously....my fancy has been tickled to no end!!!

The funny thing about all of this is I had been thinking about how I have really wanted to sing more, however the work of getting out there and the realities of where my focus is always seemed to get in my way....and this, this just fell into my lap!!! So I think it was meant to be...especially considering it was sort of my new years resolution to have just a little somethin' JUST for me :) Nothing that takes away from my job as Wife, Mother...domestic goddess....
Who knows, it may not work out as well as I would like...but just the idea gets me PUMPED!

In other news...about me...

Today was the kids morning with my Mother....throughout the month of December the focus of their classes were baking and art and so last week we got together and it was decided that the kids wanted to cook with her through the month of January!
I personally was ALL over the idea because the plan was that they would DOUBLE a recipe so my parents had dinner made ahead and we took a dinner home as well...now That's a win win people!!! I get one morning a week and my dinner already prepared for me :) I did however stay this week...much to my children's Chagrin....I love that word 'Chagrin'...because I wanted my mom to cut and color my hair...which kicks ass by the way....both my hair AND that I have dinner ready to pop in the oven!

ANYWAY, when I got to my parents house my Mother had my Grandmother's old, torn and worn cookbook out for the kids and her to use to make tuna noodle casserole..a personal fave of mine....and as I was looking at it I all of a sudden became aware of my Grandmother's Better Homes and Gardens New Cookbook in a way I never had before....It was AWESOME!!! The pictures, the recipes...some, downright corny and unappealing....and all of a sudden a creative outlet popped into my mind!!

I created another blog when I first started this one...about a year ago...that I was going to dedicate to cooking considering I enjoy it so much....but had never really gotten it off the ground, I attempted a few times to write about what I was cooking, inject some humor into the process of cooking a meal, but I tended to put more of my (little) time into this blog and actually cooking.....as well as Faceplace but that's a whole different post....
It wasn't until this morning that I realized Better Homes and Gardens New Cookbook (published in 1976) was just the kitschy vehicle I needed to cook and then write about....that and the kids bought me Julie and Julia for Christmas...I however am no Julie Powell and Better Homes And Gardens New Cookbook has photos of spiced squash rings and Salmon Party logs....how could I go wrong?!?!?! Not to mention it would expand my knowledge of mid seventies American cuisine....it's like a history lesson....my own history really.

With this one too, I have no idea how it will turn out, right at this moment, just the idea of something to put a little bit of creative energy...and a vacation on the horizon is just what I need in order to get through the winter... and in the words of Ira Gershwin "Who could ask for anything more?"

Peace,
-V

Pork and Martyrdom

2010-01-12T15:54:00.000-08:00

Overwhelmed.

Isn't it kind of a funny thing to be overwhelmed?

I find it interesting that at one moment I can feel like I have it all under control and then in one fell swoop I all of a sudden feel like there is so much on my plate to take care of that I need to just sit down and take a deep breath....the funny part of this being that nothing has really changed...except for the way in which I'm viewing what it is I need to do?

Today I have been feeling just a wee bit overwhelmed....I have been pouring through cookbooks to try and figure out how I want to prepare the pork loin that awaits me in the fridge.

I've been running through my head all the areas of our schooling in which we/them/I need to step it up. I've been evaluating and contemplating my hair....I love to contemplate my hair when I'm overwhelmed because it seems so manageable, cutting, coloring, styling is a project that can be started and completed in a day...and I have been simultaneously exasperated by the arguing and general malaise of my glorious offspring....they're driving me batty!

As I said, nothing has really changed....it's just all starting to get to me.

I think the real challenge is recognizing the need for change but being patient enough to know that it takes time.....Rome was not built in a day and the lack of focus around here will not be solved in one either. At times I find it easy to take it one day at a time and other times I yell, and become a martyr and in general would like to run off screaming in a gigantic ball of said martyrdom.

Last week whilst visiting my Mom Fela brought up how sometimes when I'm mad I say that I want to run out the front door and never come back.....Isn't that an awful thing to say? And yet I am guilty of those words. My Mom, being a Mom as well, laughed and then proceeded to tell the kids how there ARE Mom's that leave and never come back....we both then of course talked about how we could never imagine doing that!?!? Honestly I think it was a sobering tale for the kids....it may have even been the catalyst for our afternoon of fairly focused practice and school work ;)

This week however, I am feeling almost positive that the harsh statements, raised voice and threats I've made are the same exact ones that I have made a million times before and right at this moment I am wondering at what point they might actually be taken seriously...if ever?

Such a sad state of affairs to feel ignored. I have to try and not take it personally as I believe the kids actually like me....well maybe like is too strong a word? ;)

In all seriousness though I know I am loved, respected and usually appreciated...just not listened to!

Ahh the ongoing plight of a Mother.....

Someone must have been listening to my complaints as just as I was writing this my lovely neighbors came by with a birthday present for me AND to invite the kids to play at their house for a bit!! I do enjoy me a moment or two of quiet time....and presents.

Now... how to prepare that pork loin...

Peace,

-V

Chit Chat

2010-01-07T15:14:00.001-08:00

Let's chat shall we?

I like chatting, it makes me happy...it makes me feel connected to the outside world....it helps me to look past the fact that my kids have WAAAY too much energy and as I sit here chatting with you it sounds like my house is going to collapse around me into a pile of rubble and laundry...yes, that much energy.

(Directed at kids) "Can You Calm Down!"

Sorry...so what shall we chat about?

How about me?

Even though this week is a short one, Monday was my birthday....but then you know that (nodding)....it feels so long doesn't it?

I feel like it's because it's the first week that we are really back into things...you know, school, work, all that good stuff.

I'm glad it's Thursday, aren't you?

Yes...yes you are too, I can tell by your silence.

Excuse me for a moment.

Sorry about that, I needed to use the restroom and as I was washing my hands...isn't it gross how some people don't?...seriously, I though that was something that ALL mother's drove home to their children "Wash your hands after going to the bathroom!" (chuckle).

Anyway as I was washing MINE I noticed a few stray eyebrow hairs that needed plucking....I know, how silly of me...and yet I just had to pluck them!

Remember when eyebrows were thick? I think that was around the time Brooke Shields was modeling for Calvin Klein? Then all of a sudden an almost thin line of an eyebrow came into vogue....I love that term, "into vogue"it makes me feel like a granny whenever I say it (laughter from both of us) like I should be sipping a cup of tea out of a floral cup with a matching saucer!

Anyway, those thin eyebrows...well I fell into some over plucking I think, I'm trying to remedy it but as I let them grow out a bit I just hate the stray clump that makes me look unkempt....you know what I mean?....of course you do.

So after I plucked the stray hairs away I realized that my lipstick had worn off....I think it was from tasting the bechamel sauce I made for my "Everything but the kitchen sink' lasagna.

You know me, trying to use things up. Yes...I realize you do (nodding with a faint smile).

So...(sigh) then I went ahead and put on some new lipstick.

Speaking of the Lasagna, what are you planning for dinner?

(brief pause)

Oh, you want to hear about my lasagna? Of course, how rude of me!

Well I had some leftover slow cooked rump roast from New years Eve... I told you about that roast I cooked for two days straight didn't I? Hmm I thought I had mentioned it?

Well anyway I made a rump roast for New Years Eve and I had just about a cup to a cup and a half left and I decided, after watching Throw down with Bobby Flay last night do Lasagna....

Don't you love that show?? It makes me SOOO hungry though...Ha ha ha JINX! You too huh? Seriously!!! Annnnyway....I decided to use that leftover rump roast because Bobby Flay made his with slow cooked beef and pork and a bechamel sauce versus ricotta....I KNOW doesn't that sound delightful? We'll see how mine turns out.....(knocks on wood).

Well I just feel like I'm doing all the talking....what's new with you?

(Long pause)

Well you LOOK fantastic, and it's not even a week into the new year! (laughter by both parties)

Me? Oh well that's very kind of you....but (sigh) to be honest I'm trying to lighten up a bit...all that rich food and all those parties....I just want to feel better and my clothes to fit better....NOT that that slow cooked rump roast lasagna is very light (Lots more laughter)

Ahhh....well thanks for chatting...seriously this was nice.

We should do it more often.

I really do like chatting with you....it makes me feel happy....it makes me feel connected to the outside world.

Peace,

-V

Better.

2010-01-06T15:27:00.000-08:00

I am perturbed.

Yes, I know it's a shock...because I'm usually always so damn chipper....but perturbement has taken hold of me and I think it's the new years fault.

Deep down I think new years resolutions are crap, I always have and always will....I think birthday wishes are kinda bogus too....that's why I tried really REALLY hard this year when blowing out the waxy goodness that were my 3 and 8 candles to wish for something abstract that didn't require me to actually do anything but could only really come true out of sheer luck.

See, I have come to the conclusion that anything you REALLY want to change in your life will be changed when you're really ready to do the work to change it....January 1st, a new decade...a birthday...really means nothing...crap.

If I had wanted to be a better person, a smarter person a more physically fit person I would have been doing it already at the time that a new year and my birthday rolled around....realistically I was actually enjoying being a lazy glutton....except for the being exceptionally bloated and my clothes feeling tight....but besides that... gluttony totally suits me.

Sadly however, I actually HAVE fallen prey to the resolution making surrounding me and as much as I think their crap I'm actually trying (sigh) to be better...hence said purterbement.

The thing is I would love to believe that I am my own person, a free spirit, a 'rogue'...if you will... who doesn't need to follow the trends of the mindless masses!!!

But then it all of a sudden seemed like EVERYONE was trying to be better?.. and I found myself blindly following along not wanting to miss out on something cool... like that of a younger sibling or a few escaped squares of toilet paper on the bottom of a woman's high heel... and suddenly I'm a follower god damn it!!! Yes!! if all the cool people jumped off a bridge I PROBABLY WOULD TOO!?! ?

So now here I am... vacantly jotting down in my head ways I could improve myself....for the sake of a new decade AND my 38th year...(sigh) how could this happen to me?

I've tried my hardest to set the bar low however, I don't have illusions of grandeur or particularly high expectations...I have little to gain really other than the fact that I actually did something that might make me a little bit better person...

a happier person you ask?....Oh ho ho good god no (chuckle) I don't think the meaning of resolutions is to make one happier...I think they are meant to torture ones self by planning to do all the things you didn't have any desire to do just a few short days (hours?) before the decade clicked forward because they are actually no fun... but seeing that a new year has started it's like a clean slate to try, try, try again.... (chortle) so no, my resolutions will never make me happier....just...better.

Better than all the other schmucks around me that 3 weeks into their new years resolution fail miserably because they bit off more betterment than they can chew...they set standards that no human being with any kind of a hedonistic bone in their body could keep.

So as they fail, and as they wallow in said failure I... I will stand tall in the knowledge that I am a doer, I am a winner....I AM better....and with that I will know, that the resolutions that I reluctantly made after watching everyone else make theirs ...and because I didn't want it to seem like I was the only one who wasn't a 'Team Player' ...... well it was All worth it...WELL worth the trouble.

Because then, and only then...betterment will be MINE!

Peace,

-V

Obla Dee Obla Da

2009-12-29T14:03:00.000-08:00

Another day...another mood!

Well, crazily I actually feel positive today despite the fact that nothing has really changed at all? Proof that attitude IS everything....that and a collection of delicious foods...and sexy heels.

Yes, I am a shallow woman and I am fully aware of it, but picking my mood up off the floor and trying to find reasons in which to actually enjoy the monotony of my daily life started with the decision to make whoopie pies for a dinner party we are invited to tomorrow night.

Next was the decision to wear pointy toed brown suede heels today...which was made as I started a tooth pulling workout which turned into just the release I needed in order to fully support and get behind these mood altering, life changing ideas for my life!

The final step was the New Years eve rump roast...because we all need a good piece of ass to start the new year off right... that I salted 24 hours in advance (according to test kitchen salting ahead is key to tender meat) and have placed lovingly into my crock pot for a solid two days of cooking.... it smells so good already, I almost can't stand it!

The catalyst for my improved mood however, started last night when Michael texted me around 4:30ish suggesting we go out for sushi because "It's STILL the holiday season until Tuesday"....he's become such a smart husband that one! Being that my birthday is on Monday, and I always feel shafted by the fact that everyone I know is feeling fat and broke by the time the celebration of the day of my birth rolls around Michael made sure to add my birthday into the 'holiday season' ....and I do appreciate it :) ...that and the sushi dinner and tempura ice cream....how could one go wrong with vanilla ice cream that's been deep fried in tempura batter?!?!?!

So going back to the whoopie pies....since we were on the topic of sweets (hmm wonder why my pants all feel uncomfortably binding?!?)

On the Today show this morning they had a rather lame segment on how to keep your kids from being bored while home during the holidays...I personally utilize the practice of when I hear an "I'm bored" I automatically rattle off a list of chores that need doing....trust me, my kids are NEVER bored! ;)

Well on the Today show one of the ideas was making whoopie pies....I must admit that initially the reason my ears perked up was the name...whoopie always makes me think of the term they used for having 'Intercourse' on the dating game back in the day...the idea of both sex AND a pie just made me feel ALIVE! ... Okay in all seriousness I liked the whole hand-held cake aspect of it....we've had so many cookies and pies and the like that I thought these could be fun...not to mention they're cute to look at!!

I cannot go on and on singing the praises of food and food alone as I must also give credit to my long time love, my confidant, my truly selfish passion in life....shoes.

Sometimes when I'm feeling blue...or fat... or just not as good about myself as I want to...I find that picking myself up, putting on something that is attractive and then accompanying that look with a sexy, sizzling, extravagantly impractical pair of shoes just does the trick! The ones that massaged my mood today are brown suede Anne Klein pumps...and they just did everything I needed them to today....They elongated my leg, made me feel taller and helped me stand in a way that minimizes my swollen holiday figure...and that was all I needed.

I just needed to feel good about myself for but a moment and to know that all is not yet lost...there are rump roasts and whoopie cakes and leg elongating heels in my future....better tomorrows and adventures to come...Life goes on.

Peace,

-V

Sometimes I suck.

2009-12-28T14:35:00.001-08:00

I am cranky with a capitol 'C'

In fact I'm so cranky I just told the kids that I wanted to run out the front door screaming and never come back...for good reason though....they were being total poops.

Christmas, while it's a time for children, seems to be bringing out the very worst in all of us.

That whole 'Better watch out, better not cry, better not pout' crap is just that...crap!

Instead kids become overly selfish and the excitement surrounding all the holiday magic makes them hyper and sensitive and hypersensitive as well.

My kids have been bickering, complaining and whining non-stop since Christmas was over...and I have been doing the same except internally to myself...about how unhappy I am about absolutely everything because that, my friends, is where my hormonal state of mind is.

I have always disliked this little pocket between Christmas and New Years and I am also not a fan of my birthday being but a few days into the new year as with both comes that whole need to self-evaluate (even though all the pop psychologists on morning television say not to look at it like that in order to alleviate holiday depression) and with a new year and a 'brand new age' (as my son puts it) I find I become very sensitive to all the things I have not achieved, haven't fixed and haven't overcome in my life...another year down, another failure...somewhere.

Wow! THAT was negative.....Who's a negative Nelly today? "Me! Me! Me!"

For Christmas Fela got me the movie Julie & Julia and Thelonious got me the book My Life In France by Julia Child, both of which I desperately wanted...and I love them both...however, they have caused that same old desperate feeling of monotony in my life to resurface again....I think ultimately that is the biggest obstacle of being a woman in my position, raising and schooling children, maintaining a home...the monotony of it all...the monotony of it all...the monotony of it all.... I'm just dying for some excitement, something to mix it up. I'm wanting an adventure to fall in my lap....again! I know that's not how it works...but I wish it did.

I actually feel like the majority of the time I do a pretty good job of finding new things to keep life exciting, I try to challenge myself in the kitchen, I have fun with fashion....I make homemade liquor....but every so often I find myself looking around at my life and literally saying to myself "Wow, this is getting boring."...I feel like my spices have just run out and everything I'm doing is bland. Generally that's when I shave my head or get a new tattoo or lose a ginormous amount of weight... something to feel like a fresh new me!...today however I am even feeling with those things that I have been there and done all that..so now what?

I wish I had some fantastical trip on the horizon or some kind of new passion that was calling my name. I wish I had all sorts of new things in which to pour my energies into....I realize it's always so much easier to start something new than to finish what you started, and I am a victim of that cliched phrase right now....in a bad way.

I'm turning 38 in a week and I have so many things I 'should' be grateful for.... I have a husband that I adore and thank my lucky stars for everyday, I have two beautiful children who are awesome and I feel thankful to spend so much time with, I have a home and food and my health...as well as the health of my loved ones! And yet... I am feeling like a selfish and whiny brat because I haven't been as many places as I have always wished to... I haven't done all the things that I have always wanted to and I haven't cared for myself in the way I promised myself that I would....

Right at this moment despite my many blessings I feel like I want to crawl under my covers not to return again until spring and not only with my 'fresh new age' but with a fresh new attitude to go with...because this one sucks!

Peace,

-V

Slugs are people too!

2009-12-17T15:32:00.000-08:00

I am about as motivated as a slug today....sorry little slugs you're probably winners and I'm totally dissing you....

I have no interest in doing anything productive or worthwhile...I would prefer to goof around, bake, contemplate completely unimportant issues....kind of like how a five year old can spend and entire afternoon just twirling around because they happen to be wearing a good twirling skirt that day. Whereas my body may not be wearing the good twirling skirt today my mind definitely is and it has no interest in doing anything other than just that....twirling.

If you think about it is there anything wrong with just blowing off a day every once in a while?

I actually find that sometimes the days where I do very little of anything productive my creativity and motivation is recharged and it prepares me for days in which I do more than my share of productive tasks....at least that's the way I'm trying to spin it today....that and it's the holiday season people...I'm trying to connect internally with the real meaning of Christmas....cookies, rich meals and cocktails!

This blow-off day is also necessary for the shift in my hormonal balance or as Michael told me when he called me and I said I was in a crap mood "Yeah, you're premenstrual" to which I said "Fuck you!" and we both laughed. I think Michael actually has a mental excel spreadsheet to keep track of my up times and the inevitable 'down' times.....and I'm actually perfectly okay with that....sometimes I wish he would follow along a little closer actually, so he would cut me even more slack when I'm most likely foul for 'hormonal reasons' and perhaps bring home dinner?...flowers?...small gifts?...to tame the beast that is my bitchy self. It makes sense to me! I may be practically perfect in every way but perfect people need love and understanding too!

Speaking of perfection, we were weren't we? I made some butter cookies today from a recipe my mom has and I tried a key lime glaze on them Oh. My. God. they are delicious!!

The combination of the buttery goodness that is simply two sticks of butter and really just a sprinkling of flower and sugar with the sweetness of the powdered sugar and the tarty tart goodness of those lovely little green citrus fruits known as key limes...seriously just a beautiful, beautiful thing. I could probably eat both batches all by myself right now...but then I would breakdown into a ball of hormonal induced tears and willpower shame....so I will refrain.

I had another 'Light and Lovely' dinner planned tonight but as I sit here typing it appeals just about as much as eating a piece of cardboard...UGH! I hate it when I have a meal planned that I KNOW I will enjoy once I'm eating it but my mind is luring me towards meals with more sex appeal and entertainment value...It's just not right mind! You need to help me be all I can be....like that Army commercial says I can!

Damn it! Right here is the downside to allowing my brain to just twirl all day...even though it DOES happen to be wearing a good twirling skirt.

Peace,

-V

Why isn't complainy in Webster's dictionary? It really should be.

2009-12-16T15:04:00.000-08:00

"If you're gonna complain, please don't talk to me!"

Those were the words that just came out of my mouth....at least I said please?

Aahh the holidays bring out the best in both Mother and Child!

No wonder there's a carol devoted to the bond:

"Round yon virgin, mother and child, holy infant so....complainy and driving the mother crazy".

Is it really too much to ask that my children fold their OWN laundry???? I have all of 12 pairs of underwear (I've been avoiding laundry lately) and a work out top...they have every outfit they own plus one that doesn't fit and needs to be put into the value village bag!?!

Moving on...."Christmas time is here..." Despite the laundry I am actually feeling very festive! Last night Michael and I put together the remaining components to make our yearly Limoncello...it's SUPER tasty and the tasting process was super duper fun too!

And today I am preparing to make butter cookies to go with and a citrus glaze to go on them because the taste sensation that will be Limoncello and Citrusy butter cookies makes me so excited I could wet myself....I will try to refrain however because I'm wearing my favorite jeans....well my favorite that fit right now!

I am also titillated (love that word because it's both naughty AND nice...which is perfect for the holiday season) about giving gifts to my wonderful husband this year!

We have literally gone about 4-5 years without trading gifts and have focused on the kids and the celebrations surrounding the holidays but this year we said "Ya know...we deserve to be showered with gifts this year too....'cause we're good enough, we're smart enough...and Gosh darn it! People like us!"....okay maybe not quite like that, but you get the idea.

Anyway, we decided to budget a little money for each of us to buy the other a few little gifts and I am *SO* excited about what I got! Of course I can't mention what they are here because Michael occasionally reads my blog (Hi honey, I love you)...all I will say is...Wow! My husband has a Goo-oo-ood wife! ;)

This weeks meal theme is 'Light and Lovely' because I've been feeling the need to lighten' up a little before the Christmas weekend gorge-fest! Essentially I wanna drop a couple of pounds so I can regain it before the New Year....when I will try to lose it again...and more with the cliched New Years resolution to get into better shape, get back into some of the jeans that I have avoided as of late because I *know* just trying them on will make me feel like shit, and to be a better, more decent all around human being! Okay that last part isn't as big a priority as getting comfortably back into some of my favorite jeans, I just put that in there to sound 'deep and thoughtful' ;)

Honestly I hate the 'Lose Weight' new years resolution because I've had it for so many of my almost 38 years and yet, it's a comfortable choice for me....it fits like a glove...or a too tight pair of jeans, as it were. The way I am going to spin this years new years resolution is "I want to lose weight while eating like a fucking QUEEN!" Yes, that's right. I want to eat gourmet and cook gourmet and try to balance that with my desires to shed a few fall/winter LB's! AND I'm going to do it with a good attitude...until it's no fun anymore....No, no, wait, or is it 'weight' HA who's a jokester today?

In other news of the world. I need to touch on the whole Tiger Woods thing as it is all that's happening in the world apparently....It has trumped health care reform, the war in Afghanistan and even Martha Stewart and her 10 Christmas trees...now *that's* a SHAME!

I know you're dying to know what I think about it, so here it is:

I find the whole thing completely boring.

Extremely wealthy famous men have been cheating on their wives with ho-bags for years. Actually men (and women for that matter) who have no money or fame do it all the time too....it's just so damn boring and mundane. It would have been WAY cooler if he was a cross dresser or had a third testicle or something! But this? BOOOOORING.

So there you have it..."If you're gonna complain, please don't talk to me!"

Peace,

-V

#1

2009-12-10T15:21:00.000-08:00

I am trying to resist the urge to purchase something.

Yes, the pleasures of retail therapy are calling my name and I am trying my hardest to ignore them...for Tis not the season to shop for ones self...it is the thoughtful season, a time for giving...and yet all that's on my mind currently is me. ;)

Yesterday I went to see a new doctor about a swollen lymph node I have on my neck, she was very nice, rather thorough for my taste though. Along with her diagnosing my lymph node as probably just my body fighting something off she brought up worst case scenarios, like lymphoma, and then grilled me as to my lack of a primary care doctor and wondered how long it had been since my last pap and pelvic?

Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good pap and pelvic as much as the next gal (cough) but I came in about the lymph node!?!? And other than the fact that there are lymph nodes near the groin area as well I see no correlation between my swollen neck issue and my reproductive organs!! Anyway, like I said, she was nice....I may even go back to her for a pap and pelvic...hell she may even be my new primary care doctor... primarily because she's just 10 minutes away and let's face it...I'm lazy!

After my doctors appointment I decided to utilize the time I had child free, as my mom was baking cookies with the kids, and I took a swing on into my local Marshall's....I love Marshall's... I HATE Marshall's (just like Gwynnie in Emma).... I was feeling like I needed to round out my new fantabulous party dress (with pockets) with perhaps a new heel...or some sparkly jewelry (?) the only problem being nothing they had was nearly as fabulous as what I already own?!?! That being said the reason I have a love/hate with the place is that I tend to be drawn into things I normally would never purchase primarily (I am liking the word primarily today) because of their SLASHED prices... but then I usually don't end up wearing or using said item because it's not something I would usually purchase...except for the whole slashed prices thing....you see my point?

Anyhoo as I looked about Marshall's there were no incredibly alluring party shoes and the jewelry they currently have was kinda bogus...I did however find some leopard print tights that were AWESOME! ...and because I am obsessing about tights recently as the weather is absolutely freezing I was willing to look past the lame shoes and bogus jewelry...so I love Marshall's again..except for when I hate it!

Last night Michael had a work 'thing' so it was just the kids and I for the majority of the evening, and since I was suffering a swollen lymph node and started to feel like my body truly IS fighting something...not so fun off... I opted to put my feet up and watch a bit of a Top Chef marathon. I have never watched this show before and I truly enjoyed it!!! It really made me want to cook...or maybe just do a quickchallenge or whatever it was they were calling that little opening cooking 'to do' they do in order to get immunity or win prizes.

Personally the longer challenges for tons of foodies (that was for you honey 'cause I know how you hate that term) chefs and restaurant owners would stress the shit outta me and then to have them pick everything I did apart and even make fun of my food...that would TRULY cripple me....I guess that's why I love to cook for my kith and kin and friends because I feel like I am honestly wanting to make food that they will enjoy and I have fun making and that's the only point to it...no scrutiny or competition just purely for enjoyments sake.

Television has managed to become almost ALL competition shows now if you think of it...singing, dancing, cooking, dating...weight-loss!?! Seriously we have become addicted to programs in which people compete for EVERYTHING! I'm not sure if I am out of the norm but I don't much care to be a contender (unlike good ol' Marlon Brando) ....competition has never appealed to me....I guess I lack ambition because I truly don't NEED to be the best at anything. I'm okay coming in second....or third...15th? Whatever....as long as I'm number one in the hearts of the people that matter to me...(cue cheesy Ahhhhhhh).

So in conclusion, I have staved off the desire for retail therapy, in diagnosing a swollen lymph node I have secured a primary care doctor and will be getting a much needed pap and pelvic soon, I am dealing with my unhealthy relationship with the retail chain Marshall's and I managed to catch a few episodes of a Top Chef marathon!

Who's a winner?!?! Who's number 1!!!!

Peace,

-V

Practically perfect in every way!

2009-12-08T15:33:00.000-08:00

I changed my profile picture, I don't know if you noticed.

I have never been one that feels the need to gloss over the reality of my imperfections...as I tell the children, "Just like Mary Poppins, *I* am practically perfect in every way!" to which they always feel the need to let me know that my imperfections are WAAAAAY bigger than Mary Poppins and I say "I said practically....lot a room in there."

So back to my profile picture...it pretty much personifies what my day to day life actually looks like....no high gloss lens, no black and white (or sepia...love sepia) to hide the wrinkles.. just a little makeup and a nice necklace I scored at the Goodwill....because jewelry makes me feel put together. Oh! and coffee, I always make myself a cup of coffee when I write. Maybe because I'm not a smoker....and I prefer coffee to crack, but that's a recent change...kidding!

Last night I think I really made a breakthrough....in a re-occurring dream I've had for at least 5 or 6 years. In the dream I, for some reason, have to return to Cleveland (where I went to college) and to an apartment that I have left with all my possessions, including my cats, because I have some unfinished business. Usually the dream consists of me trying to get back there, trying to figure out where the apartment was or trying to remember keys and/or combinations in which to open it's locks.

Last nights 'breakthrough' dream allowed me in the apartment for the first time ever! I said to someone who was with me "Do you think I should ask the landlord about the cats? Or do I even want to know?" The person with me said "You don't want to know." Then I looked under a coffee table covered in dust and there was my cat Tito all curled up and dusty and I thought for sure he was dead....but he crawled out slowly, purred and lay in my lap for a bit...then he died.

I have always felt that this dream was a protections dream because it started right around the time I became a mother. When I first started having them I was usually leaving my baby napping somewhere and trying to get back to them but as my kids have become older and I am gaining more faith in their ability to do for themselves my leaving my cats (who are both dead and gone now) from my college days unattended in an apartment across the country dream has really come to the forefront. I still honestly have no idea what the hell last nights dream meant all I know is that when I abruptly awoke from it, like one often does from a nightmare, instead of feeling shaken I felt very calm and almost like a problem in my subconscious had been resolved....I'm pretty sure my life will be perfect now! No more bumps in the road for me!

It's is still coldy coldy coldykins outside and I have felt the need to make sure I'm keeping my weight up by eating something every time I pass by the fridge! Seriously though, Michael bought some dark chocolate covered peanut M&M's that we put in the freezer and I can't seem to keep my mitts outta them! I thought that putting them in a Ziploc, making it harder to get to them, would help...but no! I should probably just throw them out but that seems so...cruel...to the poor little M&M's...they've done nothing wrong?

Instead I will just spend the rest of the week in a shame spiral every time I dip into them and have a few and then I will blame them whenever I feel my ass looks particularly large in anything....poor M&M's.

This Friday is Michael's work Christmas party....otherwise known as one of the few overnight dates we have each year ;) I have been toiling over what to wear to the only semi-dressy event I am ever invited to and have gone through several incarnations of looks...including a dress I purchased and sent back, a jumpsuit (I was feeling sassy) that Michael vetoed and a dress I've owned for years that I was going to just purchase new 'dancin' heels' to spice up!

FINALLY...just last week Michael sent me an email with a picture of a dress he picked out and bought me. It came last night and it fits to a tee! It is honestly one of the prettiest dresses I have ever owned...AND it has pockets!!! I love Love LOVE pockets! Such a good husband that one....he always makes me feel like a lady.

Besides those dark chocolate covered peanut M&M's that are haunting my dreams and my new party dress, with POCKETS! I'm all tapped out....

Oh wait! I almost forgot my dream breakthrough...I'm pretty sure my life will be perfect now! No more bumps in the road for me!

Peace,

-V

Hot flashes...and whatnot.

2009-12-02T15:09:00.000-08:00

Sweater dresses. Yes, those again.

Well folks it's cold, it's icy, it's crisp...it's really very beautiful outside actually because the sun has been out during the day which makes for lots of light....however it's still cold and my desire to walk around in a glorified blanket has returned.

I am obsessing about soup as well. Tonight I am hankering for wild mushroom soup...you know one of those warm creamy ones that almost tastes like Thanksgiving stuffing and is far more caloric, because of the heavy cream and butter, than any soup should be ALLOWED to be...but with a few garlicky toasted croutons on top is like a slice-o-heaven in your mouth!

Yes this is NOT the time of year in which I am drawn to raw foods, carrots, a crisp apple or two...a nice green salad...really any of those foods not containing some sort of fatty element that just makes everything right with the world when you eat them...which is probably why the glorified blankets are even MORE appealing to me...because they are, of course, worn with the slimming power of control top tights!!! Oh how I love you thick body hugging tights...the ones with the loving tummy panel that makes me feel as though...but for a moment...the figure I was born with is as firm and lovely as I had always hoped it would be...

I also find my mind wandering to boots....lovely, lovely boots that are nice and warm, can be worn with jeans AND dresses and when partnered with the same color as my loving thick body hugging tights creates the long lean affect I have always dreamt of having but only my mirror, my naked self and I know is not the case. I have found myself drawn to not only knee high boots but ankle boots lately as well....they just seem a little more wintry and frost worthy than a heel? Don't get me wrong I still adore my heels...but when the temperature drops a shoe that covers the entire foot...and even a bit of ankle seems extra special thoughtful....to my feet....that are ALWAYS COLD!

I think I have gone into great detail about my 'possible' circulation issues...I say possible because I have never actually seen a doctor about or actually confirmed that I do indeed HAVE circulation issues it's really more of a hunch that I may possibly have circulation issues because my feet sometimes get so cold I have to take a warm shower just to bring them back to the living....

On the other hand just last night I believe I may have had my first hot flash! I know I'm not of menopausal age yet however I have read that perry menopause can occur as early as your late 30's...which I think I technically am. As I sat at the table last night and started sweating, then removed my sweater because it got so unbearable Michael looked at me and said "And so it begins" with a panic in his eyes I haven't seen since I first broached the topic of having a baby just a month after we got married....I kid, I kid...his panic last night was WAY worse than the topic of our future, now present children.

Michael fears menopause like most men fear shopping....he actually loves shopping which is one of the reasons I fell in love with him so I can handle the menopause fear...I on the other hand feel that all in all I have always been a fairly undemanding wife with a few short bouts of insanity...pregnancy or period induced... I think that's actually Michael's fear, that menopause will be one long bout of insanity and he will suddenly lose the undemanding fairly understanding wife he knows and loves and until my menopausal years end he will have to live with someone more like...him! ;)

For now however, he can rest easily knowing that his lovely, understanding wife is still happily menstruating, obsessing about sweater dresses, lovely slimming tight/boot combos and preparing winter appropriate calorically gifted meals for him and his offspring...with the occasional hot flash just to keep him on his toes.

Peace,

-V

To hoard or not to hoard...THAT is the question!

2009-12-01T15:43:00.000-08:00

I have been out to sea for a long time....(never gets old)

Okay maybe not out to sea....in my kitchen, hanging' out with the fam, watching movies...eating...all that good stuff!

But now we're back to the grind for a bit...or until the next festive break that will allow me to eat like crazy and sleep in...also known as Christmas.

Today, because I'm not really feeling into to the swing of it all quite yet, I decided after lunch...and some light history.....to read the kids the book 'Sounder'...and then I sobbed for literally 15 minutes! My god what a tear-jerker!

Seriously, it simultaneously made me sad, angry, thoughtful....what a fantastic book...and so well written, no, I should say beautifully written.

I'm feeling ready for the holidays in more ways than just the usual feasting and sparkly lights this year....I'm looking forward to family time.

As with every time we slow down a bit (Michael had 9 days off..."Joy to the world!") it is a bitter sweet experience. Sweet, because it's so nice just chill out and be reminded why I wanted to marry and have a family with my lovely husband in the first place... but bitter, because it must inevitably come to an end as work and schooling calls us back to our chosen positions and then the days are long again and downtime together not as much as we would both like.

Thankfully there are a lot of breaks this time of year, unlike the February through June stretch where it seems like a never ending work-week with no end in sight, so I feel good natured about returning to the grind ;)

Yesterday I spent my entire afternoon de-cluttering and organizing my kitchen, pantry and our schooling area. I felt like in order to be motivated to work and cook and just 'be' in these rooms I needed to make them more inviting. I'm always amazed at how much junk happens to make it's way into the kitchen and our school space...and it IS junk because as I went through it I asked myself on more than one occasion "Why are we holding onto this?" I think it helped that I saw a brief segment on hoarders yesterday morning on the Today show because as I started really assessing all the clutter I became pretty ruthless and kept reminding myself that I have the 'pack rat' gene in my blood line (I still have clothing, stuffed animals and books from when I was younger than my OWN kids age packed away in our basement!) and it's a slippery slope to hoarder-ville!

Yesterday evening I ended up taking around 10 garbage bags of board books, children's clothes (the kids clothes that is, not mine *DOH*) and kitchen items that I really don't need (What family really needs TWO crock pots?) to my local Goodwill and released them to their future users who will appreciate them...and it felt good! Freeing even!

Now as I look around my kitchen and pantry I feel like I can breathe...I also feel like I can be more creative because I can more easily asses what I actually have to work with versus trying to remember what I have stuffed away in different nooks and crannies....love that term nooks and crannies, it makes me think of old houses with trap doors and hidden staircases...and English muffins! The day before thanksgiving when I completely went over my spice racks and found outdated cumin and pumpkin pie spice I KNEW a major overhaul was in order...now that it's done I feel GREAT! Like Tony the Tiger GREAT!

So in the process of confronting my hoarder tendencies I have realized that as Christmas approaches all I really need are things that won't clutter my environment, my head or my mood. I need restful nights and happy days and time with those that are nearest and dearest to me....I can always, however, use new shoes....seriously, shoes I would be willing to risk the label of hoarder for!

Peace,

-V

Sparkle and Fade.

2009-11-18T15:56:00.000-08:00

I'm obsessing.

It's a pretty regular occurrence this time a year as with the holidays come...holiday dressing!

I love holiday dressing....the more sparkly and sequined and fur-filled the better...lace, feathers, jewels...I love it all!

All this week my mind has been drawn to what I should wear to Michael's work Christmas party....It gives me something selfish to look forward to and focus on...however Thanksgiving comes first! What to wear for Thanksgiving? Well obviously one wants something with a little give in the midsection...nothing worse than a Thanksgiving in which one feels like a stuffed sausage....but I feel like as the official START of the holiday season it has be something with some real pizazz just to tell the world that your ready to get dressy....bring it ON!

Today I went to Marshall's, as my Mom took the kids for a bit, and I looked through all the shoes and dresses and accessories just trying to find (cheap) inspiration....I find that when holiday dressing I am careful not to overspend because most of these over the top glittery numbers don't really translate to daily life...otherwise known as NON-holiday dressing.

Every year I enjoy having a little 'Internal' theme in which to dress by, and this year I have decided to focus my festive dress on the man himself....Michael Jackson....Yes, I'm being totally serious?! After seeing 'This Is It' I have realized that the fashion world has utilized his death to create a resurgence of sequins....They're everywhere!!! And I like it...Jackets and skirts, scarfs, beret's...they're all over the place...Okay maybe sequins are just a holiday thang but I am using them to reiterate my choice to make MJ my holiday dressing muse.

The only shitter about my new obsession with sequins is that in general fully sequined items are NOT cheap because of the work required to make them....especially if they're hand sewn....this is something I can TOTALLY relate to having spent an entire weekend at the age of 12 hand sewing my very own Michael Jackson sequined glove....can you say labor intensive???

I remember my hands cramping up and my eyes watering and everything....and I was still fairly young! It was worth it though as I still have that glove and nary a sequin has come loose....now THAT'S craftsmanship....perhaps I missed my calling?

Last New Years eve I went shopping at my local Goodwill and I came across a stunning fully sequined knee length gown that was my size and EVERYTHING! I almost bought it but it was 19.99...which is pretty spendy at the Goodwill...and considering it was just after Christmas I felt that the hemorrhaging of money needed to cease...so I passed on it. Man am I kicking myself now!!! Jesus woman!! Sequins are HOT again and you missed out on a dress that could truly be the extravagant display of sequinage that you are looking for this holiday season!!! Ahh well as Alanis Morrisette says, "You live you learn".....

Speaking of Alanis Morrisette...while at Marshall's today I heard that song and it took me WAAAAY back (Look up, look WAAAAAY up...quoting the Friendly Giant seemed appropriate here as he's Canadian too!) to my college days when Jagged Little Pill first came out....god I loved that album...I think that may have been the only time I dreamed of being a rock chick?Every cut off of that album was just what I needed at that exact time in my life and I think helped me in some small way to break out of the mold I seemed to think I was supposed to fill...

And look at me now! I'm old and obsessing over Michael Jackson, sequins and Goodwill dresses that got away....Who's a WINNER!

Peace,

-V

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.

2009-11-12T14:34:00.000-08:00

"I've got a blue hotel room,

with a blue bedspread

I've got the blues inside....and outside my head.

Will you still love me, when I call you up and I'm down."

I'm feelin' blue today and I can't exactly pinpoint why...the day is sunny and crisp, my hair is doing wonderful things...and I'm pretty happy with the ensemble that I've put together and how it minimizes all the things that usually put me in a bad mood...and yet, here I sit with my attitude in the dumps finding it hard to pull it out and polish it off.

I have contemplated retail therapy but then I will not only feel bad but guilty for having spent money purely for a mood boost...it makes me feel cheap and tawdry and not in the good sex game kinda way...okay well I am a bit cheap and tawdry because I did break down and purchase myself a new iPhone cover today as my latest rhinestone encrusted cover has lost far too many stones for me to feel comfortable carrying it anymore...without feeling cheap and tawdry.

I have contemplated food therapy but then I'll just feel bad because I already know eating a bunch of fun food doesn't help me in the long run...it just makes me beat myself up for thinking that eating will solve anything, I have discovered over the last 37 years, and too many pounds and points to even WANT to count, that food is something to be enjoyed, not drown ones sorrows in....

So what to do with my moody blues? I have no idea....I have spent the day moping about, trying my hardest to be chipper..."Fake it until ya feel it" they say...I'm faking it, I am....but I'm still not feeling it....perhaps I'm a shitty faker, yes I know that I am...it's all a surface fake not a deep down fake those are the ones that turn into feels.

"It's funny how these old feelings come around,

you think they're gone

no, no

they just go underground"

Dinner is already made, I cleaned the kitchen and polished my new stove, the kids are done with their lessons...now I just have the rest of the day to wallow in my blueness...which stinks.

I wish I was one of those people that was happy all the time! Do you think they really exist or do you think they are really good fakers? Better than me I mean? I have certainly known plenty of people that are miserable all the time...I don't THINK their faking it, why would one fake being miserable? And yet happiness....it's not always as easy to come by as one would hope, sometimes for obvious reasons and other times for no real good reason. Just because.

I guess that's why there is an entire genre of music dedicated to being blue. I'm not aware of one only dedicated to happiness are you? I mean yes, there are a lot of happy songs , of course....but I'm talking about an entire genre called 'The Happy's'......doesn't exist, and you know why? Because there are huge numbers of people that have probably never really felt happy...but the blues? Everyone has, is and will always experience the blues....it's just part of being a thinking feeling human...I guess.

I guess I could go through a list of reasons that I may be blue, I could try and dissect it. Or I could go through a list of all the things I should be happy about...and yet, what's the point? Sometimes it just makes sense to feel what you're feeling without guilt or judgement...and wait for it to dissolve all on it's own.

"I've got a blue hotel room,

with a blue bedspread

I've got the blues inside...and outside my head.

Will you still love me

when I get back to town."

Peace,

-V

Ode to a sweater dress...

2009-11-10T15:53:00.000-08:00

Ahhh it's soggy as hell out today.

So soggy that the kids have refused to leave the house...

Earlier I was trying to convince them to go to my favorite Goodwill..just to look around (at least that what I always say)...and they both took a united front and refused.

Thelonious tried a thoughtful approach by saying 'We probably shouldn't spend the money' but Fela took the upfront approach by saying "That is my least favorite store ever because all we do is look at stuff for you!" So after a moment of pouting on my part I drowned my sorrows in some mystery rainbow flavored Laffy Taffy and I moved on.

I have been obsessing about sweater dresses all day long. I had a lovely charcoal colored turtleneck sweater dress a few years back that I laundered and it got so balled up I just couldn't wear it anymore without feeling like a total slob so into the Value Village bag it went...but I am still searching for one just like it because it fit so nicely and was so darn cozy. I have a cowl neck sweater dress and one with pockets...I even have a charcoal wrap-style sweater dress....but for some reason, other than the balled up factor that is, I really miss that turtleneck one. In this dark and stormy weather we're having there seems to be something especially appropriate about what is essentially a blanket with sleeves and a slightly more figure flattering cut that is....a sweater dress. Today I have on my cowl neck sweater dress, tights and tweed kitten heels....tweed also seems utterly appropriate for the current weather conditions, even though its not necessarily rain proof....

Speaking of kitten heels I'm thinking I may need some more for day to day life, as it were. I already have so many lovely pairs of heels but for all day and in the kitchen I find my higher heels take a toll on my knees and back....yes I know this is a sad state of affairs and I am aware that this knee and back issue is a pathetic statement on the aging process...which I thought I had already opted out of...but here we are? Sadly it seems my desire to NOT age isn't necessarily my choice...poop on you mother nature!

Hold on for one moment.

Sorry, I needed to get my water. I have been trying to drink more water as I have been feeling really dehydrated lately....complete with dry eyes and chapped lips! Luckily I am a HUGE fan of Burt's Bees colored lip shimmers so I can have a luscious brownish-pinkish pout while still treating my lips to some menthol therapy goodness. My favorite shimmer color is Coffee and the reason I like it so much is because one time when I was shopping at the liquor store...Mmmm the liquor store... I actually had a clerk approach me and ask me what color lipstick I was wearing? She said that it looked so fantastic with my skin tone that she wanted to get some as well...well, we all know that a random compliment from a stranger is all it takes to get me hooked on a lip color, or a hairstyle, for that matter... so there ya go!

Tonight we eat like the FRENCH! French onion soup that is, I put it together early this morning and I have been smelling it all day long...which makes me even MORE excited about eating it tonight...it smells de-lightful! To mix things up I have a lovely whole grain seeded baguette in which to slice, toast and use as the bread component to the soup...as I was buying it I was thinking how the seeds with the onion could be nice and hearty and give it a nice texture with the browned and softened onions....hopefully I'm right :)

Last night was family game night...Trivial pursuit junior, thankfully Michael and I did know more of the answers than our 7 and 9-year-old (not for long though!?)...and tonight is 'So You Think You Can Dance'...the only show other than 30 Rock that we religiously tune in for....

it may only be 4:28 but I'm already counting down the minutes until I can cozy up on the couch, next to the man of my dreams, and watch all the fancy danc-ey goodness that the search for America's favorite dancer has to offer...oh-yeah.

And that is about the extent of my creative juices folks. Happy Tuesday!

Peace,

-V

Flair!

2009-11-09T17:09:00.000-08:00

Man the Fall has flown! (say THAT three times fast)

Just two weeks until Thanksgiving and to me it feels like it should still be September?

I guess that's part of getting older...time really does go by quicker.

I remember as a kid feeling like Summer lasted a year.... and feeling like my Birthday was every other decade... now years pass so quickly that I lose track of whole weeks, even months...maybe I'm suffering from the early stages of Alzheimer's?

This week at the 'Ol Goerz residence I am starting back up with my theme meals because I'm needing some focused meal planning before the holidays hit and I'm cooking non-stop.

I feel like we need some good solid weeks of plan ahead foods so I can let my creative juices rest before the cooking extravaganza begins! This week is soup week as the weather forecast calls for days on end of blustery rainy goodness....and soup just fits that bill.

Tonight I have made a roasted vegetable soup with parsnips, carrots, onions, yams... and I added corn, even though the recipe didn't call for it, because it just seemed like it would go nicely. So far it tastes delightful and Fallish, the carrots taste sweet and the pre-roasting of all the veggies give them so much richer a flavor.

While at the store today I also bought several carbohydrates in which to warm and serve WITH my soups....from crusty bread, to bread sticks to crescent rolls...Mmmm buttery goodness.

I know I could always bake homemade bread, as I do have several nice recipes....but once again...resting the creative juices.....

I'm liking the term 'Creative juices'...it sounds kinda dirty and yet it also has a nice flair to it. I like flair! Speaking of flair!

The Fam finally agreed to take me to see the Michael Jackson movie 'This Is It' this weekend, much to SOME of their chagrin (I won't name any names) and then they all had to admit it was actually very entertaining. My favorite part, other than the music, was MJ's fashions....That guy had flair!...sequined pants, sport coats with mountainous shoulder pads, silver lame jackets. I think some of my leanings toward over-the top fashions may have come from my early obsession with Mr. Jackson....I just love being a little on the loud side...or perhaps it's just that I like getting noticed as lately I have been drawn to super bright colors and hats!

I already said I was going to get into hats...that's yet another lovely side effect of having short hair...it seems to suit hats!

After the movie Michael and I drug the kids to Nordstrom to look at all that their half-yearly sale had to offer and I was immediately drawn to the hats! While looking I tried on this beautiful one that was made out of floral felt and had a felt bow gingerly dancing on the side of it...it was absolutely gorgeous...and of course it was absolutely ridiculously expensive....so instead the next day I found one that had a similar 'feel' at Target and I got that one instead. ;)

Michael, while in New York a few weeks back, also bought me a faux fur leopard print hat that I am DYING to wear... but alas I need to wait until the weather gets a little more cold and a little less soggy. At the rate I'm going,... and how quickly time seems to be passing... that should be in no time!

I remember when I was a kid feeling like summer lasted a year...and my Birthday was every other decade...now years pass so quickly and I lose track of whole weeks, even months...Maybe I'm suffering from the early stages of Alzheimer's?

Peace,

-V

Hibernation and meat.

2009-11-05T17:01:00.000-08:00

Oooh boy, it's THURSDAY! And yes-siree bobtail I am hap-hap-happy that it is.

I'm really looking forward to the weekend and snuggling up by the fire because the weather is gonna be crap-a-hola all weekend....which is actually kinda nice because then one cannot feel guilty about doing nothing...except slow roasting meats ;)

This week hasn't actually been bad, it's just been sleepy.

I told Michael the other morning that I feel like the only time I ever see him I'm yawning! Seriously, by the time he gets home (which hasn't actually been insanely late) I'm ready for my jammies and to curl up on a pillow like the wittle dog does, and when he leaves in the morning I'm yawning and still trying to shake off sleep from the night before...It's kind of ridiculous really and it makes me question why humans don't hibernate??

Seriously why don't we? I think hibernation could totally RULE.... I mean I'm not sure I would want to sleep the whole winter away, but what if we all stocked our homes with essentials...like meat and toilet paper... and then we just stayed home, wore cozy clothes, ate comfort food, played games and watched movies until spring? I don't know many people who would be opposed to that do you?

Yes I realize that this might not be the best way to stimulate our slow economy... however I say Fuck the economy, it's done nothing but cause the American people problems for the past year or so...I never really liked it anyway, I was faking it because everyone else seemed to be into it.

Seriously though, I think we humans deserve the same kind of break that squirrels and bears and all those other furry, nature-loving hibernating creatures get....I know not all of us are furry enough, we don't have tails and many of us hate nature...but maybe if we started making hibernation a part of our yearly routine it might make us learn to be more respectful of nature and all she has to offer us....like the falling of Autumn leaves... and sunsets.

I love sunsets don't you? NATURE!

Speaking of meat, no wait, we were talking about nature....well meat comes from nature!

I am trying to decide what kind of roast I will be cooking this weekend. I made a roasted chicken last Sunday night and it filled my kitchen with the scent of Thanksgiving...well Chicken and Turkey smell similar so...anyway I have a ton of roasts in my freezer from the quarter cow we purchased last Spring that I have been saving for the Fall...I think Michael even made a 'Fall Meats' shelf in our freezer (he's so organized) and every time I open it I gaze upon them waiting for the 'right' time to get started carniverously roasting their succulent goodnes....

And here we are!!!! The time is NOW people and it puts such a happy skip in my step that I could dance a jig and sing a tune as I write this....now if only I were hibernating as well...the circle would be complete.

Peace,

-V

You can do it Duffy Moon!

2009-11-03T16:55:00.000-08:00

As Max Fisher says, "I've been out to sea for a long time..."

Actually I just had family visiting last week and that didn't really allow for sitting down and pondering my daily life...it was fun though, both having a visitor AND ignoring my daily life ;)

Ahh Fall is most definitely here now....it gets dark before five and I'm craving roasted meats and spiced desserts and scotch...wait aren't I always craving roasted meats and scotch? Okay so basically I'm craving spices because fresh grated nutmeg, cinnamon and cloves just scream Fall to me, don't they you? Oh and pumpkin...let us not forget pumpkin!

I have also been struck by the desire to hibernate and wear fuzzy sweatery clothing and hats....yes hats, for some reason having short hair in the cooler portion of the year has made me want to wear hats because my head gets cold! I have a rather funny neighbor who has always espoused the idea that the majority of ones body heat escapes through the top of their head...which I guess is true? I've never actually researched it....although now that fuzzy hats are appealing to me so much with my lesser hair I will assume he's correct....how's that for proof?

this evening for dinner I have made fried Zucchini Parmesan which I will bake when Michael gets home. I had a beautiful GINORMOUS zucchini that my parents gave me from my Uncles garden and it's been sitting in the fridge for a week or so and I came across it and felt that I needed to honor it's ginormousness! As I was trying to come up with something to do with it I thought about how anything with a red sauce and tons of ooey gooey cheese was an automatic hit with my kith and kin and then I thought of Lasagna, which took me to Eggplant Parmesan and I decided to substitute my ginormous Zucchini for the eggplant....and THAT is how the mind of a genius works...okay just the mind of a mother of two who happens to adore Italian cuisine.

Yesterday I made what I was calling 'Mama's make it work Minestrone' which was a collection of just about every edible vegetable in my veggie drawer some canned beans and some leftover chicken from Sunday night and a stock made from the carcass...I love the word carcass by the way, it sounds so morbid when used like this "His Carcass was spread about the road" and so delicious when used in reference to homemade stock... anyway my Mama's Make it work Minestrone was a big hit which made me happy, I think the really fancy Pecorino shaved over the top made it seem more elegant than it actually was.

Speaking of Pecorino....I purchased the 'Fancy' Pecorino I was speaking about earlier at Metropolitan Market...or as I like to call it 'The only store you can't leave without spending at LEAST a hundo', seriously whereas they have some lovely cheeses and beautiful seafood meats and produce it is so expensive I just don't know how or if anybody could really shop there on the regular? But back to their cheeses....The cheese department is to die for, I am simultaneously overwhelmed and titillated whenever I step up the the vast array of cheeses available for purchase and/or sample....luckily 'Duffy' my favorite cheese monger...is that what they're called? Like a fish monger? Let's just call him a cheese 'host'....anyway Duffy my favorite cheese host turned me on to the idea of getting the most luxurious cheeses just for garnish. He told Michael and I one time when we were drooling at the cheese counter that he liked to purchase the nicest Pecorino available and grate it over a Lean cuisine....okay whereas I don't buy Lean cuisine's the message was not lost on me....Make it work Minestrone was even BETTER because of the fine cheese.

As Jack Donaghy would say 'Massage the truth'.....a fine cheese over a mediocre meal is the culinary equivalent of Jack's oh so timely message....Thank you for that Jack! And thank you Duffy.

Peace,

-V

Boobs, ass and leftovers.

2009-10-20T14:47:00.000-07:00

Today is going very, very, very slow...

I'm hoping it's no reflection on the week as a whole because even though it's only Tuesday I could really use a weekend...this past weekend was craziness and jam packed and tons of fun but I am truly exhausted from it...it must mean I actually AM getting old, damn it! How did that happen?

On Saturday night we took the kids to see Jay-Z, their first big hip-hop show! Michael and I were super de duperty excited because we got awesome seats and Wale and N.E.R.D. were opening for him...the kids I don't think had any idea what to expect but they were definitely taken by the crowd...I was too actually! I have never seen so much spandex, fishnet or exposed boobs and ass...I guess I haven't been going to the right shows?!?! I actually felt downright conservative... which is not a feeling I usually fall prey to!

Speaking of boobs and ass, we were weren't we? Last night I discovered the pronunciation feature on the iPhone dictionary app whilst playing a rousing game of Scrabble with Michael and the kids....I haven't laughed at the words wiener and booby (or scrotum and butt for that matter) that hard since I was my own kids age...Ahhh good old fashioned family fun at it's best!

This week I am trying to mix things up by seeing how many days I can create around the clock meals without a trip to the grocery store....I like the challenge actually, odd as it may sound, and it requires me to clean out my pantry and refrigerator....I figure it's the least I can do for the environment as the more of it I use up the less I throw away...as Kermit says, it ain't easy bein' green. The only downside to 'Use it up' week is some of the complaining that I get from my offspring....

Usually on the first day I can find pretty passable breakfasts, the drags of the oatmeal box, or the tiny flakes leftover in the cereal box....pancakes without eggs in them, canned peaches. By the second or third day it gets a little more desperate..."What's wrong with having canned beets for breakfast?" I'll say or "Ya know there are kids that would be happy to eat that celery with mustard on it!" Leftovers are usually the most successful because at one time they were an actual meal versus just whatever I have laying around, although by the time I'm serving what we had for dinner last Friday for the fourth time I will usually hear about it.

Dinners I never skimp on however, I have managed to get pretty damned creative with canned goods, butter and flour...but as I always say, you could butter a boot and it would taste good! Seriously though, the better I have gotten at homemade pie crust and pizza dough the more I have realized that just about anything can be made into a pie or a pizza with pretty minimal kid complaints...or husbands for that matter.

Today's meals started with two packets of 'plain' oatmeal leftover from a Costco case purchased over the summer...The plain was left because there were no maple and brown sugar or peaches and cream in them...in case you didn't know THAT'S why they are called plain ;)

This was an easy fix as I had butter (BINGO!) and dried apricots...or 'laxatives' as Fela calls them since I told her eating the entire box would make her have diarrhea.

For lunch we had leftover Minestrone soup from last night, (which I made homemade from all the veggies that were becoming bendable from being in the drawer too long) last night however we had the added 'Meatball' which made a vegetarian staple into 'Minestrone Surprise!'...Surprise it's not vegetarian! The lunch portion didn't have the surprise in it as I only made enough meatballs for a single serving, but it was good none the less.

Tonight however, it is the pieces de resistance as I have created a beautiful homemade Macaroni and Cheese using a wide variety of specialty cheeses leftover from dinner guests and occasions in which wine and cheese were necessary (bad days at work, rough days parenting etc.)...I'm tellin' you there were some NICE cheeses in there, the only reason I decided to use them up was because there really wasn't enough to make a whole cheese platter, or at least the kind I would feel comfortable serving...a sliver of that, a corner there, some we had shredded for another recipe and hadn't used it all...that sort of thing... PERFECT, however to melt all down in a bechamel sauce and pour over a pound of pasta.

To finish the dish I also added some frozen peas for a little color and because currently I am out of bread to make bread crumbs for the top I used a cracked peppercorn cracker and some Parmesan cheese to make the crumbly's that will be spread on top when it's time to bake my masterpiece...honestly I feel like I deserve an award for creativity in a NOT very well stocked kitchen!

At some point this week we are planning a trip to Costco to purchase important staples every kitchen must have...and then my creativity will be less stretched, but to be honest with you I actually get off on having to flex my 'creative' culinary muscles...it keeps life interesting...or at least mealtime.

Peace,

-V

Cankles can be fun!

2009-10-19T16:16:00.000-07:00

If food didn't make ya fat and money were no object... I would be wearing a new pair of knee-high boots and eating a bag of curly fries!!

In Michael and my fantasy world we always use that phrase, "if food didn't make ya fat and money were no object"...it's a nice fantasy you have to admit?...but alas just a fantasy.

In the real world, however, we have Halloween! One of my favorite holidays in the whole wide world primarily because it allows one to pretend to be anything they wish to be, dress as ridiculous as you want to be AND there are fun sized candy bars involved!

Last year Michael and I were Mimes, which was fun because they are so widely hated.

A few years back we were a Nun and a Friar....there was a lot of heavy petting and ass grabbing with those costumes in order to make them inappropriate enough to be fun. This year we are still trying to solidify something that will be enjoyable enough to role play all night but bizarre and/or funny enough to enjoy putting together and unveiling...that's the fun part.

Thelonious and Fela have become wise to Michael and my ploy to constantly get them involved in a 'group' costume after we forced them to be Team Zisou two years ago...honestly they had no interest but we lured them in with plastic gats....I personally think it was an awesome costume however this year they have let us know in advance that they have no interest in being any of our 'ADULT' humorous costumes and are each following their own dreams of being something more 'kid' appropriate (sigh) damn kids!

Michael likes to complain a lot about the time and energy that goes into planning our costumes and every year throws in an initial vote for 'Fettuccine Alfredo' which is promptly turned down for being 'lame'...I personally like the process of decision the best because it allows me to go to the extremely absurd....for years now I have wanted Michael to be a fawn, I love when he has a costume that requires tights and I also like exposed chest hair and/or a bad wig....I'm not sure why these Halloween costumes excite me so much... but they do!

For myself I love some kind of unflattering outfit that displays things I usually try very hard to conceal, like back fat and saddlebags...I also love some kind of unattractive eye wear....wigs are good and so are frumpy shoes. When Fela was still a baby I dressed up as a cranky old woman with cleverly made cankles proudly bulging through my mocha pantyhose...That was a FANTASTIC costume as I actually saw several woman that I used to be in a playgroup with when Thelonious was a baby and they had no idea it was me!

I think so far Michael's greatest costume was the year he was Elvis....I was going to be Lisa Marie but I was literally due to have Thelonious a week later and wasn't feeling like squeezing my fully pregnant body into the dress I had purchased for it. Michael however, had sewn together a white polyester pant and shirt, had a plastic wig AND carried around a little tykes tape recorder with a microphone and sang along with Elvis Live from Hawaii ....it was pretty damn sweet....If I hadn't been so huge I woulda been all over him ;)

This year should be especially fun as Halloween lands on a Saturday which means the craziness can last late into the evening.... which of course means.... back fat, cankles and saddlebags ALL WEEKEND! Hip Hip Hooray!!

Peace,

-V

P.S. Shouldn't cankles be in the spell checker? I mean C'mon now!

The terrible, horrible, no good, very bad Mom...

2009-10-14T16:11:00.001-07:00

I have been a horrible mother today.

I know, what a kick-ass way to start...really makes one excited to read more of what I have to say... I think it all ended on a good note as I acknowledged and took ownership of my shatty behavior and told both my children that sometimes the best thing someone being such a complete and total butthole can do is retreat to ones room and read.....so I retreated to my bed, and I read aloud to them both.

When I was but a small child, being home schooled as well, I remember certain times when life was particularly busy and crazy and I remember that usually that was when my Mother would have my sister and I spend a day or two snuggled up in her big warm bed as she read an entire novel aloud...Where the Red Fern Grows, The Old Man and The Sea, To Kill a Mockingbird....all read when each of us needed a little break.... so I took solace in knowing that after my multiple parental meltdowns today I could try and redeem myself with literature....

I think it may have actually worked as Thelonious hugged me when we were done reading and said "Don't worry, you're a good Mom!" Don't kids always think their parents are good parents though? I mean even kids who are abused and treated like dog shit will still side with their parents...even stand up for them?!?

Man the whole psychological aspect of being a parent is a major mind fuck sometimes...you want to do what's best for your children, you want them to succeed and work hard, you want them to be happy...working hard means success and success (whatever that REALLY means) equals happiness right? Or does it? Maybe being a total lazy ass is the key to some people's happiness, maybe even mine? I certainly complain a lot about all that is required of me on a daily basis...Maybe deep down I would like to sit around on my ass and be waited on hand and foot! Actually that sounds awesome at the moment....although as I've said many times before, I'm sure I would eventually get bored of that too ;)

So I continue to analyze, then re-analyze (ever notice how the first part of the word analyze is 'Anal'...heh heh) my approach to all things child rearing and educating, sometimes feeling like a total winner and other times feeling like the queen of the buttholes...I then take a deep breath, read aloud to the kids, let them pat me on the back....then start over again tomorrow.

In other world events....

I went to the Goodwill this morning as my Mom has been taking the kids for a few hours each Wednesday to do art classes at her house (that class was WAY more fun than 'Afternoon Meltdowns with Mom!') and as I was looking through all that my favorite second hand store had to offer I came across a little ceramic frog with a wide open mouth... the kind that rests on the back of a kitchen sink holding Brillo pads...do people use those anymore? I almost bought it and then I set it down feeling it was frivolous.

Now I realize, after the fact, that the reason I was drawn to it in the first place was because my grandmother always had one just like it on her kitchen sink...holding a Brillo pad, usually slightly worn and that lovely steel blue/grey color that a Brillo pad has.

It's funny how as you age memories come flooding back to you when you come across something so little and insignificant, as a child that frog was something I was always aware of, whimsical holding a pot scrubber and as I've grown I forgot about it...until this morning and just now.

Hopefully when my kids are grown they will experience the same thing...instead of remembering all the crummy days when their Mother wasn't the Mother she wanted to be, I hope they look back on long rainy days when instead of doing all their school work Mom chose to snuggle them up in her big warm bed and read aloud...all afternoon.

Peace,

-V

Hence crankiness... and whatnot.

2009-10-13T15:58:00.000-07:00

As Farmer Ted said "A woman in a hat is so Vogue!"... hence my new profile picture, WHO'S feelin' vogue!?

Not me actually... I have been in a funk the last couple of days and I was hoping the hat would improve my mood...no such luck...it is warm though!

It's rainy and gray and craparoo out today which only stands to make my funkiness even more so... but I'm hoping the yellow split pea soup with pancetta I have crocking away (in the crock-pot) will make me happy when I eat it this evening since food seems to make everything better...hence my constant struggles with weight... which I am NOT going to talk about today!

I am liking the word hence, did you notice? It's fun to say and even more fun to write...'Hence' ..it has such a Shakespearean tone to it.

Michael's new favorite word is what not...or is it whatnot? I think it's the latter....but whichever it is he's been using it a lot lately and I find it funny. I actually find myself laughing a little (on the inside) whenever he says it..."Honey I had a real doozey of a day...and whatnot"..."Can you pass me the salt...and whatnot?"...."Hey babe, can you wait on me hand and foot...and whatnot?"...Okay that one was a joke...however, all jokes are loosely based in the truth...and whatnot ;)

Whereas I don't actually wait on my lovely husband hand and foot sometimes I feel like a bit of a slave to the entire family unit as a whole...and whatnot. The last week or so I have felt like said slave but I'm hoping I've just experienced a glitch in my hormonal balance which all of a sudden made it go from tolerable to utterly annoying.

It's funny how that happens... there are times when I thoroughly enjoy working extra hard to put gourmet meals on the table for my family each evening. I like the challenge of educating our offspring all on my own each day. I revel in the work of maintaining our home, take pride in it even! And then all of a sudden I start to feel the toll it takes on me....I begin feeling unimportant...I can't really pinpoint what my exact issue is? All I know is that I feel tired of keeping so many balls up in the air and I question if it's even recognized? Or does it just become expected? And ultimately is this coming from my family members or is it actually ME that is devaluing myself and what I do? Putting myself so low on the totem pole that I start resenting the people that *I'M* putting ahead of me???

Sometimes I worry that maybe I'm becoming one of those cliched mothers that used to be on the Oprah show back when Dr. Phil was still on "Ya can't be a good mother if ya put yourself LAST!" (said in Dr. Phil's southern drawl) because I find it so hard to find places (other than my own needs) in which to 'let things slide'...do I let my house go? The kids schooling? Music practice? Dinners?...okay I guess I could make easier meals but I sometimes feel that cooking is one of my few creative outlets! Laundry? I do hate laundry but at a certain point we all run out of panties! And the even bigger shitter is each time I have allowed something to slide I turn around and it's an even bigger job for me because I didn't keep it up in the first place...

Wow that's some deep shit folks....It makes me think of the opening line from a Pharrell Williams song "I'm so bottled up I need a fucking therapist"...having actually tried therapy in my college days however, I think I would prefer new shoes and a killer orgasm because both are WAY more fun... and useful! ...but that's just me.

Anyway...enough about me and my ever present housewifian struggles 'cause the laundry needs a foldin' and the dishwasher a fillin'...and whatnot.

Peace,

-V

Bragging and beef cheeks.

2009-10-08T14:36:00.000-07:00

Can I brag for a moment? Today my kids made me so proud.

Not because they are perfect by any means, honestly they can completely annoy the crap outta me... as I KNOW I do to them as well (such is the reality of the parent/child relationship)... but today I am proud of them because they tried.

It's almost enough to make me shed a tear.... considering the fact that I almost shed a tear at a Chaka Khan song a few hours back perhaps it's some kind of hormonal backlash?...No, no wait....back to the kids.

We have just recently gotten fully back into our home schooling after a late summer/early fall breather and it has not been without a great deal of complaining, fussing, rolling eyes and general anger in my direction...I on the other hand would yell, threaten and throw fits...yes I *AM* the grown-up in this relationship, but I'm only human forchristsakes!

My take home message at the end of each of these outbursts was always "If we just FOCUS and get our work done then you can dictate what we do for the rest of the day!!!...So let's just GET 'Er' Done!" And yet at the beginning of each new day...the complaining, fussing and "Can I be done's" would start as soon as a book was cracked!

This past week has been a little less painful, however Today!....Today was BEAUTIFUL!

The kids got right to their instrument practice as I went to workout and when I came upstairs they had both showered and dressed and were painting...like good little Stepford children...then after lunch they both got directly to their academics and managed to finish before 2 with no complaining or rolling eyes...I actually managed to put tomorrow nights dinner together and into the crock-pot stopping only twice to help Fela with her Math. It was sheer homeschooling mother NIRVANA! It felt like a page out of one of those homespun Home school magazines where they profile a family of 41 who painlessly manages to educate and nurture all of their children, raise their own livestock and run a small business with nary a foul word or a tear wept....so basically it will probably never happen again....Oh well, I shall bask in this day for now.

Yesterday, while not as seamless in the schooling department was exciting none the less...because I finally found a place to buy beef cheeks! Yes Beef Cheeks!

A recipe for beef cheek goulash was brought to my attention by some wonderful friends of ours that share our love of food...the main issue being where to find the beef cheeks??

Briefly there was what we had HOPED would be a lead on said beef cheeks...but no such luck....

So yesterday as I was taking my weekly/biweekly trip to our local area Goodwill to get some creative Halloween costume ideas and I saw this little Mexican market that my parents had gone into several times to purchase beef tongue (one of my favorite cuts of beef MMmmm) which is becoming harder to find at our local grocery....I decided to just pop in and see if they might have beef cheeks. Low and behold the butcher behind the counter pointed to a large tray of cheeky BEAUTY then pointed to his own cheek wanting to make sure nothing was lost in translation ;) So my beef cheek source has been solidified and after such a find I proceeded to come home and search beef cheek recipes feeling that it is SURE to be good by how beautiful it looked!

Turns out braised beef cheeks are very popular in France and Spain as well as Italy and primarily harder to find here in the US. How sad is that we Americans poo poo certain cuts of the animal over others? Honestly having become much more passionate about cooking over the last year and a half or so I have discovered that there are many lesser used cuts of meat that I actually prefer to those more widely hailed as 'fancy'. Being that I am a lover of all things meat and I like to feel superior in my carnivorousness I believe that if I am willing to consume another living thing I must also be willing to respect it by using every last bit of it...hence my 3 real fur coats and my mink stole.....including it's tongue AND cheeks. I wonder if I would try the anus or the scrotum? Honestly if it were cooked and seasoned beautifully it would probably be tits! ;)

Seriously though, this is one of the many reasons why I enjoy cooking so much I think, it gives me the opportunity to be creative and discover new cultures and ideas in the comfort of my own kitchen....and all the while enjoy a good meal as the byproduct of my discoveries!

Peace and happy cooking!

-V

Butt cracks and whatnot.

2009-10-06T15:14:00.001-07:00

Oh my goodness I am EXHAUSTED!

Why? I have no idea... I feel like I could sleep for days... or drink a pot of coffee or something...a week in Fiji maybe?

This weekend Michael and I bought a new stove. It was a larger purchase then we were planning for at this juncture (that's my George W. word).... especially since we are planning a car purchase as well!. But after spending a week plugging in and unplugging the stove due to 'electrical difficulties' we decided to bite the bullet and take the 5 decade leap to a stove built in this century....I'm going to miss my 1959 Hotpoint purely for the nostalgia she brings me everyday for a time when (I wasn't even born yet..kidding!) women wore heels and pearls almost everyday...at least the ones on television did...and they excelled at the fine art of homemaking.

Because of the *two* larger purchases then anticipated I decided to do my grocery shopping at what we like to call 'Ghetto Safeway' today...whereas I don't truly believe we live in, maybe near, the ghetto...ghetto Safeway gives one all the charm and appeal of the ghetto right here in our own neighborhood!

Why you may ask do we give it this fine moniker? Let me share with you some of the reasons.

Ghetto Safeway, being a place where one truly does save money, allows you to shop with people that don't shower AND choose to barely get dressed before making their food purchases!

Today there was a man sauntering into ghetto Safeway with, obviously his finest, elastic waist 'skort' hanging so low on his behind that I could see more of his butt crack than anyone would ever care to! There was also a woman who I was pretty sure hadn't used any kind of shampoo since the late 90's and knocked into me with her cart with not so much as an 'excuse me' a 'Oh I'm sorry!' or a smile!

As well as these two fine ghetto Safeway specimens there was also the woman in line in front of me that I would like to call 'The coupon lady' who had a coupon for just about every item she was purchasing and was trying to bargain with the checker to get the paper plates she had in her cart for less because there was a rip in the outer plastic covering. After her purchases were rung up, and it took her 2 1/2 years to write a check, she waited around for my order to be rung up just so she could let the poor checker know that the garbage bags she purchased were not rung up at the sale price and she needed 39 cents back! Then she looked at me and said "You need to fight for your money around here!"

Now don't get me wrong, I understand that there are a lot of people who are extremely financially strapped, especially in this 'Economic Downturn' AND I understand the need to make every penny count, why else would I shop at ghetto Safeway?, but it seems to me that you can shower, be pleasant AND still make all these things happen?!?! Am I expecting too much? I guess I figure if you're gonna fight the good fight, for your money, around ghetto Safeway using some 'nice words' might help, a smile maybe? The coupon lady didn't seem to agree.

I know all this may make me sound like an elitist...and I totally am, silver spoons, European boarding schools, the whole nine...but why must the downtrodden wear Jammie's to the grocery store and make no attempt at manners? Can't you be happy and poor????

Seriously though, this makes me think of a line from a Kanye song, "Having money ain't everything NOT having it is" ...so true Yeezy, so true....When you can barely pay your bills it is the sole focus of your existence because all kidding aside I *have* been there and I NEVER wanna go back.

On a much lighter note...this weeks meal theme is 'Sandwich week' because I have been craving a pastrami sandwich like it's my JOB and I was sure I could make a pretty decent one at home if I gave it a go....off of pastrami sandwiches came, BLT's ..one can never go wrong there...and finally toasty cheese with homemade tomato soup...'cause that's like a little nap in a bowl if ya ask me, "Which nobody ever does" (said ala Eeyore) which I could use right about now!

Did I mention that I'm EXHAUSTED!?!

Peace,

-V

Vroom Vroom!

2009-09-28T15:55:00.001-07:00

I am dressed like a man today...and I like it!

Well let's just say it's more menswear inspired than manly....but still I am enjoying my own special version of androgyny, probably because it's chilly and gray today and the leaves are falling at an alarmingly fast pace so grandpa sweaters and loafers seem appropriate....and ultimately, because I wear the pants in this family.

The weekend was very nice and almost as relaxing as I had hoped for...

Saturday contained little bits of nothing...we would eat...then laze about a bit, we got dressed, went for Pho (we were hungry again from all the lazing, yes) happened upon a cute little pub we had never been in and had a beer (or two)...and so on and so forth. As cheesy as it sounds it kinda felt like being on vacation in our own neck of the woods which is really very nice since we got to sleep in our own bed at the end of the day... always a major plus.

Sunday however, was bit different...

Michael has had a bee in his bonnet about getting a second vehicle for a while now as we've been a one car family now for a year or so and we *thought* Michael's commute would be manageable by bus and then our previous second car was old as the hills....I love that term by the way, 'old as the hills' it makes me think of my Grandmother... anyway, it was old and would no longer run without pouring more money than we were willing to into it so it all made sense! Like many a well laid plan though...the thoughtful one car family and the public transit loving husband went up in flames! Michael's schedule is so unpredictable that we ended up picking him up 3-5 nights a week and on the nights where kids were already asleep he would take a cab....So the money we hoped we would save went up in flames as well. It's second-car city for us, baby... but Michael and I have very different ideas about vehicles in general which is where the 'friction' began....and I'm not talkin' about the fun kind.

See, I was raised in a family that NEVER drove a car that had been produced in the same decade we were living in, let alone ever dreamed of driving a new car!?!?!

My childhood was littered with used Volvo's with ripped bench seats exposing foam and springs, with Lincoln town cars that had dents the size of Utah in them and with a variety of hand-me-down cars that would regularly stall out at stop lights and required a very technical pumping of breaks and gas to start back up...these were the cars of my youth and nary a one did we ever buy with anything other than cash in hand, sometimes a bartered item or two was even brought into the deal.

Michael is a different breed however, he has always appreciated the feeling of riding about in a car that says the right thing about you...be it that you take pride in your things, or that you appreciate a certain level of quality. I'm not going to say he's a car snob (he's a car snob)...let's just say he has a pretty specific idea of the kind of (second) vehicle he would feel most comfortable driving. Michael, how should I say, immediately went to the higher end of the vehicular pyramid....because of this I did what any descent (premenstrual) wife would do...I suggested we look at the least sexy and most completely un-fun vehicle on earth....the missionary position with the lights off version of a car. Because Michael and I, after being married for 11 years are so good at resolving conflict (Mmm not so much) we decided to look at both.

As Michael test drove his idea of what a man of his stature should be zooming about the hills of downtown Seattle in I couldn't help but find absolutely every possible downside to his preference...the seat was kind of funky, I HATED the color and I was pretty sure it smelled weird too...When it was a car that I felt less volatile about but still met his desire for 'newness', even though I felt totally underwhelmed by it, I tried to remain positive as he complained about the rear window being odd and the lack-there of a leather seat and that it had less get-up-and-go than our Eurovan!! (Vroom Vroom!) Needless to say we left Tacoma's beautiful auto-way more frustrated and at odds than we were before we had arrived and when we got home we both felt the need to plead our cases...

I won't go into the less than flattering details of our (cough) disagreement I will say that ultimately, as mature adults we managed to come up with a solution that we could both live with (I was right) because that's what you do when you love someone (he was wrong), you compromise...besides we all know who wears the pants in this family.

I love you baby ;)

Peace,

-V

Heavy on the Cinnamon, easy on the Cloves...

2009-09-24T15:03:00.000-07:00

My goodness my day has turned on a dime.

I like that term, 'Turn on a dime' does a dime turn particularly fast? Faster than other pieces of change that is? Well if in fact it does my day has turned in this dime-like fashion....

When I got up this morning it was extremely gray and fall-like, which it hasn't been lately, and for some reason the chillier weather and cloudy skies just put me into a little funk. I guess I'm just not ready for Fall yet...don't get me wrong I actually love Fall, I love stews and soups and slow cooked meats, I love wearing wool skirts and I'm SUPER excited to wear my furs again! I love Cloves, Nutmeg, hot cider and mulled wine...

Well actually I don't care for mulled wine.... I do however, like to quote George Bailey's broken down angel (how awesome would that name be for a band?!?!) Clarence when he's sitting at the bar formerly known as Martini's (That would be a great first Album name for the band 'George Bailey's broken down angel'...my god I'm full of 'em today!) when he says ..."I'm remembering a mulled wine...heavy on the Cinnamon, easy on the Cloves"....but I digress

I am indeed a lover of Fall, but I just wasn't ready for it this particular morning....then after morning chores, morning workout and the usual school work and lunchtime shenanigans all of a sudden the sun came out and the beef stew I had thawing in the crock-pot for dinner, as well as the jeans I was wearing, suddenly seemed utterly inappropriate...in a good way.

So here I sit, having changed into a skirt, and smelling the scent of beef stew even though the weather is crying out for barbecued meats...or at least late summer veggies...Oh well, this evening's beef stew will be like looking through a little peep hole into what the months to come have in store for us. I will try to look past said beef stew's untimeliness and serve it with warm bread and red wine as a tribute to the cooler days and cozy night to come.

To the same degree as I was dreading Fall this morning I am looking forward to the weekend which is right around the corner....Ahhh weekends. I realize that I just HAD a long weekend this past one but it's not exactly the same as we were out of town and entertaining family. I am really looking forward to a weekend with no real plans at all...which this upcoming one has to offer.

While this sounds incredibly boring I actually love weekends where we have no obligations, nothing we are dying to do and no projects planned...there is something about just letting the day unfold on it's own and doing whatever it is that appeals in the moment. To me this kind of spontaneous weekend is why I love both traveling and the IDEA of traveling so much...as much as it's work to be someplace outside of your own home and requires a lot of flexibility it's also so freeing to know that each day offers something new and totally unknown to you...and I love that!

This idea of freedom probably appeals to me so much because in my daily life I tend to have less of it than I would like...however, since the sun is currently shining and my cloudy day beef stew actually smells FANTASTIC I am going to choose to look away from what could easily become a bitch-fest on my lack-there of the freedom I would like to have and instead end on this positive note....My hair is bitchin' today!

Peace,

-V

In the year, two-thousand...in the year, TWO THOUSAND!

2009-09-23T14:55:00.000-07:00

Right now I feel like a freakin' WINNER!

Why you may ask?...or maybe you don't ask, but I will tell you anyway...

Because I just remembered how to do long division AND I managed to kind of get the basic process across to my son. Yes, I am a genius....considering I have a sordid past with the mathematical arts that I try to forget about...as much as possible.

I don't currently use long division in my day to day life...or I should say I don't use it like your taught to in textbooks....I am a count on my fingers and round up kinda gal, and so far it's served me well. I've managed to graduate from a decent university AND I've held several jobs (as a teacher no less) so I really figured I had the whole 'Math' issue behind me....that is, until my darn kids wanted to learn it!!

Like with everything that comes to your attention once you procreate, you suddenly become really, REALLY aware of all the ways in which your are deeply, deeply flawed....everything you don't know, personality traits that are far from flattering and how little patience you actually are capable of even when your *own* kids are involved. It's actually a really humbling process and one I get to experience on a daily, if not hourly basis...Who's a lucky girl!?!

Now I realize I could try and alleviate having to face head on my math phobias by perhaps sending my children to school with a teacher that might have a degree in math or at least really really LOVES the thing, but I kind of look at our decision to home school as a type of shock therapy for me...I am forced deal with my issues on a daily basis and hopefully I will come out of this experience a better person for it...I kid, I kid, We actually chose to home school so we could take advantage of travel deals that only occur during the school year...and I hate getting up early so...obvious choice ;)

Lately I have actually given the whole idea of 'using it or losing it' a lot of thought....which is a great segue considering I have, just today, brought long division back from the brink of complete and utter loss...

It seems pretty easy, and pretty human, to become complacent with ones life, be it with physical activity, mental activity....parenting, marriage...living under the assumption that those things will always be available to you when you need them no matter how much you neglect them on a daily basis. Then all of a sudden...because the older I get the more 'All of a sudden' becomes a reality....they are gone before you even realized you lost them?!?!

Now this may seem REALLY overwhelming at times as the average person, such as myself, can often feel like they are responsible for so much already and the idea of having even a few more things to keep checks and balances on is just EXHAUSTING.... but I think maybe it's the regular reevaluation process that needs to be used here... maybe every once in a while we all need to audit our lives? Yes, audit our lives, I LIKE that idea a lot actually, it gives one a chance to make sure that everything is working the way they want it to, kinda like a tune-up...

Are your needs being met the way you need them to be? Are your relationships getting the kind of time and energy they require? Is your body and mind getting everything it needs, being 'used, if you will, to continue on without 'losing it'?

In a perfectly coiffed futuristic world like that of The Running man or Wall-E ...because you can't possibly mention one of those films without the other, right?...it would be a reality, and it would probably come with a sleek bodysuit and some kind of shiny chrome colored shoe as well as a little trip through your life ...so far... via a hologram containing personal interviews with family, friends and employers... I like this future world I am imagining as I write, it gets me PUMPED!

Actually, come to think of it, I like the idea of a lifestyle tune-up better, primarily because I have a sneaking suspicion that if it were called a lifestyle audit... math would be involved...

Peace,

-V

Hair today...gone tomorrow.

2009-09-22T14:29:00.000-07:00

My hair is sticky-uppy!

I have always suffered with unusually large hair...for a white girl with straight (ish) hair that is. According to my Mom (who's a hairdresser) it's due to my double crowns in back and my cowlick in the front...regardless of what my issues are one would think that shaving ones head would alleviate the pouffy hair for a while, but actually as it's growing back I am literally getting to witness on a daily basis why I will never have the kind of straight silky hair that I have always dreamed about.....my hair has a 'boner' as we speak.

Thankfully I have met and married a man that accepts my hermaphrodite hair and still loves me, in fact when we first met, he claims it was my unusually large hair that attracted him to me.....all I remember is that it was particularly humid that day (and humidity is the kiss of death for people in my situation) and my hair, which was super long at the time, was NOT minding.

Speaking of super long, we just got off a super long weekend which was lovely...

Michael's parents were in town, we played in North America's largest gorge and ate and drank to our hearts content which was lovely...yesterday and today however I am feeling bloated and a little cranky from enjoying myself so much, which is NOT so lovely.

Whilst desperately trying to run away from my overeating and drinking on the treadmill this morning I was thinking about balance and all the ways in which I fail at it...okay I'm exaggerating, what I mean is, at times I feel like my life goes from heavily focused work to blowing off major amounts of steam and then back again in such a short amount of time I question how this affects me and my overall well being...not to mention my ever changing mood and weight swings?

Quite often Michael and I discuss that maybe there is truly a need for these very strict focused then un-focused times... as with too much freedom seems too often to come disaster...

like Lindsay Lohan for example or any other such young starlet who is allowed access and money without really working too hard (sorry Lindsey, I'm sure your leggings line and Lifetime movie was actually a shit ton of work) and then ends up taking it way too far and suffering the consequences of excess.... but I wonder sometimes if that's just how we humans (Americans?) rationalize the way in which the majority of us 'commoners' live so we won't sit around feeling totally bummed out that we too don't have the opportunity to give it a try and see if *we* could do a better job at it?

Perhaps if there was more of a balanced approach to every aspect of achieving the American dream ...or just in my own life?... the need for such work/play extremes wouldn't be necessary at all? Case in point that annoying saying "Work hard, play hard!" which always seems to be emblazoned on t-shirts worn by dudes who run multi-billion dollar companies during the week and bungee jump off of Mount Kilimanjaro over the weekend....okay so raising a couple-a kids during the week and binge eating over the weekend isn't exactly in the same category...but you get what I mean.

Ahhhh as with just about everything else I like to have a thoughtful dialogue with myself about when I write, I don't have all the answers to this one either (or any of the others for that matter) just all the questions:

How does one achieve balance?

When will the bloating stop?

Whatta ya need to do to get rid of a hair boner????

Peace,

-V

Join hands and hearts and voices, voices, hearts and hands!

2009-09-15T15:57:00.000-07:00

It's Tuesday today but it feels like a Thursday. Tomorrow morning Michael's parents arrive and then on Thursday we head off to The Lakeside Lodge, or 'Kellerman's' as I'm calling it (Here's to you Patrick Swayze) with them for 4 days....I love short weeks...and I love vacations even MORE!

I also love sunshine and today it's beautiful warm and sunshiney which makes me happy....What doesn't make me happy is listening to my kids fight which I am doing currently as I try to bask in the sunshine and write. Why are they fighting you may ask? No good reason at all! They are fighting because they are siblings and that's what siblings do I guess...It still drives me nuts and I find that I end up yelling at them to stop and they just continue yelling over me... so then we are ALL yelling....our poor neighbors must think we're nuts...and we are, what's new?

I'm feeling very tired at the moment as Michael got up early to work and kinda pulled me into it as I tried to make an innocent run to the toilet. Then feeling bad he offered to make me a coffee, which sounded good by that point and then I was up and more sleep just didn't appeal...until now when I'm feeling like I could curl up in a ball by the window like a cat and take an afternoon nap...the only thing stopping me are those bickering kids! Darn kids..."Why did we have to have all these kids?!?!?"

Whenever Michael or I are feeling frustrated or that we can't have an adult conversation without kid interruptions one of us invariably quotes George Bailey from 'It's a Wonderful Life'....the part where he comes home after Uncle Billy misplaces their entire Bank deposit in that newspaper, he's all sweaty and on the verge of tears and the kids are oblivious to his horrible day and mood...They just keep talking at him, practicing the piano and making noise and at one point he freaks out and says "Why did we have to have all these kids?!?!?"

Sometimes on days when I'm this tired just having two children can illicit a teary and sweaty emotional outburst...even when there's no financial ruin or jail time on the line.

Today I felt a bit like George Baily as I tried my best, while preparing for our visitors and trying to shake my exhaustion, to talk the kids into doing their work and getting some good practice in (on their instruments) and instead of them happily obliging they chose to battle me tooth and nail and as they did I started to think that maybe jail time wouldn't be so bad...at least there's peace and quiet there?...I kid, I kid....Sometimes the sad part about parenting is that you know the right decisions that should be made, you convey them to your kids, and instead of appreciating your looking out for THEIR best interest...they just think you're being mean and unfair...today I was mean and unfair. Oh well, hopefully someday my kids will become functioning and happy members of society (who can read, write and do basic math) and they will forgive me...fingers crossed.

Ahhh the children have quieted, the sun is still shining and day after tomorrow I will be basking by the pool with my family at our version of Kellerman's...

Warts and all... I DO have a wonderful life...

Rest In Peace Johnny Castle...

-V

Can we talk about me for a minute?

2009-09-14T17:15:00.001-07:00

I just had a gentleman come to the door looking for donations for West Seattle High School?... or some other such local area school that is trying to clean some local area park up?... or pick up trash in our neighborhoods?...or something like that...I didn't really catch it all...the point being he started the conversation off by saying:

"Hi! Can I just first off say that I LOVE your hair! Man it looks beautiful on you....I mean if I were driving and I saw you I would do a double take...no a TRIPLE take!"

Needless to say I went and got my wallet and took out the 3 bucks I had crumpled up in it and gave it to him...and whatever school/cause it was that he claimed to be canvasing for...what can I say, flattery will get you everywhere....It improved my mood at least, that's worth 3 bucks!

Hold on...I need to remove my bracelets.

There we go. I love wearing lots of bangles....I like the look and the weight of them on my wrists. I don't, however like the way they sound when I'm typing. It's kind of like how I feel dorky whenever I pour tea...for some reason the sound that tea makes when you pour it out of a teapot makes me feel insecure in the moment in which I'm pouring...what can I say, I'm crazy like that.

This weekend I watched 'Breathless' with Jean Seberg...primarily to watch Jean Seberg. Breathless is definitely an 'Art' film...you know one of those movies where people make bizarre lofty statements about life and love when they're totally sober?

Who really sits around and talks openly about commitment and pain and love and sleeping with other men and what's in their soul and why (?).... while listening to Tchaikovsky and chain smoking cigarettes?

I sometimes think maybe I just wasn't very deep as a young woman (or now for that matter) as I just don't remember going there. I remember moments in which I thought I was pretty darn intelligent and really had experienced pain but I usually internalized it and simply gloated in my brilliance and depth...hoping others would notice ;)

Jean Seberg, however, is worth watching the film for...her wardrobe is delightful....See instead of getting some deeper insight into the human psyche from this film all I took away was a greater appreciation for full skirted dresses with matching belts and white gloves ....and striped boat neck tops...so be it, I'm shallow.

In the final scene of the film (I don't want to give too much away) Patricia (Jean's character) informs on her crook boyfriend and in his dying breath (oops I gave it away..he dies in the end) he calls her a 'Scumbag'...that was actually (besides the clothing that is) the coolest part of the whole film. I think I'm going to start more regularly using the word scumbag as it's so retro in it's lack of vulgarity which makes it kind of fun.

I also like the put down 'Douche bag' because let's face it douche bag is fun to say AND is so retro and completely unnecessary in modern times....I remember seeing a douche bag as a kid and thinking it was REALLY bizarre and then after I learned where that big long hookah-like hose was supposed to go I started to re-think this whole being female thing....luckily by the time I became a woman douche bags were out of fashion having learned that vagina's are like self cleaning ovens (phew)...Maybe I was born in the right time after all....except for the fashions of course....Ooooh those full skirted dresses with matching belts and white gloves...and striped boat neck tops.

"Scumbag"

Peace,

-V

Fall is so fetching....

2009-09-08T15:13:00.000-07:00

I just changed my profile picture to make sure that I continue to represent myself in my current state and as this blog sight was updating the photo it said... 'Fetching profile picture..please wait'.... I love the word fetching, I don't know if it's the underlying doggyness, it's dual meaning or because it sounds sort of classy "Excuse me darling whilst I go and fetch a champagne glass!"

So as I was saying I updated my profile picture, primarily because I never want to be one of those women that always sees themselves 20 years younger and 20 pounds thinner...I need to be real with myself in order to be 'REAL' with myself if you know what I mean, I have found that denial doesn't work well for me as I usually end up denialing myself into directions that are no fun to work back from.....I could go on and discuss summer weight gain HOWEVER blah, blah, blah that's boring and I have made peace with the fact that this is my cross to bare and rather than wallow in it I just gotta 'keep on dancin'...keep on dancin'! "Look Ma I'm Dancin!!"

Fall is truly in the air and all the fun things that go with it. As much as I am sad to see summer leave us I'm finding myself excited again about slow roasting things, trying soups and stews I have never made before and as I am still feeling my deep connection to all things fur related, Fall's weather only allows me to wear more of it, which makes me SUPER excited at the moment.

Yesterday being Labor day, the whole fam decided to do a little perusing of the local second hand stores as classically all three that we go to on the regular do a 50% off Sale for both Memorial day AND Labor day.... Needless to say there was much fur to be discovered. I ended up with a beautiful double breasted cropped brown fur (it almost looks like beaver) that has a gorgeous striped lining and 3/4 length sleeves...it is absolutely STUNNING and it only cost 5 bucks!!!! The only thing that needs repair is a portion of the lining at the bottom that needs to be tacked back up and even I, without a sewing bone in my body, can manage that!

Other than my fur we also discovered two really neat leather office chairs that are super clean and modern for $7 each and I got a silk dress from Hawaii with some really retro detailing for $2...the other great find were white crockery dishes from William Sonoma, the kind one uses to make french onion soup that can be put under the broiler, for 99 cents each! I LOVE them! I can't tell you how excited those little oven proof dishes make me... Ahhh I am SO domestic at heart, it's almost sad ;)

I never thought of myself as being overly domestic as a younger woman, however I must admit I kind of enjoy living in my fantasy world now in which I am June Cleaver or Donna Mills or some such iconic domestic goddess (did the pearls and fur give me away?). I love the idea of making my home inviting and cozy and making the rituals of cooking and entertaining MY entertainment..AND I like that it's something that I can always work to improve upon. Maybe that kind of focus is just what I need being at home all day with children in order to feel I have something that belongs just to me or maybe I enjoy it just FOR me??? Who knows. Who cares? It's fun!...

Speaking of fun , On Saturday night we watched Gidget goes to Rome and I was SMITTEN! I remember seeing this film when I was a teenager and thinking it was super corny but when I watched it on Saturday I realized I had totally forgotten about the CLOTHING! My god what a fantastic era for the female form. The young ladies in this film had curves and their clothing accentuated them...It was beautiful to see! I loved the dresses and the kitten heels and I LOVED the swimsuits!!! Bikini's with high waisted bottoms in colors like mustard yellow and olive green, just adorable! The fact that it was almost completely set in Rome only made it even BETTER eye candy.... I will admit the story is lacking and the acting pretty paltry, but who cares...the fashions were nothing short of Fetching.

Peace,

-V

Just some random Sunday thoughts I was thinkin'

2009-09-06T15:46:00.001-07:00

I am by no means a perfectionist, however I have been realizing lately that I spend WAY more time focused on the things about myself that are less than perfect than I do on the things about me that are fantastical and outstanding.

Why do you think that is? Why do we waste our time focusing on our imperfections? We can look to the media and fashion magazines, the televised or movie representations of perfect mothering, spousing or womaning....but deep down any intelligent human being knows this to be fictionalized and purely entertainment. Real life is messy and imperfect and gritty.

In real life women have uneven skin tones and bad hair days and can't just experience a 'makeover' scene and suddenly become a super model. Mom's aren't always patient and understanding and they don't always say just the right thing to make everything better. Sometimes in real life husbands and wives are mean to each other and they STILL love each other.

Life is not in the black and white that film and print is....Life is grainy and without a photo shop option and has many shades of grey...like my hair which I just colored again on Friday because the little translucent hairs that I have been avoiding had returned....and the cake I am currently making which despite my best efforts, the finest ingredients and going EXACTLY by the recipe is lopsided and lacking any real height.

And this my friends is life...imperfect, frustrating and yet so beautiful at the same time.

There I said it, there is great beauty in imperfection and I am going to try harder to see it.

Peace,

-V

Ants in my pants.

2009-08-20T16:02:00.000-07:00

Vacation starts tomorrow and what better way for it to begin than with new panties?

This past week has been so trying and it seems everything has just piled up and come to a head right before our much needed downtime. I'm actually surprised I haven't gone completely insane but I think the new panties may have saved me??

let me explain...

The ants made their way into my closet and then....into my underwear box!!! How absolutely appalling!!! My closet is just about as sacred to me as my female organs and having ants crawling around in the most intimate of items as my bras and panties makes me want to VOMIT!

When I called Michael at work to tell him about the ants in my closet he immediately got on the phone to our exterminator and got him to agree to an after hours visit to deal with the situation! Michael also felt so bad he offered to wash all my undergarments and then felt EVEN worse when he saw them in their entirety and how pathetic my collection had become...so last night he brought me home a little package full of 16 new pairs of underwear ranging from the practical to the purely....recreational ;) He's a good (and smart) husband, yes he is!

Our mouse situation (I've stopped calling them Moushkas because they aren't cute to me anymore and can go to hell for all I care) became unbearable when we woke up to find one in our kitchen sink and I knew in my heart of hearts that we couldn't put off the inevitable massive basement storage clean until the weekend when Michael would be available to help and so on Tuesday morning I went downstairs to the laundry room and pitched a ginormous infantile fit complete with crying and cussing...then I pulled myself together and said "Kids! We've got a HUGE project today!"

So Tuesday was spent clearing out ALLLLL of our storage, taking three loads of useless crap to the Goodwill and re-packing EVERYTHING into plastic containers with lids. THEN I vacuumed out every crevasse where any kind of mouse dropping could possibly be and set 10 brand new mouse traps full of peanut butter snapping at least 4 of my poor fingers before I got the hang of them. The kids and I literally worked from 9:30am until 6:pm without stopping, except for lunch, and by the time we were done I was POOPED! And so were they...

Thelonious was actually a little bitter by Tuesday evening and when we picked Michael up from work he asked him in a kind of smarmy voice"So what did you do all day? Just tap away at your computer!?!?" I felt this kind of attitude was a good teaching opportunity and so I told him that if he doesn't take his studies seriously then he needs to get used to doing hard physical labor because that's the only other option...which of course is a blatant lie, but one I feel okay telling my 9-year-old at the moment to help motivate him as we enter a brand new school year next month.

Yesterday we took the day off because it was in the 90's and went to the lake with my sister and her kids and spent just about the entire day there.

When we got home Thelonious and Fela took their wet towels down to the laundry and then Thelonious ran back up and said "MOM! The ceiling near the washer is leaking and there's water ALL over the floor!" At that point I went to see if the toilet had overflowed or the sink was left dripping but nothing? I went down and looked at the leak ad then we put buckets under it and then I called my Dad, completely fit to be tied!?!?! Luckily he was just getting home from work and came right over and immediately figured out that several of the pipes under the kitchen sink had been leaking and pooled right above the laundry until it leaked through to the basement! After a good hour he had it fixed! Thank god for contractor Father's!!

After that, because Michael was not going to be home due to pre-vacation work jam, I decided to take the kids out to dinner so we headed to our local taco place. After we ordered and got all of our dinners I reached into my purse and then realized I had left my wallet to dry on the counter at home because while at the lake earlier that day I had spilled sun guard all over it! At the time that I set it out to dry I actually thought to myself 'I had better remember to put this back in my purse...before I forget!'...but of course, I forgot! I felt like a total ass trying to explain and saying "I'll be right back! We live just around the corner!" When we left the restaurant I lost it and once again had a total infantile breakdown because I just felt at my wits end!!! Even though vacation was just a day away I felt SOOOOO done with all the shit that daily life sometimes has to offer.

So you see in this long ass explanation why the 16 pairs of new panties were so sweet AND necessary? Even though Michael didn't get home until 1:30 in the morning and even though I was half asleep, waking up for new panties and for but a moment feeling important and appreciated is sometimes all it takes to manage one last day...

Here is to vacations, relaxation, time spent with my sweetie and as a family...and to new panties.

Peace,

-V

The poopy stuff.

2009-08-12T16:32:00.000-07:00

I am NOT having fun right now, which is a shame as the weather has turned sunshiney again and I'm loving the current color and length of my hair....the rest of my life at the moment is a shit-ton of physical and emotional work which is gettin' me down.

On Monday we made the difficult decision to put Coco Puff to sleep, which has sucked and been depressing as our home feels different and a little more empty. Even with Habanero and the kids running about there is still a little something that seems to be missing...her loungey old-lady self is no longer there. The 'Julia Child' voice I always used to represent her "Ohhh it IS delightful" feels sad when I accidentally use it and then remember she is gone. As much as I know it was the right thing to do for HER, in my selfishness I wish nothing had changed and she was still with us snoring away in her bed.

Michael stayed home a little longer than usual Tuesday morning in order to take Coco Puff in because I just didn't feel like I could manage this one, I have done the last three elderly and ailing pets and just couldn't do another right now. Once it was over, however he HAD to be off to work and has been with clients from out of town non-stop since then so we really haven't had a chance to mourn together because I have only seen him roughly 20-25 minutes since then....I wish I could say that was an exaggeration, but sadly it's not....as he likes to put it "This has been really poor timing!" But I say (which annoys the bejezus out of him) "When ISN'T it bad timing???"

Yesterday afternoon while Fela was in the bathroom she SCREAMED because there was a Moushka running through the hall. Then this morning she alerted me to squeaking in the pantry.....much to my chagrin the Mosuhka's had eaten through a bag of flax seed I've had since Fela was born and I needed more fiber in order to keep the post birth hemorrhoids at bay (yes I know that's way too much information but this is MY blog so suck it up) and the flax seeds had done their job on them as well...seeds everywhere and POOP to match. So before I had my morning coffee or even my OWN morning constitutional I cleaned up the entire pantry shit and all cussing the whole way.

This morning the pest control company we have on retainer showed up to help me with all my current critter problems and it was a new extremely thorough guy we had never had before, but instead of making me feel good about the possibilities of ridding our home of unwanted visitors he made me feel so completely overwhelmed by all the reasons our house is doomed!

At one point he kind of nodded his head and said "There's a LOT of downsides to these old homes..." then he added, "You think Mice and Ants are a problem...you should be worried about TERMITES!" By the time he left and had filled almost every corner of my home with mouse traps and ant poison ...that's supposedly non-toxic for humans which I find hard to believe (but I WANT to believe)...I was once again filled with the desire to burn my house down and start fresh, creating a hermetically sealed existence in which nothing but what I invite into it can visit.

So there you have it and I didn't even get INTO the fun we are having with the ants! All I'll say is I am taking the kids OUT to dinner because dealing with my kitchen would put me in the loony bin for sure!

While I know this all SOUNDS like an incredibly fun way to spend the week (so far...shit it's only WEDNESDAY!), surprisingly it's not! The weekend cannot come soon enough for me my friends! I need a break, a chance to let my emotions fly, some sleep...a drink might help as well....you know, all the things in life which have been sadly missing from my existence and makes one feel just a little more human?

Because to be honest, I'm gettin' kinda tired of just dealing with the poopy stuff.

Peace,

-V

The UN-fun things in life.

2009-08-10T15:53:00.000-07:00

I am OVERWHELMED with a capital 'O'...

"What else is new?" you may ask (if you're a total butt hole) or "Oh you poor thing" you may say (if you're a sweet and loving human being) regardless of your opinion I am's what I am's with or without the spinach.

The ants are invading the house again I think due to the drastic weather changes...I keep finding their little uninvited masses in various locations from my kitchen to the pantry to the dining room (which we don't use as a dining room but as a music room, for art projects and school work). This morning after my work out I was starting dinner, because that's the way I roll, and I felt something on the back of my neck...low and behold it was an ant and it made me want to simultaneously scream and run from the house never to return again! GROSS! Instead I told Michael to call the ant guy we have on retainer ASAP before I lose my mind...or run out of the house never to return again.

Before the ants reached def con 5 we discovered another enjoyable visitor...a Moushka! (that's little mouse in Russian for those of you who aren't nearly as cultured as I am...or haven't seen Coraline). It all started when we saw a little tiny scurrying movement in the basement but I'm pretty sure it's not alone. While Mr. Moushka was cute and little unfortunately little things still eat and poop and therefore he's not welcome. Although we have 2, 396 mouse traps that either came with the house or were purchased the last time we saw a critter we have yet to use them on this mouse and I think after having seen him are hoping that he runs away and joins the circus leaving us not responsible for his demise....because being responsible for something elses death is just not fun....which brings me to the third leg of my Overwhelmedness...

Sadly, #3

Coco puff is not doing well. I hate this kind of thing because I have already had to put down three pets during the last 6 years...it SUCKS and I really wish ONE of our animals could just fall asleep and die or wander off and find a soft spot to fall, then we could mourn knowing it was their time...versus having to make the executive decision that he/she isn't happy healthy whatever. It overwhelms me to no end and it makes me want to crawl in a hole and not come out....versus running from the house never to return again.

The pooping, peeing and sporadic lack of use of her rear legs is just getting too much for me though, I question her quality of life regularly, she doesn't 'play' anymore with Habanero and honestly she is becoming a 'not fun' dog...I know that sounds selfish to bring up but I wonder how much fun she can be having if we aren't enjoying her at all?? Getting old sure is a bitch isn't it? I'm not anywhere near as old as Coco and on some days I fee like I'm not that much fun...Maybe my kids are ready to put me down as well? Shit!

Seriously though, this trifecta of thought and necessary action is wearing me out at the moment, and it's only Monday...and we have a 'crazy work week' ahead of us according to my husband (which is never a good sign) and I am hormonally challenged to the umpteenth degree... I wish I had some clever way to end this but I don't, because sadly, life doesn't always allow for clever ways to end un-fun things.

Peace,

-V

Anything at all...

2009-08-07T10:32:00.001-07:00

You know that old saying, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all?

I am going to live by it today.

In all this shit there MUST be a pony!

2009-08-06T15:24:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have very little to report folks.... sorry...

Nothing outrageously exciting has occurred between now and the last time I wrote...nothing terribly bad just more of the same...same-o same-o as one says.

I am feeling a little wiped out today due to the fact that Michael, as usual, has been extremely busy at work and on TOP of that was out of town for a portion of the week on business so my parenting has been on overdrive...and under-qualitied, which is just automatically the case when Mama is exhausted....I feel like a broken record (and broken down for that matter) saying it but it's the truth.

At the moment my life seems so monotonous and mundane it's overwhelming me. I feel like each day is a carbon copy of the next or the last...except for the clothes and food....I keep trying to remind myself that finding something to be excited about is up to me and nobody else BUT me can make me happy...and yet I am struggling with it still and wanting some exciting adventure to fall in my lap and turn my mood around.

My kids are also driving me absolutely bonkeroo today because they both have manic energy to burn and I feel so low energy I could rival a slug...although slugs actually can travel some pretty serious distance so perhaps I'm not giving them enough credit? Maybe I should say a sloth since they are widely known for their laziness....or maybe I just need more coffee ALONG with that exciting adventure that will be landing in my lap soon...Yeah, that's it!

The sad part of all this is I don't even know WHAT it is I wish could change...Well I take that back, I wish I had more time with my husband, I wish that we had more time off, and I also wish that we were wealthy jet-setters. Do you think if all that is something you were just born into you would find it mundane and monotonous? Maybe you would?

While I was growing up I was good friends with a girl who's parents didn't need to work because they could live off their inheritance and her mother was one of the most depressed women I had ever met. She was constantly searching out new types of yoga and natural medicines to deal with her depression, and fill up her time. She was always talking about how dark and dreary the weather was and her seasonal effectiveness disorder. Her feet hurt, she could never find a good hairdresser and her clothing purchases were never up to par. This is a woman who had her husband home with her all the time, and whose kids were in school all day so she was completely free to do as she pleased...My god am I becoming that too...except for the husband home and kids away all day?

Maybe no matter what, unless one dies at a super young age, there is a large chunk of life that is just straight up boring and we just need to accept it. There may be weeks, months...even years that slip away from the memory because they are so mundane and monotonous that the brain chooses to just forget them in order to hold on and remember those moments when one feels exhilarated and alive...you know those times when you look around at the moment and think "Wow, now THIS is what living is all about!" Maybe no matter how much free time, togetherness and jet-setting one is blessed with mundane monotony is something we all must struggle with and work through...because in all this shit there MUST be a pony!

(that was for you Mom!)

Peace,

-V

To sweat is human, to bitch is divine....

2009-07-30T15:42:00.000-07:00

OH MY GOD! it's is hotter than the depths of hell....

The sad thing is it's not gonna cool down (much) anytime soon so there is no point in putting ones blogging on hold until it does...one just has to trudge through sweating all the way...and that is what I'm doing...iced coffee in hand.

This week has been out of control uncomfortable, Seattle is experiencing record breaking heat so the kids and I have been trying to find ways in which to not go completely insane and possibly end up abusing and/or killing one another whilst trying to survive 100 degree weather in our non-air-conditioned 103 year-old house. At the same time Michael has been working like a maniac (in his comfy air conditioned office no less) and barely home so I not only get HOT days but his friend Looooooong days as well, if I were talking about sex I wouldn't be complaining...but because I'm not...I will go right ahead...

The only real upside to this is that it has helped me come to realize that I am not actually a complete wimp because honestly if I can put up with all this shite I may actually be pretty strong!? You would think that natural childbirth and losing almost 100 pounds would have made me feel like I was a pretty tough gal, but alas, I still had my doubts....

I have however, questioned a few times if I have actually died and gone to hell (I think I may have failed the heaven test a while back) because if there is indeed a heaven and a hell the current weather conditions are mimicking what I always envisioned hell to be like...but then I realize I couldn't possibly be in hell because my kids are with me (and they're, at least still innocent and pristine) AND I had a BLT last night... and bacon is heavenly for sure.

Being in survival mode hasn't been all bad though...I find when we just need to 'get by' I let a lot of things slide....like bedtimes (who says midnight is too late for a 6-year-old?), the need to eat a well balanced meal (Popsicle's for dinner!) and fashion....Ahh the fashions in this heat truly suck people...I will admit that other than an attempt to wear a little lipstick and some waterproof mascara the fashions are lacking....BIG TIME!

First of all It's just no fun to wear a bra when its this hot out but my boobs just revolt when it comes to a tank top, even those ones with the little shelf bra, because they make my boobs LOOK like a shelf! Bras are usually my friends and make my boobs everything I have always wanted them to be, without one I feel like one of those old grandma's with boobs down to her waist....I am perkily challenged and I'm not afraid to admit it and I blame that 100 pounds gained and lost I mentioned earlier for it....damn you Hostess fruit pies and Haagen-Dazs ice cream!!!

So unless I want to walk around sweating to death I reluctantly put a tank top on and just give up any hope of looking like anything other than a middle-aged mother of two who breastfed until her kids were old enough to drive....okay that was an exaggeration as my kids are not driving age yet and they have both stopped nursing...and I already blamed my saggies on weight gain and loss and not my extended nursing...but the whole nursing for 15 years created a good visual didn't it?? What can I say....

Alas I must end this post as my sweating has become unbearable and I think a shower...or at least a wet washcloth and a glass of ice water is in order.

Peace,

-V

Vehemently stimulated.

2009-07-22T11:03:00.000-07:00

Today the kids are sick.

Well actually Thelonious threw up a bunch this morning and Fela is watching cartoons with him in bed to keep him company...which is fine by me.

I know I'm a horrible mother for saying this but I do find joy in a sick day...be it me or one of the kids, a sick day just seems to give us every reason to lay low and not require too much of the day without feeling guilty or lazy about it.....because someone is sick.

I have been on autopilot lately....nothing terribly exciting to report hence the lack of a new posting about the trials and tribulations of my life....lately my life has been pretty even keel which doesn't make for a very exciting daily dump. Whereas I usually write about how exhausted and overworked I am and how overwhelmed by everything I am....or, depending on my hormone levels, how joyous I may be feeling or excited about food or some other such obsession...lately, nothing.

I have always believed that my most artistic self surfaces when I am the most in turmoil or feeling unrest....when I have to struggle with the realities I am faced with I seem to see all sorts of artistic outlets in which to share it with. The opposite is true as well, when things are semi-normal, nothing truly fantastical happening and nothing that truly challenges me I am nothing but a boring heap of...blah. I lose the spark when things get too mundane and straight forward. How's that for picky-poo-ness......When things are tough on me I'm unhappy and when things get easier...Well I'm not unhappy just not as stimulated as I would hope to be.

Speaking of stimulation, I love that word. For some reason it just brings up so much possibility, it sounds exciting doesn't it? AND it conjures up all sorts of lovely thoughts both among the brain and the body....I love words that sound like what they mean, like stimulation...that just sounds stimulating!

I love the word vehemently as well because it's sounds intensely emotional...I also love words that start with 'V' because I have a 'V' name and I connect with them because of the shared initial.

I am still having fun with my shorty-short hairdo...it's interesting how I am looking at fashion completely differently with my new hair...it's so dramatic all on it's own that it seems to make even the most mundane ensembles look sort of edgy. I have also found myself becoming more thoughtful of the make-up I wear because it is so much MORE on display...as a woman who is fair skinned and has very light eyebrows I came to the conclusion yesterday it adds a lot more drama to my face if I add some weight to my eyebrows, via the eyebrow pencil, just like so many of those movie starlets from the 50's and 60's used to....I haven't been sold on the fake mole yet, however.

It's interesting to have such short hair now, the only other time I ever had short hair was back when I was in my early teens and in love with John Taylor from Duran Duran....I truly felt that the only way to express my love was to cut my hair like his, complete with the large stripe of color in the front, since I was a natural blonde I went for red however....it was a pretty bad look looking back on it now. But, at the time... I felt cool! Because of that experience though I always said that I would NEVER have short hair again...however, I guess that's what evolution is all about...looking back on your previous self and thinking how naive you were to say 'never' to something means you have obviously progressed right?

I am looking forward to the evolution of my hair...cutting all of it off has freed me up to try new things and be open to what direction my hair and ultimately my 'look' will go in... honestly right now in even-keelville just the idea of that journey vehemently stimulates me...

Peace,

-V

When life gives ya peaches...

2009-07-16T15:21:00.000-07:00

My god stop the presses!

I am actually semi-happy today. Shocking isn't it?

Last evening my husband arrived home at 7:00 and it felt like a freakin' vacation.

We barbecued and drank some beer and it felt like the way summer is supposed to feel. Then we watched So You Think You Can Dance (my favorite show on TV right now) and sat together and laughed a little...It felt like a normal family!

How little my needs are that a burger a few beers and some time on the couch is all I need to be a happy woman...No high end vacations or extravagant gifts here! I'm like Daisy Duke or some other such low maintenance woman who just needs a slap on the ass and some red meat in order to feel loved. I do wish it was Friday instead of Thursday however but I'm willing to let that slide because the sun is shining and my cup was given a drop of goodness last night.

Tonight I am going to make some curried chicken, at the request of my son who ADORES curried chicken, and I was thinking about making bellinis to go with because I saw Ina Garten making them yesterday on her show and they looked de-lightful! Usually I have issues blending cultures when I'm cooking like Indian and Italian however for some reason the combo of the curry and the peach seems like it would go wonderfully together so I'm willing to look past it.

I haven't totally flushed out what to make to go WITH the curried chicken but jasmine rice seems an obvious choice...we shall see.

Today it's sunny and warm and tomorrow is supposed to be sunny and warm, the weekend is so close I can smell it and tonight I am going to enjoy the winning combination of Prosecco and peaches...I am feeling more optimistic by the second.

Peace,

-V

Barking relentlessly

2009-07-15T16:07:00.000-07:00

Hold on I need to go and kill the dog....

Okay I just moved the chair that's by the window because my 'wittle' dog likes to watch people walk by and bark at them relentlessly and if he continues to do so I will lose my mind.

My theme today is how bad must my mood get before I actually *DO* lose my mind?

Okay to be honest today my mood hasn't been as bad as I expected, I think I am flying the flag of surrender right now...I surrender to the fact that I have no control over my current situation at the moment. I surrender to the fact that this pisses me off and I surrender to the fact that if I continue to wallow in all of it I will... lose my mind....or at least be a total bitch to be around and be miserable to boot!

Last night Michael arrived home at 9:00pm and I started dinner....I keep trying to make light of it by finding cutesy ways to make it seem fun and festive..."We're eating like Europeans..." however we aren't living like Europeans with all their 'Holidays', long lunch breaks and work life balance so it just feels pathetic and dumb when I say it...Okay that was a touch negative...let's try that again. Last night we ate dinner at 9:30...

OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

I just had to move the chair FURTHER from the window! Damn dog!

One more time...

Last night we ate dinner at 9:30 and it felt so exotic....I love it when the days are long and work filled and my down time consists of 30 minutes to an hour tops...it makes me feel so productive...see it's all how I frame reality. If I look at it angrily I will become a negative Nelly and I will lose my mind! However if I look at it through a bright and shiny lens I will be happy and content with the world....I find that a glass of wine helps with this too.

Seriously though I think the hardest and most stressful part of these long days and short evenings is that in all of it I feel a real lack of control.

While I have never considered myself an overly anal or controlling person I think I may actually be one!?!?! I think I have fooled myself to believe that I am as laid back as I always thought I was...because when the chips are down and I have to just take whatever time I can get and pick up all the slack I really suck at it!

I am not a well of patience and I feel resentful and like a big fat baby....which while I know it SOUNDS lovely is actually a very unattractive quality...I am flawed...as hard as that may be for me to admit and you to believe...it's the truth. ;)

Today, however I am surrendering to my flaws as well...I can only be who I am and I am not perfect and I can't do everything and not lose my mind and I surrender to this.

I surrender to it all and I wish *I* could be the one standing on a chair and barking relentlessly and someone would come over and move the chair away from my life for a moment because honestly...I'm tired of barking.

Peace,

-V

Burgers, silk blouses and pearls.

2009-07-14T13:54:00.000-07:00

It's 1:54 and I'm ready for the day to be over.

What a sad state of affairs that is...I should be happy to be alive, happy that the sun is out, happy that I'm healthy and have a roof over my head and food on my table...happy that Michael's not at war and I'm not disfigured...and yet, I'm a spoiled American housewife and I'm cranky and peeved because life is less than perfect right now. So there.

I could tell from the moment I woke up today that my reserves were low...I just felt exhausted right out of bed...and then when I went downstairs to work out and found myself tearing up over a Snoop Dogg song I KNEW my emotions were running high. Such is life I guess, sometimes the days are harder to manage than others....wouldn't it be nice if life were like an old black and white movie, where you could be overly dramatic and it was viewed as deep and artistic instead of how it is in real life, when your all emotional you just come off as a flake or a weakling.

Sometimes it's hard not to throw a pity party for ones self even though one KNOWS in the grand scheme of things, with all the unrest in the world, they have it pretty good and yet as Michael likes to put it..."In a vacuum"... the feelings that I'm feeling are real...even though they aren't life threatening or starvation inducing and I'm not living some kind of horrible dire existence...I am feeling overwhelmed by housework and child rearing and a lack of seeing my husband...when I write it down it sounds so whiny. I apologize for whining, I'm not usually such a baby...I'll blame it on hormones (sorry hormones you always get the blame).

I have been trying my best to figure out a way to put all this emotional energy into something creative, my usual choices are fashion and food so of course I spent a huge chunk of time getting dressed this morning and planning what to make for dinner...I shall pour my unrest into sliders with basil mayonnaise and silk blouses with pearls that make me feel like Jean Seberg ...It MUST work I tell you...It just HAS TO!!! (huge emotional sigh)....so far I'm still feeling grumpy though.

As I look out the window at the sunshine it does make me feel a little more hopeful, life always looks a little brighter when there's sunshine involved...and burgers, silk blouses and pearls.

Peace,

-V

Breathe.

2009-07-13T16:43:00.000-07:00

I am in a mood today.

What can I say, it just seems there is very little to be excited about right now.

I really think I tend to thrive when there is a carrot awaiting me on a stick somewhere along the way and when all that I see lying in the vast open distance is more of the same, it depresses me.

The weekend was short and a touch manic as Michael knew at the onset of Friday that he would have to work one weekend day...so we tried to pack all the fun, and bickering, and relaxation and moodiness into but a single day...and we did just that.

I think if any outsiders witnessed our interactions on Saturday we would have been perceived as a pretty damn dysfunctional family....which we probably are but we usually try harder to hide it.

On Saturday we fought, we made up, we let off some steam...we argued some more...we laughed...a little more bickering.... it seemed like at any given moment someone among the four of us was in a snit....I hate days like that....and when that day *is* your weekend it's even more of a downer. By the time Sunday rolled around we all seemed to have mellowed a bit and we had a really quality family 'moment' as we drove Michael to work....Then the kids and I came home and I painted my nails and they played with Legos in the basement.....If any outsiders witnessed us on Sunday we would have been perceived as a pretty dysfunctional family....okay, you get the point.

I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that the majority of families are messy and imperfect just like us and I have no idea why anyone would feel bad saying otherwise...if life were easy and perfect then I guess raising a family would be easy and perfection would be too but it's not. Being a family is work....raising children, staying happy, trying to maintain a relationship when you spend more time apart then you do together....it's work and sometimes it sucks and yet what is the other option? I'd rather share my life with these people and have it suck sometimes than not and have my life be a bed of roses...which doesn't sound comfortable at all by the way.

I have fantasized many times over about selling all our material possessions and traveling or living a simpler life but deep down when I am realistic with myself I realize that in a way doing that is just trading one kind of hard work for another...maybe even harder work without a home while traveling and without some of the comforts I enjoy in our current lifestyle.....as if one could escape the work? HA!

I think facing the work head on and trying to find joy in it is the key to happiness..at least my happiness.... or at least that is what I want to believe at the moment....or maybe that is what I am just choosing to believe at the moment as that feels like my only option right now.

The work. Do the work, love the work....just love it to pieces....love, love, LOVE the grindstone!

When I'm feeling this way I try to remind and re-remind myself that someday I will look back on this time in my life and miss it desperately.....When my kids were still young, I was busy, my time was not my own, life was crazy, stress was high...It's that whole grass is always greener. When I'm an old lady and my kids are grown I will miss this time doing this work, yet sometimes at this point in my life I miss when my life was simpler and filled with more ease.....when Michael and I were younger and had more time together and less to lose if we fucked up and made mistakes...less depending on each of us....and yet we both actively worked to build the foundation for what we have now....and I love what we have now...I just wish it was easier sometimes.

I find myself telling Thelonious and Fela all the time "Enjoy just being a kid! You guys will have plenty of time to be grown-ups..." When I was a kid my parents said the same to me and yet I couldn't wait to be independent, have my own home...be married and have children and here I am, I have everything I couldn't wait for... and yet right at *this* moment...just for a moment...I would love to stick my toe back into the shallow end of my life, just to remember how it feels, just to lift some of the pressure off... and breathe.... for but a moment.

Peace,

-V

Engulfed Inflamed

2009-07-10T16:58:00.000-07:00

TGFF people, Thank God it's Fucking Friday!

Yesterday I spent the day in the emergency room because I was having severe chest pains.

First off let me say that I am NOT one of those people that runs to the doctor very often because ultimately I don't really trust them and secondly I am not one of those people that usually get her panties in a bunch about being sick or dying....but it was one of those situations that I just didn't feel was 'right' and needed to be checked out....Like when I had horrible cramps in my shoulders and stomach and discovered I had to have my gallbladder removed.

This whole chest pain thing has actually been going on for a while now but I figured I may have slept on my left side wrong or had pulled something and it wasn't until I started having burning pain and a hard time breathing that I started to get really concerned.

So yesterday morning much to my chagrin I decided I had better go see someone and because I was feeling light headed I sat down on my bed and tried to calmly think about what I should do next....

It's weird how when one is faced with what appears to be a crisis one kind of forgets what to do, I started thinking ... "Maybe I should remind the kids about how to call 911 in case I black out?" and then "Does Fela actually know how to USE my phone???" and then "Do either of the kids know where the keypad is on my iPhone? They always call people in my contacts list!"...then I went to thinking "I should really put some clothes on other than my workout clothes because I have worn them twice before and they could use a wash...How embarrassing to be heaved onto a stretcher looking this crappy and smelling even worse! I'm actually a very cleanly woman and take a lot of pride in my appearance so I would hate to be perceived as one of those slovenly people who don't care or wear deodorant" followed by "God my house is a clutter fest, I wish I had picked up more just in case I black out, the kids call 911 and strangers have to enter my home!" You see how the mind works when one believes that an emergent situation is at hand?

Instead however I decided to call the doctor I had seen when I had my gallbladder issues, she of course no longer worked in the practice I called so the woman I spoke to proceeded to give me her new phone number and address. Feeling obligated to write all this information down I grabbed for a pen and a pad of paper by my bed...as I attempted to write the number down (I could find out the address when I called her NEW office) I realized the pen I had had little or no ink left in it...which isn't shocking since Fela likes to use up all the ink in our pens and then discard them wherever she may be when they stop working.... this one just happened to stop working by my bedside. I tried to press as hard as I could and just make an indentation of the numbers on my pad of paper but it didn't work.

At this point I was honestly feeling very overwhelmed, my doctor had changed practices, my pen didn't work, I was light headed and didn't want to stand up (We got no food, no jobs...OUR PET'S HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!) and at this point the kids were in the living room oblivious to any of it and arguing over who got to choose the next book on tape from the library to listen to.... so I decided to call Michael and see if he had some ideas of what I should do next? Luckily Michael was aware that I was feeling funky and so when I called even though he was in a meeting he answered. The minute I heard his voice I burst into tears. The only way I could really explain it was "Something is just NOT right and I need your help!"

Michael is such a good husband, he knows when to freak out and he knows when I'm far too freaked out and he NEEDS to be strong...He was strong, he jumped into a cab, called my Dad and arranged for him to watch the kids and when he arrived home he got me into the car and proceeded to drive all over greater downtown Seattle completely lost because he has the directional sense of a blind man. Luckily my freaked outedness was manageable enough that I could help him find the hospital, as I have the sense of direction in this relationship, and luckily his lack of direction also gave us something to laugh about which improves any situation...laughter is great medicine indeed!

When we finally arrived at the hospital they got us in immediately and hooked me up to a bunch of machines and watched....everything looked good. Heart? good. blood clots? Nope...honestly at this point I was thinking about this show I had watched that was all on misdiagnoses and wondering if I was going to become one of those people that spends their lives suffering from an unnamed illness and traveling the world in search of treatment....overly dramatic, me? Nooooo.

So after I was asked if I use cocaine regularly or if I had recently traveled overseas.... rather anticlimactically the doctor comes in and says "Well on your chest X-ray it shows you have some inflammation in the cartilage of your rib cage which can cause very similar symptoms to that of a heart attack." I of course asked "Well what causes this?" and he said, "Honestly, we don't know?" And that was that.

I did get an IV of anti inflammatory drugs and some drugs to take for the next week or so to keep the inflammation at bey and I'm supposed to take it easy, but other than that I am back home and back to my normal routine.

Honestly I'm not feeling that great today, the same pain and tingling and occasional heaviness in my chest is still there but the funny thing is I know it's all okay.... so it's okay.

I think the great fear that I experienced yesterday was not fear of a heart attack but that of the truly unknown, illness, trauma, death...leaving my children without a mother, my husband without a wife...my family without me and after thinking about and contemplating that for the better part of a day...a little inflamed rib cartilage seems extremely manageable right now.

Peace,

-V

To Hair is human.

2009-07-08T12:09:00.000-07:00

Wow it's Wednesday already!

That's not a bad thing, I like it when weeks fly by...I guess? Then again perhaps I should look at time passing too quickly as a bad thing considering I'm not getting any younger.

So this weekend was sort of bizarre, to say the least....

What started out as a random Friday ended with us barbecuing in a parking lot, meeting a crazy man who wanted nothing more than to ROCK and the shaving of my head....which seems so out of character for me (the shaving of my head that is, not the barbecue or the crazy man) in some ways and so LIKE me in others....I keep waiting for some kind of remorse or a sudden shock to my system that I did it...and yet every time I look at myself in the mirror I LIKE IT!

While we were watching 'Never Cry Wolf' the other night I was taken by a quote by Brian Dennehy's character in which he says "Do you know what the cure for boredom is? ADVENTURE"...I liked it so much I even wrote it down so I could remember it....I keep coming back to this when I look back on the events that led up to my shorning and I think I was indeed needing some adventure and my hair took the fall.

It's interesting to see peoples reactions to my lack of hair, as a woman I think so much of our femininity and sexuality is tied up in our hair (pun intended) and I have to admit I have had moments where I look at myself and wonder if I look masculine because of a lack of a frame to my face that my hair had always been...the funny thing is I am feeling more patience toward my curves, my butt that I usually feel is larger than I would like it to be and my breasts that aren't as perky as I had hoped, the things about me that ARE distinctively feminine because they seem to stand out positively in opposition to my lack of hair.

Clothing feels different, make-up takes on a whole new art form and my jewelry has jumped up to the forefront of my thoughts as it seems to really enhance whatever character I am trying to create when I'm getting dressed in the morning. It's funny how a drastic hair change can make me see everything differently and yet in some ways it has...It's required me to think about myself differently too...which has been interesting.

Before Michael and I were married and we were REALLY broke I decided to dye my hair at home to save money....I bought some really cheap hair color that was too dark for me and after I finished I was devastated at how bad it looked. I remember being just a wreck and feeling so upset that I just didn't look like me! I ended up spending money we didn't have to go and have it professionally fixed because I JUST COULDN'T LIVE WITH IT! I look back on that now and think how silly I was....my hair has been SO many colors since then and now it's all gone and I REALLY don't look like me!!

But of course I am still me, I had to tell Fela that a few times as she definitely was the most taken aback by it....this morning she drew a picture of me and as she presented it to me she pointed out the hair...just a few little lines sprouting out from the top of the head...and said "See! It's your new hairdo!" Yes, it's still me.

Peace,

-V

Mmm I love that sunshiney goodness....

2009-07-01T14:14:00.000-07:00

The neighbors just came over and asked the kids to go fly a kite....I mean literally fly a kite not like telling them off...so I am currently home alone which is a rarity for me on a weekday.

Honestly it's kind of weird because it's so quiet and calm and I can keep the mess to a minimum when it's just me...at the same time after a little while I always start to get a little bored and look forward to their return because I like the energy and the noise...the mess? Not so much.

I am trying my best to adjust my shitty attitude and find the joy in the mundane...honestly if I had my druthers (love that word) I would love to be on some culturally rich vacation eating gourmet foods, prepared by others, and drinking great wine...the reality is it's just not going to happen in the near future so I need to actively commit to finding pleasure in what I currently got going on.

Last night when Michael called and said he wouldn't be home for dinner (again) I threw a stinky baby fit and filled only three plates bitching the whole way...when we sat down Thelonious looked at me and said "Well, at least Dad's not in the war!"....of course this immediately made me feel both like an asshole and defensive... I looked at him and said "Yeah and at least I'm not disfigured!"....It was one of those moments where I was acting like the kid and he the adult and it made me secure in the fact that someday he will totally be able to manage diapering and feeding me once I lose control of my bladder and arm functions.

Luckily I also took a little piece of wisdom from that interaction as well and decided I need to TRY to see things a little more glass half full right now. When god gives ya lemons ya gotta make lemonade! How homespun and corny is that and yet there is a grain of truth to it as well.

So today I got up and after seeing a picture of Venice Italy at sunset on one of my favorite fashion blogs http://www.thesartorialist.com/photos/63009Venicesunset_144Web.jpg I decided that I was going to take a vacation in my head....just like when Dr. Marvin tells Bob to "Take a vacation from his problems" I too am taking those baby steps towards enjoying all the little things in my life in all their glory.

Along with my mental vacation to Venice I have also decided in order to keep it authentic I would make a delicious Italian meal for dinner tonight. Of course when I approached the kids for ideas they both screamed "Spaghetti with Meatballs!"...at first I let my culinary snobbery take over and I said "Ooooh that's kinda boring"...but then as I looked in their little eyes filled with disappointment I decided to buck up and throw them a bone. I figured spaghetti and meatballs could be AWESOME if I gave it the 'V' treatment! So I have made homemade sauce for the spaghetti and I have the meatballs all ready to be balled sitting in the fridge all full of Italian flavored goodness...I'm going to make a homemade Ceaser salad and I even made homemade ice cream sandwiches for dessert with some leftover cookie dough and ice cream in the freezer.

So the take home message is as much as in the depths of bitchiness I hate to hear it, attitude *IS* everything....and right now I am trying to channel my sunshiney goodness with all my might!

Peace,

-V

For what it's worth.

2009-06-30T15:34:00.000-07:00

I'm having a really BIG hair day....and I'm lazy because it's warm and have decided to go with it and refrain from getting out the 'smoothing iron'...we'll see how long that lasts.

It's only Tuesday and so far my week has left a little bit to be desired......I hate that.

You would think that it being a short week, due to the fourth of July weekend plus the beautiful weather that it would fly by...and considering the fact that I am estrogenly gifted right now I would also be happy as a clam...I love that term and I often wonder ARE clams super happy?...but I digress...you would THINK I would be in a great space...and yet it's more like...eh, whatever.

Last night at around 5ish ish ish, Michael emailed me (I've already explained the email letdown versus the phone call letdown before and it's pros and cons) to let me know that he would not be home anytime soon and most likely not until the wee hours of the morning....which is always a pick me up.... so I trudged forward with my evening, started dinner and crankily called the kids in to let them know it would "Just be us"....

Lately I have been wondering what it would be like to get a shitload of plastic surgery? Having had two experiences already 'under the knife' I can't imagine going through the pain of recovery unless absolutely necessary...HOWEVER how awesome would it be to take care of all those 'less than perfect' portions of your body without having to do anything but go to sleep!!!!...okay maybe not.

Briefly after I stopped nursing I had fantasies about getting a boob lift but for some reason the cost of it seemed insane and I always came back to a place where I felt like I would rather travel somewhere with that money and just buy a good bra...I guess that's the beauty of being super duper wealthy...you can do BOTH!

Speaking of being really wealthy, I'm thinkin' I would like to try that...just from like age 40 on...I figure I did the whole poor thing and then the middle class thing, now I want to try out super wealthy, just to see how it feels!

...Michael just called me and I have a sneaking suspicion that it will "Just be us" tonight as well, he didn't say it outright but he dropped hints. Poop. Once again that super-wealth preferably due to some kind of whopping inheritance is looking real good right now....real good.

I made pie crust again today planning to make quiche for dinner...but if it's "Just us" I will probably settle for something less gourmet and easy...because I'm lazy like that..and so far my week has been eh...whatever.

Peace,

-V

The 10

2009-06-29T19:10:00.001-07:00

Here is a list of things that I hate:

1. My lack of patience

2. When there is ONE eyebrow hair that eludes me and I end up working so hard to pluck it that it gets all red and looks bad.

3. When I come home to Coco puff pee all over my newly mopped floor.

4. When people try to give me solutions while I'm venting.

5. The need to vent in the first place.

6. When my kids are destructive and use the phrase "I just wasn't thinking"

7. Low blood sugar.

8. Over eating due to low blood sugar.

9. Stains on my clothes.

10. Lying to my face.

Ahhh it's been a fun day!

Peace,

-V

Time Waits For No One

2009-06-26T16:56:00.000-07:00

Michael Jackson died yesterday and I am having a very hard time with it.

I feel like such a cheese ball for being as affected by this as I am and yet I feel like my sense of loss is for the memories of that time in which I truly loved Michael Jackson and his music was the accompaniment to all my fantasies, my dreams, my ideas...my youth.

It's almost like a part of my younger self died along with all the memories Michael Jackson dying brought up in me...and I am mourning her.

I remember being 11 when I really got into M.J., I heard Billie Jean on the radio and it seemed kind of grown up and a little 'dirty' to me...and I liked it! I remember exactly where we were (in the car driving on the north side of Bellingham) and who I was with (Naomi) and I remember wanting to hear more.

I remember when I first heard Thriller all the way through and how I liked the whole vibe and attitude about the album...it made me want to dance and be outrageous and it made me feel cool and it filled me with possibility.

Off the Wall was to be discovered next, and then I purchased every single Jackson's album from the 70's, Triumph, Destiny etc., which is actually where I was originally introduced to funk!!

Then came the obsessive collections of memorabilia...T-shirts, books, pins, posters....you name it I had it...I even spent an entire weekend sewing sequins on a women's glove purchased from my local Woolworth's after the Motown 25th Anniversary Special was aired on television.

I watched 'The Making of Thriller' so many times I could recite the lines Michael said and I remember staying up late for world premiere videos on MTV and spending endless hours listening to his records over and over...just one more time through.

Michael Jackson was funky-fresh and cool but still feminine enough to not be a big scary man, he seemed like someone you could almost relate to like another kid and as a young woman just starting to like boys that appealed....not to mention he was a kick ass dancer!

Every song that Michael sang about 'P.Y.T's', 'Ladies in his Life' and 'Lovely Ones' fueled my pre-pubescent fire about what love and being loved by a man, someday, might be like.

I honestly can't even look back on a large portion of my early teens without some reference to Michael Jackson? I even waited for 4 hours in the rain to buy tickets to see Michael and his brothers on the Victory tour in Vancouver B.C....By the time the concert rolled around my mother got sick and was unable to go so my best friend Zoe came with us...I remember feeling so ecstatic at the idea of just being in the same place at the same time with someone I admired so much...

Mostly though, I remember that my infatuation was long before all the craziness that is now the final remembrance of Michael Jackson, it was before allegations of child molestation and skin bleaching and purchasing of the Elephant man's bones... it WAS after a nose job and some chin implants, but that seems down right NORMAL now? It was long before his marriages and the kids that don't look like they could actually carry his DNA.

It was a time when Michael was still young and innocent and lovable... and I loved him.

I also loved that time in my life, I was young and innocent as well and I was full of possibility and excitement...and for this I will always miss Michael Jackson....I will miss everything that *I* was when he was EVERYTHING to me....

Sadly time passes, and so do we...

Peace,

-V

Damn you pie crust!

2009-06-24T15:49:00.000-07:00

I am currently making a blueberry pie.

I know I said yesterday that I wasn't going to do it because I was feeling portly, well I still am but I just couldn't stop myself. You know when babies first learn to sit up, or pull themselves up on furniture or walk how they will wake up in the middle of the night to try out their new skill? That's the way I am feeling about pies...Okay well I haven't gotten up in the middle of the night to bake a pie but at the rate I'm going it's not that far off!

Pie crust is a brand new skill for me and since making that rhubarb pie, and for the first time making a crust, I am feeling challenged (by myself only) to try and discover all the keys to perfect pie crust like the heavenly flaky goodness that was every pie my Grandmother ever made...It's a challenge I am willing to take on even if it requires me to go up a jeans size.

Okay... maybe not.

Michael flew in from Philly this morning and took a cab straight from the airport to work so we will see him this evening for dinner, YAY!

Whenever Michael comes home from traveling I always feel like I need to mark the evening with some kind of special dinner or dessert (pie!)...then again I also feel like I need to mark Friday nights with a special meal as well...and Saturdays... Sunday dinner is when my entire family gets together so therefore the meal is extensive....I'm starting to see a pattern of food as my main source of entertainment..aren't you?

Back when I was going to Weight Watchers meetings regularly they would always talk about ways to change your routines to be less focused on food "Get together with a girlfriend and power walk instead of having coffee and a pastry!" No offense Weight Watchers because I actually do think you are a marvelous program but who in the hell would rather power walk with a friend or loved one over having a latte and a raspberry scone?

I know it's a nice idea and one that Shape Magazine and Fit Magazine and all those magazines focused on making you lean firm and GORGEOUS also fully promote and endorse...but I am just not willing to blatantly lie to myself in this way....it's not nearly as enjoyable... period..... blueberry pie beats a jog any day!

I have allowed the kids to have their Wii hour early today (we call it a Wii hour because they can either play Wii for an hour or watch t.v....and it gives me a Wee bit of a break) primarily so I won't kill and/or make their ears bleed from lecturing them too much.

Sometimes kids just have no sense at all...okay actually MOST of the time, but sometimes it really throws me for a loop (even MORE than normal!!).

Honestly, who in their right mind thinks it's a good idea to dig a 2-3 foot hole in the driveway and then fill it with old grungy kiddie pool water and cover it with boards that read 'caution' ?? You know who? My kids do! And the sad part is this all happened in the time it took me to make two pie crusts which just proves that my whole personal pie crust challenge not only runs the risk of affecting my waistline but also my driveway, my temper AND the kids!

Damn you pie crust!

Peace,

-V

Boring is as boring does.

2009-06-23T16:41:00.000-07:00

I'm bored...B-O-R-E-D bored!

Today has been a day of colossal monotony...which many of my days are actually...but today's seems particularly bad I guess.

I am having such a hard time finding anything to entertain my thoughts as I do all the boring routine things that are required in my daily life....I even purchased an US weekly in hopes to get a wee bit titillated by some celebrity gossip and it too, was lame.

I have changed my jewelry and my shoes several times today in hopes of striking a special style blend that would perk me up and I have played with the idea of baking a blueberry pie thinking that just the creative process of making something new might put a little bounce in my step....

I decided against the pie because I am feeling portly and the last thing I need to do is off-set the delicate balance between felling portly and down right FAT! And so far my fashions seem to be lacking the spark I was hoping for as well.

Michael is still in Philadelphia so this evening we are going to have dinner with my parents. Always nice to have a little adult conversation and the kids love it and are happy because Grandma and Grandpa always make something they like for dinner...and are way nicer and more fun than me...which is truly the beauty of grand parenting, I'm sure Thelonious and Fela's kids will just LOVE ME!

I am currently waiting on my ground beef to thaw so I can make some meatballs, to go with the spaghetti grandma and grandpa are making, which is honestly about the most intensely exciting portion of my day so far...the chance to play with some meat (I miss you honey) because other than *that* today could really be any other day I have ever had in which there has been very little outside stimulation and nothing particularly fun has happened....Wow that just SOUNDS incredibly boring! No wonder I'm bored?

Peace,

-V

Cheeeeeeeeese Gromit!

2009-06-22T15:59:00.000-07:00

Today I am pooped!

It's Monday and I feel like I could hold up and sleep for the rest of the week! Unfortunately this isn't an option as Michael is out of town until Thursday so I kind of need to be awake....and semi-alert.

This weekend was lovely and relaxing, which we needed, Michael's birthday was very mellow and Father's day was relaxing as well...and yet I am still exhausted. All I can think is I must be suffering from some kind of hormonal imbalance, or Lyme's disease....or Epstein bar virus...one of those for sure...why else would I be tired?

Because I am so tired I just made myself another cup of coffee and I just happen to have a slice of honey vanilla pound cake left...so I ate that too. Of course once I ate the buttery doughy goodness that was the last slice of pound cake I felt kind of bad and then reasoned with myself that I would just have a small salad for dinner......okay just 'something' small and low in calories, whatever that may be, for dinner......okay maybe something small and low in calories, with just a little piece of cheese for protein......for dinner!

Why is it that when I feel tired nothing appeals more than some kind of comfort food option?

As I was driving from Fela's piano lesson to the grocery store I was trying to make up a meal plan for the week...one that I could manage in my head and didn't require paper and a pencil, because I can't drive and write at the same time. I know a LOT of people can do all sorts of things while driving including talking on the phone and texting, I however am not very skilled in the driving while talking/texting/writing/anything else arts... sometimes singing along with the radio draws my attention away from the wheel a little too much...

But I digress, I was making up a meal plan in my head and all I kept coming back to was macaroni and cheese, toasted cheese, pizza....anything with cheese....Perhaps I'm needing more calcium in my diet, hence all the cravings for cheese?

Well if that's the case I feel better about eating the pound cake because there was a lot of butter in it and butter contains calcium...doesn't it? Are there side effects with a calcium deficiency that might align with my being so tired? Or is calcium all just for bone health?.....and deep down do I really care? No, no I don't....I just want to take a nap and eat some cheese.

Peace,

-V

Paula Abdul was right!

2009-06-20T13:14:00.001-07:00

Today is my husbands Birthday and I love him.

Because it is his big day, I am allowing him (because we all know who is the boss around here!) to do whatever he wants and he has chosen to clean.

Yes clean.

He is currently downstairs in the basement listening to club music and using the shop vac. He is also rearranging furniture....the television... and mopping.

It's hard to believe that we are as compatible as we are because just about the LAST thing I would ever want to do on my Birthday is clean.

On my Birthday I want to be pampered and waited on hand and foot, I don't want to even LOOK at a cleaning accoutrement let alone touch one or *gasp* use it?!?!?!

On my Birthday I want to eat cake and be sung to and maybe have a decedent meal....mopping is not part of this equation.

On my Birthday I want to laze about on the couch and be hand fed grapes like a roman...shop vac's are NOT welcome.

Today is my husbands Birthday.....and I love him.

Peace,

-V

The cash-on-hand conundrum.

2009-06-17T14:50:00.000-07:00

Poopy, Poopy, Poop! Poop!

My lovely husband just emailed me that he will NOT be home for dinner tonight.

I think he avoids calling me because he knows I will give him cranky attitude and he'll feel bad versus email in which I can't react immediately with bitchy fervor but instead let it fester and pour my anger into some kind of creative outlet....like writing ;)

Today I dealt with one of the major downsides of being a parent...money.

Not the huge cost of raising and educating children but the complete exhaustion that occurs when kids have any kind of money to spend....It's like they are possessed by the retail shopping fairy and can't focus on anything other than spending all the money they have just acquired on some kind of kid approved pastic-ey goodness.

Thelonious earned five bucks collecting a neighbors mail this weekend and Fela had saved five bucks that the tooth fairy had left over the last few teeth lost, then between them they earned another 10 for washing Coco puff and shoveling sheep poop....so they each had ten bucks smoldering in little crumpled up wads in their pocket and all they could focus on from the moment they woke up this morning was the impending trip to Target to spend it all...and FAST!

Ten dollars just isn't what it used to be though? There was once a time when a ten spot bought a kid all sorts of wonderful things...a toy, a soda, a pack of gum AND a bag of candy....nowadays however ten bucks is like chump change in the toy aisle, all the crappy toys and trinkets that will eventually be picked up by the vacuum start at around 14.99 (plus tax!) and go up from there!

At one point Thelonious was drawn in by a transformer helmet (I have no idea what the appeal is but I support his interest) until he realized it was 40 bucks!! He then looked at me with hopeful abandon in his eyes and said "Mom?...could I maybe get this?" in hopes that I would be overcome by it's beauty and throw in the additional 30 dollars (plus tax!) I replied "What do you think?"

The reason I find this process so exhausting is not so much the reality that ten dollars doesn't buy what it used to but because of the laborious process of perusing the toy aisle and being asked 14,000 times "Mom? Could I get this?"and me having to break down both the cost, how much money they actually HAVE (how quickly they forget?) and how we must consider sales tax....and then my gut wrenching reaction to the fact that the majority of the stuff available for kids to spend their hard earned money on is so cheap and tacky that I feel frustrated just imagining it entering my home and remaining there for any period of time....before I inevitably pick it up and place it in my value village bag or sweep it up and discard of it in the recycling.

At this point in our 'money-earned shopping trips' I usually decide to make suggestions as to things that are more affordable and less annoying to me...Like books or art supplies....even candy or chocolate milk as at least they well be enjoyed and then gone to be discarded in other receptacles rather than my dust pan or my ever growing value village bag.

After much deliberation and what felt like two full days and nights at Target, Thelonious decided on the second book in his new favorite series and I talked Fela into some pipe cleaners, beads, new pens and some temporary tattoos. If I had been smart I would have picked up dinner for three and a better attitude as well...It's amazing what a one stop shopping mecca Target has become!

Peace,

-V

Baked on goodness.

2009-06-16T14:20:00.000-07:00

When I was 5 years old I lived in a house on a rock in Friday Harbor that my father built.

When I was five it also burnt down to the ground, we literally lost everything...The only possessions that we had were our car, my dad's guitar which was in the car and a bag of dirty laundry that was also in the car awaiting a trip to the laundromat...oh and our dog.

When the fire started to engulf the roof of our house my mother got my sister and I out of our beds and onto the front porch and the first thing she said to us was "Girls, all our pots and pans are gone!"

While all this sounds incredibly desolate and sad, at the moment I am seeing this kind of gigantic lifestyle change as freeing and almost titillating......how interesting would it be if everything you owned was lost forever and how much of it would you actually miss?

I think about this all the time as I approach the 'junk' room in the nether region of our basement or when I become overwhelmed by the piles upon piles of laundry that await me in front of my commercial capacity washer and dryer. If all of it were to up and disappear or just burn up, after the initial shock of it all would I really care?

Now don't get me wrong I am certainly not advocating arson or saying house fires aren't devastating, of course they are and of course I would be terribly upset to lose photos of my children as infants and special drawings and paintings they have done over the years....I would feel sad to lose our piano that has been around since I was a child and of course the Tiffany pearls that Michael bought me for my birthday...the rest of it though I think I could live without....Okay some of my clothes I would miss, the ones that make me look especially well proportioned and svelte....but I could always get a few new things, right?

Okay I would also feel sad if I lost my heritage gravy bowl and the black dresser that's been in my family since the civil war......I 'm also a big fan of our espresso machine and the little rainbow cups I just got to go with...Okay so my point is that unless I really sit and rack my brain about all the things that mean something to me I really don't give them that much thought throughout my daily life and at times I find them to be more work to keep up then they bring me pleasure....Isn't that kind of sad?

I do realize that some of these things one needs in order to function, the espresso machine and the pearls ESPECIALLY! But some of it I question why I ever thought I needed it in the first place because it's so much damn work to take care of...like the kids ;)

Seriously though sometimes a housewife like myself looks about her domain and just feels overwhelmed by all that needs doing and will ALWAYS need doing...There is always laundry and always meals to prepare, there are always arguments to mediate and always questions to answer and rooms to clean out and garbage to try and get under control and weeds...lots and lots of weeds to pull....and yet I guess all this is the work of living life that hopefully we look back on as old ladies as the best time in our lives, when life is busy and overwhelming and all we can do is try to stay afloat...and keep the dishwasher emptied and ready to be filled.

It's like that great John Lennon line "Life is what happens to you while your busy making other plans"

I think a little too often I tend to define living as the big things, dramatic events, big raises, vacations to far flung destinations...I look at the big things as what life is all about...and yet I think there is a real flaw to this and I need to work on looking at life a little differently. The reality is for an average woman such as myself, it is the scraping of baked on tidbits off of a salad tong while hearing your kids argue about what it takes to be a pirate that is what life is all about...at least for right now... and I think I might actually miss that salad tong if it were to up and disappear or be lost in a house fire...

At the moment I am trying to remind myself of this...on this average Tuesday in my life.

Peace,

-V

Veni Vidi Bitchy!

2009-06-11T16:53:00.000-07:00

I am feeling like a royal bitch today!

Well I am queen of the household therefore I have the right to be a royal bitch right?

I am feeling overworked and underpaid as well, which isn't hard considering my salary. Sometimes we just have weeks in which everything seems to need doing and nine out of ten of these weeks seem to also be weeks in which Michael has a lot of demands on him at work so therefore since my work is in the home I do ALL the work IN the home!

Last night after a whirlwind day that didn't seem to end, Michael finally arrived home at 8pm and was in a mood and wondered why I TOO was in a mood and it all seemed to go down hill from there...right now I am just exhausted by full time parenting, housekeeping, schooling, instrument practice dog care...and lamb care! While the kids are definitely at an age where they can be much more helpful physically the emotional burden of it all still rests on my shoulders and at times that really wears me down.

Perhaps this is just my mood but sometimes I feel like the very lowest member on the totem pole...even as I write this I have one child trying to tell me about how she attempted to feed the lambs a treat and the Mama didn't get any (I feel your pain Mama Lamb) and the other wants to know what 'sleet' is....It's just like I'm constantly at every ones beck and call and nobody seems to really care how *I'M* doing. My husband, while wonderful (most of the time) seems to also lose sight of the fact that I may have needs from time to time, it's like he's so used to me holding it all together that he's taken aback when I'm suddenly losing it?

Sometimes I question if I need to just slack off more and leave more things 'Undone' in order to maintain my sanity...but the reality is I feel like a certain amount of order only helps my sanity....like this afternoon instead of totally losing it at the kids (who were having a knock down drag out over a stick...yes a stick?!?) I made them help me clean the house because I knew it would make me feel more at ease to have one more thing checked off the 'to do' list which is my life...I probably would have been better off having an iced coffee and reading a magazine but then the whole 'House needs cleaning' would have been hanging over my head and I wouldn't have been relaxed.....while relaxing.

Every once in a while I like to fantasize about a world in which my needs could be met without sacrificing the needs of my children, my husband, our family or our home! Wouldn't that be wonderful!!! If when I was completely at my breaking point I could easily slip away and refill my cup, without it affecting our life or being incredibly costly....like a little parallel existence for moms (that didn't involve hallucinogenic drugs) where the primary goal is to feel semi-important again and like your needs actually matter!!!

I usually come out of this daydream quicker than I would like however.... because someone needs me.... or my old friend the dishwasher needs filling.... or my mood just doesn't allow for such fantasy....I find cursing under my breath works when this is the case.

Peace,

-V

Thank god I'm a country GIRL!

2009-06-09T15:35:00.000-07:00

Today our rental sheep arrived as this weekend Michael came up with the hair brained idea that we should rent goats to weed our back yard...like the Pemco commercial...

One minute I was taking a shower and the next Michael was standing in the bathroom as I toweled off with the phone at his ear renting live stock. Initially I was good humored about it as I was fresh and clean and had just baked a pie...but the more I thought about it the more worried I got because after all it would be a few more things to keep track of around the house??? For the love-a-Pete I already have two kids and two dogs, laundry, cooking, schooling , what the hell do I need goats for?

Michael did what he always does which is try to spin his crazy shenanigans into something to benefit our children "Honey, this could be a GREAT educational experience for the kids! And it's a lot cheaper than hiring a landscaper...." because I was feeling relaxed I let him move forward and decided to try and just go along for the ride and hope for the best.

Gradually our goats turned into a Mama Sheep and two babies (they are supposedly even better weeders and less likely to climb) and then the day of drop off was decided!

I have talked about Michael's manic approach to our landscaping before, it's something I deal with every summer when all the weeds return and our backyard looks like crap...the sad part being that we poured a bunch of money into it about 4 years ago and it now looks like we just moved in again and the prior owners were lazy as shit!

Last night Michael wanted to have a little 'pre-sheep' work party and was trying to get the kids and I jazzed up about it...the honest truth is, I just don't have a love for gardening.....I don't live for getting my hands in the dirt, I don't daydream of perfectly even and edged beds of flowers...I just wasn't raised that way! Michael was raised in the suburbs where lawns stay green year round and a weedy landscape is looked 'DOWN' upon..I however was raised in the country, where yards are free to grow as they please...and Sheep serve as counterpart to the suburban weed wacker!

Peace,

-V

Keep your fork THERE'S PIE!!

2009-06-08T13:52:00.000-07:00

Hold on a minute....

I needed to go and put lipstick on because I can't write without lipstick.

This is not the USUAL time that I write in this blog, I usually do it in the late afternoon when the kids have their t.v. time but today I am feeling like living on the EDGE....just like the Aerosmith song. This morning, right after breakfast I made dinner, I didn't work out until around 11am and I ate my lunch at 1...this is what I like to call a crazy mixed-up day and every once in a while they are required in order to maintain a certain level of sanity when you stay home all day every day with two children.

This weekend was lovely, Michael got home from Alabama earlier then anticipated so when the kids and I arrived home after music lessons he had already unpacked, gone to the store and prepared a lovely Friday night dinner...It was a nice way to begin the weekend for sure. I'm trying to remember what we did on Saturday? Isn't it weird how sometimes an entire day just goes by without any significant event in which to remember it?

Saturday NIGHT we had a wonderful dinner with close friends but Satur-DAY? My mind draws a blank. All and all it must have been okay because I have no real negative feelings about it.

Sunday morning I can remember.

I spent almost the entire morning making a pie....which is very unlike me. While I LOVE cooking baking has never really been my strong point, it's just not something I do that often, because I really don't need baked goods hanging about my kitchen, so therefore I am not as talented in the baking arts. On Sunday morning however I opened up my refrigerator and looking back at me were 6 lovely stocks of rhubarb that I had purchased a week earlier planning to make something with rhubarb in it and had just never gotten around to!

The rhubarb had a sadness in it's stock that I couldn't overlook and at that same time it seemed my Grandma Gynith, who was honestly, a goddess of all things baked, seemed to nudge me in the direction of a pie.

Now I know I'm being a bit silly but I actually did feel as though my Grandma was with me in the kitchen....I'm not sure I have completely flushed out my beliefs about death and the afterlife but I kind of like to hold onto the idea that the energy of the people who mean a great deal to you remains in your life even after their bodies have gone.

As I made my very first pie crust I could actually visualize my Grandma and how she looked when she baked....her apron, the expression on her face, the way she silently whistled as she formed the dough that would become crust into a ball (my Grandma had lost all of her hearing before I was born and read lips, when she whistled no actual sound came out just a constant pulsing of air) and after my pie crust had 'relaxed' and was ready to go into the pan I tried to remember exactly how she had made the rolling edge on the pan with her index finger and thumb.

My pie wasn't as beautiful Grandma Gynith's always were even though I tried my best to replicate them but I cut myself a little slack knowing that this was my first and she had made thousands over her lifetime. With this first pie however I did come to the conclusion that the best way I could possibly honor my Grandma was not to only tell the tales of her baking but also to try a little harder to share the memories of the process that came flooding back while making my first pie.... I have a feeling Grandma would be proud.

Peace,

-V

Wasting away again in Fashionistaville...

2009-06-01T16:40:00.000-07:00

Don't get me wrong I LOVE all this beautiful sunny weather we are having but at the same time I am in crisis, a serious, upsetting, bordering on catastrophic crisis.

Last years summer fashions are NOT working for me.

Okay so I'll probably survive this little bump in the road, however it sometimes seems that just as I have found a fashion groove the seasons change, requiring lighter clothing and/or heavier gear and then I need to completely re-asses my style and reinvent the 'look' I'm going for!

In reality this is why I LOVE fashion is the opportunity to re-invent ones self and I also love the opportunity to be overly dramatic which fashion also allows me....

but while trying to make sense of the mood I am currently in, the weather that is being offered and how best to combine all of that into something to wear on a daily basis can be downright EXHAUSTING!

I hate it when I put an ensemble together, which takes me far longer than it should by the way, to then exit the home at some point on an errand and then catch a glimpse of said ensemble to discover that it is NOT working for me....it's enough to ruin my entire outing!

Be it not the mood I am in, catching an unflattering angle that I hadn't noticed or discovering a stain or rip I was unaware of it really can send my mood into a tailspin...yes it's sad, yes it's shallow but I am a mature and aware enough woman to know my weaknesses.

This morning the weather was so warm and beautiful from the get go that I KNEW it was a light and fluffy kind of day, but I was having the hardest time trying to decided which direction of light and fluffy to go? Do I go boho? preppy? or do I turn more to the exotic? It was a major quandary and one that I seemed to be missing key pieces in order to pull off....

See my fashion philosophy oscillates between keeping it simple and taking a grain of inspiration to the extreme! It really depends on my mood which is ultimately ruled by my hormones, so basically one can determine which day of my cycle it is by how I'm dressed and I'm not ashamed to admit it!

A while back when Michael was out of town on business I was up late watching TV, because that's what I do when he's gone and I have no one to sleep next to, and I flipped it to TLC or History or something like that and they were doing one of those shows about human sexuality and how basically when it comes to sex we ARE animals (shocker) and when a woman is most likely to become pregnant she preens herself in a more fastidious fashion than when her body is less likely to become pregnant...

This TOTALLY made sense to me, why wouldn't she? Then I began to take notice of this phenomenon in myself, even though I have no interest in getting pregnant again I do notice when I am more interested in doing all the things that would MAKE me become pregnant again my ensembles definitely take on a more dramatic tone.... Which proves that fashion is actually the key, if not the meaning of life....okay maybe not but it sounded pretty convincing didn't it?

Anyway back to my fashion DILEMMA.....the beauty of fashion *IS* evolution and yet currently the fashion crises I am experiencing is which way am I wanting to evolve?

Luckily I think I can handle it and I will probably come out of all of this a better woman for it.

Wish me luck.

Peace,

-V

How much is that doggy in the window arf arf

2009-05-28T16:20:00.001-07:00

Today I am feeling like a middle aged mother of two.

Wait, okay so I AM a middle aged mother of two..sort of, I HOPE to live past the age of 74 but like everyone says "You could die tomorrow!" in which case I would actually be a senior and I am choosing not to think like that as it would just depress me.

I think my middle age feelings, other than the fact that I am looking more wrinkly than usual today, are coming from the fact that at the moment I am *so* damn tired!

This morning at 5am-ish Coco puff once again took a colossal whiz in her bed and all over the living room floor and this time left turds in the kitchen perhaps as a little 'Fuck you' to me for not refilling her pee pee pills yet as she KNOWS the kitchen is my domain.

Needless to say a huge crack-o-dawn bleaching session was in order and so that is how Michael and I spent some 'quality' time together this week...early morning fun with feces and urine!

The upside to all of this, yes there is an actual upside to geriatric pets, is that after the cleaning was taken care of Michael and I actually had a nice little morning together as the kids slept and he even made me two coffees in bed..yes two, they were so nice I needed twice...as many.

The downside however was that by 9 0'clock I had hit the wall and was ready to go back to bed.

I really have to give props to those folks that can get up everyday at 5am and feel just great...that has never been me however, even when I was teaching and HAD to get up that early in order to be to school on time it felt unnatural and inhumane.

I really prefer 7:30-8:00am followed by some coffee in bed, reading a few emails and catching a little news before my feet even touch the floor. The reality of this has really solidified for me that I may have been switched at birth as I believe I was meant to be born into a family that was afforded a life of leisure instead of to the teen parents who worked for a living that I went home with?

At this point the damage has been done, however so who am I to try and undo it? Sadly because of the stringent class systems that prevail in our country I was forced into a marriage and a life that requires, every so often, that I awake at ungodly times of the morning to clean up bulldog pee as well....who ever said life was fair?

Today as I was loafing about exhausted from my 5am waking Thelonious was loafing about as well but because he got up at the more acceptable hour of 8am and is only 9-years-old and it was a school day I felt the need to talk with him about the importance of being motivated, getting things done and how he couldn't just LAZE about all day listening to stories and drawing comic book characters!

After the 'lecture' had taken it's course he looked at me and said, "God I wish there was some way I could live like a dog....I mean look at Coco! She just lays about all day long!" to this of course as a good mother I looked for a reason that in fact it WOULDN'T be as enjoyable to be a dog and the only thing I could come up with was that she eats the same thing everyday.....Other than that though....I think Coco puff and I may have been separated at birth?

Peace,

-V

Veg et al

2009-05-27T16:24:00.000-07:00

Barbecued Arty-chokes make me happy!...

....that and sunshine and the fact that it's Wednesday INSTEAD of Tuesday.. which is where my mental state is at... so technically the week is ahead of me by one day and I like it!

Yesterday around four o'clock Michael texted me (it's the modern couples version of romance...think how much easier Cyrano de Bergerac would have had it if texting was available to him) that he would be home early because he felt like poop from gardening all day on Monday.

Initially I was super excited about the possibility of an early evening but then as the evening wore on with no contact from him and then after I finally inquired about his whereabouts (at 7pm) and he asked if we could pick him up.... and then as we saw him walking out of his building and the uber cranky face was STILL there... I lost some of my zeal and excitement.

Luckily grilled Arty-chokes (and some Cognac) make him happy too and the evening wasn't a TOTAL bust, although I did take my latest 'Mellow' approach to life as an opportunity to gently remind him that sometimes after long work weeks of little sleep that spending a whole extra day off hunched over in the front yard doing hard labor isn't always the BEST way to use said extra day....

I also mentioned that the relaxing nap I chose to take mid-Monday really helped with the sleep deprivation I had been experiencing....I don't know if he actually 'heard' me but hopefully his subconscious will remember it for future three-day-weekends.

Weeds will ALWAYS be there, sleep, rest, Zzzz's, whatever you want to call it and relaxation ya gotta take by the horns!

Tonight's vegetable extravaganza involves Beef (it's a vegetable in Wisconsin) and kimchi. After the to DIE for kimchi tacos we had at one of the nicer restaurants California Adventure had to offer I have been hankering to make them... and after the lady checking me out (my food not ME) at the grocery store yesterday told me she has a friend who makes his own kimchi I am dying to try making that too.....although not tonight because as I said earlier, ya gotta take relaxation by the horns!

Peace,

-V

You wait little girl, on an empty stage...

2009-05-26T16:29:00.000-07:00

3 day weekends are lovely because they allow just a little extra time to relax and spend time together as a family and yet they also suck because they remind you of what you are missing out on during the majority of the two day weekends that life exists around.

This weekend however, the sun was plentiful and so was good food and good company and Michael and I got along beautifully and had a lot of fun together all which made it really hard to say goodbye to him this morning... even though he was in a foul mood and had the uber cranky face on as he walked out the door... I still looked past it only to see his cutey self leaving me. Later the kids even commented that I really didn't raise my voice that much at all this weekend which made me feel simultaneously great about my even keeled weekend temper and sad that I know it won't last ;)

As usually occurs on first days of the week I made my meal plan and grocery list and in the ever changing inconsistent approach to all things in my life I decided to focus THIS weeks meals all on plant based foods...primarily to make up for the 42,000 types of meat chips and sugary things that I consumed over the weekend. I know, I know...this is not helping my weight loss goals and yet I thoroughly enjoyed myself and what's the point of regretting? what's done is done....It's just a good thing I didn't jump on the Alli bandwagon or I would truly be hating myself today!

Lately I have been obsessing about all things Mediterranean, white wine, Mediterranean food...the word Mediterranean (say it three times fast...it's fun!) I don't know why but every so often I start to contemplate finding a life more exotic than the one I'm currently living and it usually starts with a fantasy about selling it all and moving someplace culturally new to me...Michael hates it when I talk like this I think because it makes him feel like he's gotta make something happen... so currently he is unaware of my latest fantasy (Hi honey! it's just a fantasy) and I am sharing it with you instead.

Whenever I read those lovely travel books or see those lovely movies about people who travel to distant places and settle there...hell, even when I watch 'International House Hunters' on home and garden network...I begin to think about the possibility of a new home and exotic life someplace far, far away. Don't get me wrong I would only want this if Michael and the kids came with me, and I'm certainly not UNhappy in my current life, I love our home and being near my family and I adore our friends and neighbors it's more the idea that life is short and I don't want to miss out on fantastical opportunities and experiences.

Then again I try to remind myself that an experience is only as good as you make it and perhaps the key to truly not missing out is trying to make the most of the opportunities that lay before you......like long weekends, having fun with your husband, not raising your voice as much at your kids as usual and vegetable based theme weeks....perhaps the Mediterranean can wait...in the words of Maria Von Trapp "Wa-ait a yea-ear or two"

Peace,

-V

Wieners are a girls best friend!

2009-05-20T18:07:00.000-07:00

Hot dogs for dinner!

Welcome to the cafeteria that is my life!

Last night Michael arrived home after midnight...after texting me 100 times and waking me from the very beginnings of sleep in order to make sure I was up for hanging out and having a little quality time with him (little being the operative word). It's amazing how enjoyable conversing with your husband and having a glass of wine can be at 1:30 in the morning when you haven't seen each other but a few short hours all week.

In sharing with him the news of his families week, as he has even been too busy to read this blog which is usually how he keeps up on what's going on in my life when he can't be home for dinner ;), I mentioned grocery shopping and how I had bought items that made this weeks meals look like a lunch lady paradise and he then changed the subject on me, "Totally unrelated, Do the kids miss me?" he asked, to which I replied..."Well yeah, when I told them you wouldn't be home again tonight they asked if they could get a treat?!" I don't think this made him feel as missed as he was hoping for.

Whereas I become worn down and void of creativity when our work/life balance is lacking the children actually become energized and see it as a perfect opportunity to maneuver in more treats, movies and the possibility that with my being so burnt out they might get to do all the things I usually say no to! "Mom, can we get these tiny boxes of fruit loops for breakfast?" "Mom, we want to give you some 'Me' time because you seem tired...we'll just go downstairs and watch TV all night!!" "Mom, since you have been working overtime don't you think it would be a good idea to buy us some toys to keep us busy?" Man kids are smart.

Okay, whereas I did totally cave on the 'wittle' boxes of sugar cereals (how bad CAN they be every once in a while?) and I have let the kids watch a little more television than usual (Who says it ROTS the brain...maybe just decays it a bit) I did not and WILL not give in on the toy purchase front as I'm tired of spending money on new toys to only find myself carting them out of my house in a donation bag a few short months later! Not to mention the fact that we just got back from Disneyland which is practically the holy grail of childhood fun so I'm not feeling too bad about depriving them of something new to play with.

Speaking of holy grails, we were weren't we? My holy grail at the moment would be an ice cold beer...I haven't had a beer for a while, okay for like a week or so, and with the hot dog I just consumed it seems a beer would have been the perfect accompaniment....except for the fact that most cafeterias don't serve beer....I'm pretty sure the lunch ladies drink it though, how else could you convince them to wear those hair nets?

Peace,

-V

Dietarily speaking...

2009-05-19T17:33:00.001-07:00

This week along with my mellower demeanor I am also feeling totally uncreative in the kitchen.

I attempted to sit down this morning and make up a grocery list and meal plan for the week and did okay with that and then when I went to the grocery store I just felt exhausted and overwhelmed and ended up throwing my list out and purchasing two bags of groceries that look like one of those segments on the Today show where they show you an example of the kinds of pre-packaged and boxed foods one should be avoiding!!

I don't think there was even a single vegetable in the bunch...I know it's sad and yet I just don't care at the moment....Meat, processed 'lite' foods (so lite they don't even need the 'gh') and carbs are what are getting me through the week.

In my attempts to remove the poundage that I acquired on my vacay I have reverted to my previous weight loss measures which include journaling everything I eat, upping the intensity of my workouts and making sure I have low cal snacks available at regular intervals so I won't end up eating things like frozen cookie dough or 40 tablespoons of peanut butter...god I love peanut butter!

I know that Veggies are the PERFECT low cal snack but if I had a veggie addiction I wouldn't even be talking about any of this right now...I have to be honest with myself...when I'm feeling snacky I want salt or sugar!

Last week when I was feeling particularly down about said weight gain I did what I always do which is to research some kind of drastic measure to lose the weight in hopes that there has been a pill created, that myself and Oprah are unaware of, that could stop this foolishness all together! The closest thing that has come out is that Alli that Wynona Judd is now hawking on TV.

Out of curiosity, and my deep down desire to not always have to do the work, I went to their website to see what it entails. At first it was encouraging because I am totally down with journaling and exercise and if I could do all that AND lose 25% more weight why wouldn't I? But then I went on to read about the side effects (a leaky bowl) and how if you *DO* eat too fatty of a meal or have a slip that you can have an uncontrollable bout of the shits at anytime which pretty much made it lose it's luster for me.

I for one want to feel that I can eat something loaded with fat if I choose to and the only side effect is I may regret it or my belly will hang further over my jeans than I prefer versus crapping myself with no warning...That's just NASTY! Think of what it could do to my wardrobe????

So because of my complete lack-there of creativity and the complete lack-there of a meal as a family this week we are eating like we are at summer camp tonight and tomorrow night....Hoagie sandwiches tonight and Kosher hot dogs tomorrow! Too bad I didn't buy any Jello for dessert...I think it's Alli approved! ;)

Peace,

Balance to the force.

2009-05-18T19:33:00.000-07:00

I am experiencing some kind of unexplained complete hormonal BALANCE !

I woke up this morning to Coco puff peeing the amount of a small water buffalo on my living room floor and leaving a turd right in front of the bathroom door and before I had coffee or even used the bathroom myself I let the dogs out, cleaned the floors and put away 3 dozen dishes and surprisingly I wasn't the least bit cranky about it???

The even more bizarre aspect of this is the fact that Michael has so much on his plate right now that he worked all day Saturday, making my weekend but a single day, and told me ahead of time that he would also probably not be home for dinner at all this week.

On top of that the weather is changing back to it's chilly rainy self...If nothing else could put me into the pit of despair this collection of shitters could... AND YET...I am free and easy and takin' things as they come.

It's almost like being on some kind of organic anti-depressant that my body created out of necessity because I really have so many reasons to be a total bitch and yet I just don't feel like it....even my vacation weight gain isn't getting me down...at least right at this moment ;)

I am, however, not taking this mellow state for granted and I am not promising it will last through the week, maybe it's just a lucky Monday, like a lucky penny but a day of the week instead of a piece of pocket change.

Today the kids and I spent the day with my sister and her children, my new baby niece is 8 weeks old now and just as cute as can be....I got to spend a LOT of time holding her and enjoyed myself so much, it reminded me of when mine were tiny like that and how much I enjoyed them. As I thought of this I started to think back on that time and then I wondered did I really enjoy them that much or was I so exhausted that blocked most of it out?

I do remember moments of snugglyness but I also remember that they were sandwiched in between so much work and lack-there of sleep that perhaps I didn't actually enjoy it as much as I should have...considering that they are the only two children I plan to have....Unless Michael is my starter husband and I decide to marry a wealthy, much younger man at some point after our children together are off at college ;)

Seriously though, the time spent holding a baby when your only job is to hold and enjoy them, the diapers are maintained by a parent, their food is provided by another breast and all your role requires is cooing, patting and sniffing those little pink roles on the back of the neck is simply heaven.....If I didn't already know just how much work that is required to do all the rest of it and hadn't done all of it myself...TWICE...I would totally be hankering for one of my own ;) As Michael likes to put it..."Your Ovaries are Barkin'!"

Peace,

-V

Fat Ass

2009-05-14T17:27:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how quickly the I have bounced back from this vacation into my usual cranky self. The afterglow didn't last as long as I'd hoped, I did however manage to gain a few pounds which won't be as easy to lose as my good mood. Yuck.

I sometimes hate the realities of my achingly slow metabolism and my above average appetite, it's just seems like an unfair combination...I know, I know it's not actually my metabolism that is faulty it's more my desire to overeat and hope that somehow it won't come back to haunt me by landing on my ass...it always does though, so when will I learn?

Probably never.

I have come to the realization that there are two sides of me, one side has the desire to be healthy, live consciously and feel good about myself and the other side likes to push the envelope, have more fun than I should and hope that it won't catch up with me...like at some point I'll acquire the ability to throw caution to the wind and eat to my hearts content and all of a sudden it won't affect my bathroom scale! Why can this never be true?!?!?! I think I like to believe that there are actually people out there like this but in fact I think it's a HUGE lie that we, women especially, perpetuate.

I HATE those supermodely types that claim to eat anything they want and still remain the size of a 7 year old child....Bullshit! I just don't believe it! I also hate those articles you read about extremely fit woman where they say that they eat like horses and just exercise and that keeps them slim...I don't believe that either, unless of course they got that magic metabolism that I keep dreaming of catching like the flu. I wish more women would be honest about what it takes to stay thin...It takes a lot of WORK! and unfortunately it also takes awareness, desire and more often than not eating so little and such boring foods that you get to that space where food is simply sustenance and you don't mind passing it up because it tastes like eating cardboard in the first place.

Okay so that last part was a little negative I admit but that's the way I am feeling at the moment about it. My jeans feel tight and that pisses me off. Ahh post vacation joys....

The sad part about my issues with food and weight is that in general when I am feeling as cranky and pissy as I am right now one of the things that makes me feel better is something yummy to munch on! I am not and have never been one of those women who gets the same kind of thrill from a brisk walk or a yoga class as I do from a brownie or a plate of pasta which seems to be my kiss of death right there.

When I was a baby my parents used to always say I was built for comfort not for speed and unfortunately that has followed me into my adult life, the only thing that has gotten me to where I am at this point is being tired of the lack-there-of- clothing options when your substantially overweight and I feel better about myself when I am of a more average size and can move about without losing my breath....Other than that I am a fat girl at heart and I think I always will be...Hmm that was pretty negative too.

Honestly I need to find a happy place, I need to focus on the fact that I can get back into my healthy routine and get to the spot where I actually come to enjoy it, primarily because I feel better and my clothes fit better...but secretly, deep down I will always fantasize about being born with that magic metabolism, you know the supermodely one where you eat to your hearts content and it never catches up to you...Yes Veruska, there IS a Santa Clause!

Peace,

-V

Anal retentive is the new black.

2009-05-13T19:42:00.000-07:00

Sadly even after a 6 day vacation in sunny 70+ weather, returning to the grey rainy abyss and Michael not coming home for dinner is depressing.

I think returning home from vacation is always a bit of a downer but combining it with temperatures in the upper 40's?!?! (yes it was 49 degrees as we landed) and then getting the "Hey honey, I'm swamped and I won't be home for dinner" call just made the entire day extra special..annoying.

I know I really shouldn't complain, and yet.... I will.

Overall vacation was lovely, Disneyland was way better than I had imagined and the weather was beautiful. The kids bickered off and on, Michael and I bickered off and on and then I had to remind myself that this is what family vacations are all about, someone or other is always in a mood! The upside of that being that when we did have those times that everyone was laughing, and felt content it was truly EXTRA special which is why I think families need family vacations...a good chunk of time together is what allows for those magical moments! "Ya take the good, ya take the bad, ya take them both and there ya have..." I think Mrs. Garrett was really onto something there.

The sad part of this realization however, is that just as we all really started to get along nicely it was time to go home!

As we left for California Michael had just put in about 2 solid days at work (with four hours of sleep in between) and was far from 'relaxed' and I too, having parented alone for two days straight and done all the last minute running around, was pretty far from relaxed, at that point however we were both so excited to be going away that the adrenaline was keeping us going.

Fast forward to the following evening after getting up at 4:30 to get on our flight and then driving around until our hotel room was available and at this point we were both exhausted and cranky and the kids had spent the entire 4+ hours in the rental car either fighting, playing with the power windows or clicking and slamming the little glove compartment contained within the armrest so many times that I wanted to rip their hands off.

I will admit that I was a bit premenstrual, I still am which might explain my 'glass half empty' view of everything at the moment, but I just seem to have such a hard time letting go and letting things fly sometimes?!? Whereas in our daily life there is ALWAYS tomorrow, when on vacation...time is limited so as my tension got higher and I KNEW I was being anal as the day is long, I was having conversations with myself in my head about how I was being difficult and bitchy and I needed to chill out and YET... I still didn't just let go.

When I feel like this I have such little patience, with Michael, the kids...I feel like I need to be in charge of everything and what I want more than anything is to be in charge of nothing! I want both my body AND my mind to go on vacation!

Honestly I will say that these bouts of anal retentiveness were also accompanied by moments of ease, usually induced by alcohol and/or sleep.....let's just say that the 'petite suite' we had wasn't as conducive to adult relations as Michael and I had hoped so, as we like to joke, it was more of a platonic vacation than we had hoped for which might explain some of the pent up aggression....but Disneyland is a theme park for people who enjoy good clean livin', Mickey has no genitalia so why should we use ours?

All that being said, I'm glad we had the experience...whilst in Disney I did feel a bit like a little kid again, the warm weather was awesome and hanging out together as a family, warts (bickering) and all is always wonderful.

In my family whenever we have a crummy vacation experience, we get lost or have a horrible meal one of us always chimes in "This is gonna make a GREAT story someday!"

Peace,

-V

I can't think of a clever name for this one so this IS my clever name.

2009-05-04T17:25:00.000-07:00

So, Coco Puff (the bulldog) is suffering incontinence and all I have to say is Ewwww.

Yesterday, while lovely and enjoyable, was much soggier than I like as it seemed everywhere we turned dog urine cropped up. It's not shocking that she would suffer lack there of bladder control as she is old as dirt and has had a million litters of pups (Just to clarify we got her AFTER she was a breeding dog).....her vagina has seen far to much action to remain controllable.

So this morning in a panic I took her into the vet and sure enough, they have a pill for that!

The vet told me it's very common and is due to hormone changes...just like in women who have gone through menopause which makes me depressed and wonder just how long I have before I will start peeing myself as well? Oh well life can't be all wine and roses....urine and roses maybe.

Last night we watched National Lampoon's Vacation, the first one where they go to Wally World, and it made me so excited about our trip to Disneyland in two days that I almost wet myself! God I love that movie, I love Clark W Griswold with a passion, probably because I'm married to a man who shares far too many traits with him and Chevy Chase and my Father could be twins.

It's true, My dad has been mistaken for Chevy Chase more times than I can even count and yes, Michael always puts expectations on events and vacations that no family could ever live up to...come to think of it when I was a younger women I was told once or twice I looked a bit like Ellen Griswold (Beverly D'angelo for those of us 'in the know') now if only Thelonious and Fela were completely different children every time we traveled the circle would be complete!

Over the next two days I am attempting to try and use up everything in the fridge in hopes to not go grocery shopping before we go and so as not to leave food in the fridge that we will have to toss upon returning from vacation. As a result I am finding meal planning to be a bit of a challenge as we have a really bizarre mixture of things...

I have a Beef roast which we were GOING to make this weekend but the weather was too nice on Sunday to do anything BUT barbecue. I have a small rack of lamb that Michael pulled out of the freezer and was GOING to make on Saturday before he got the southwestern chicken jones.... And I have about 6 pieces of sour cream cake with cream cheese frosting.

Right now I'm leaning towards rack of lamb with rosemary and garlic perched upon a slice of sour cream cake...with a side of beef.

I'll let you know how it turns out.

Peace,

-V

We got the funk...

2009-05-01T17:03:00.000-07:00

It's Friday night and the feelin's right...oh yes it's Friday...you get the point.

Ahh it's beautiful and sunny today and although it's not supposed to last I'm okay with it because vacation (all I ever wanted) is next week!!!

Oh my god I cannot tell you how much I am looking forward to some time off...It's like a person who is crawling through the desert in search of water coming across an ocean, with a luxury cruise liner and a pitcher of Margarita's....That much.

Even though the swine flu has whipped all media outlets into a frenzy, all local area stores are completely sold out of hand sanitizer and the vice president, in a major snafu, told the American people that he would advise his own family NOT to travel, we are getting on that fucking plane next week and going to the hap Hap HAPPIEST place on earth regardless...and we are going to have so much fun our ears hurt! Even if we catch the swine flu at Disneyland I am going to still be so damn happy to be vomiting and experiencing a bowl numbing bout with diarrhea because at LEAST we have some time off and are in a warm sunny climate.

But for right now, it is the weekend, we are barbecuing tonight and I have some new lovely bangle bracelets that make me want to travel to India and eat curried meats.

Fela's spring piano recital is on Sunday and the theme is 'American composers' so she is playing the classic 'Lean on me' which I have heard played so many times this week I am singing it in my sleep. For the afterparty, also known as post recital refreshments, I am making an American Flag cake with blueberries and strawberries creating the Red White and Blue...although I have thought about using M&M's for the 'fun' factor....because that's how I roll.

Right now it's all about the FUN(K)

Peace,

-V

Possible side effects may occur.

2009-04-27T18:03:00.000-07:00

I think I have developed adult onset allergies.

I just don't think there is anyway that I could still be suffering from the same cold for over six weeks, and it seems to come and go which is odd as well.

The sad part of all of this is that there is nothing I can actually do about allergies even if I were to find out that is in fact what I have, because prescription medications and me...well we just don't mix, and I refuse to even go there at this point for fear of a third nipple or sprouting horns or something!

I have a terrible history with medicine that started back when I was a baby and given penicillin, for who knows what??? Well this *was* the early 70's when they gave out prescription meds like candy for anything and everything that ailed you...if you wanted to lose weight they gave you prescription speed for gods sake so I'm sure the penicillin was for tummy troubles or a cold or something...anyway it made me break out in hives and so my parents stopped giving it to me.

Because of this early childhood reaction I have always told persons prescribing me medicine that I was allergic to penicillin so when I went through a bought of chronic sinus infections a few years back I was prescribed a different antibiotic to deal with it and it seemed to be doing the trick until our house came down with a sudden infestation of fleas and I started going nuts scratching the palms of my hands and the balls of my feet.

Of course I immediately got flea meds for the dogs and removed all the bedding in the house washing them in hot water...it wasn't until I started vacuuming all the mattresses that it suddenly dawned on me that *I* was the only one itching? The kids were fine, Michael was fine...so I called the on-call nurse and asked her about the antibiotic I was taking and she said "Umm, you need to stop taking them, that is an extremely rare side effect of that particular drug?!" Needless to say I stopped taking them.

I don't JUST have issues with antibiotics though, right after Fela was born we took the kids on a little weekend getaway to the San Juan Islands to stay at this rustic little cabin in the woods and on the ferry ride over I noticed that I was really feeling the movement more than I usually did. Once we got to our cabin it seemed, though it was fairly new, that the floors of the cabin were extremely UN-level....not thinking much of it and being sleep deprived with a new baby the weekend went on even though I periodically would find myself noticing a lack of balance that I figured was simply due to a sinking foundation.

Once we returned home and I thought it seemed like our own home had also begun to sink I decided to seek a medical opinion and when I did they told me I had Vertigo....While Vertigo seems kind of chic and romantic, you know James Stewart and Kim Novak, I didn't look nearly as good as Kim with that little pin curl updo and I also had a babe in arms and felt like I was going to literally fall over at any given moment which was a little scary!

When I talked to the on-call nurse (Yes I don't actually like SEEING a doctor I just call the nurse, they're much nicer and more informed anyway) she recommended I take Dramamine to calm the symptoms due to possible water in my inner ear, so I went to the drugstore and got some. As soon as I had ALREADY taken it I read the warnings about it causing drowsiness, mind you I was home alone with a 3 month old and a 3 year old!! I remember calling Michael at work to tell him about my little conundrum and him thinking I sounded like I was drunk! I literally couldn't form a sentence without slurring my words.

The worst however was my experience with percocet after I had my gallbladder removed two years ago. At first it was lovely because I was so out of it and couldn't feel a thing but on night two when I started hallucinating and told Michael I wanted to hold his hand so I could touch something living it all got a little weird.....the next morning we both decided percocet wasn't a good pain relief option for me and I moved over to ibuprofen.

So as one might imagine I just don't have any interest in trying my hand at any allergy medication.....the one upside to my affliction however, is that I could never be addicted Vicodin or Oxycontin, or one of those other drugs that are all over the news as housewives everywhere seem to be on them, because it would be SO obvious...with the third nipple and the horns and all.

Peace,

-V

Chocolate chip cookies are the Devils Tool!

2009-04-23T17:26:00.001-07:00

This week has flown by.

I'm not sure how this happened but I think it might have to do with my incredible intelligence, humor, good looks or sense of timing... or maybe it's just because time flies when your having fun, I must have been having fun... Hmm I didn't think I was having such an incredibly fun week, I even remember points within it in which I was in a downright shitty mood and yet here it is Thursday and I am surprised by it.

Yesterday my little dog went to see a groomer for the first time ever and I was a little nervous about it so I did what any good mother does when she's nervous about one of the umpteenth things that depend on her...I made 4 dozen chocolate chip cookies. It seemed like a really good idea at the time until I pulled out the garbage can of cookie dough last night and Michael said, and I quote, "Whoa! What did you do THAT for?" then he reached for a spoon and gave me that knowing look...the one that ANYONE who is *not* naturally born with the ability to scarf down cookies (and cookie dough for that matter) without seeing the results in their pant size as soon as they reach for a glass of milk to go with...that one.

Yes Michael knew, and I did as well, that having 4 dozen cookies, or the dough in which to make them, readily available in OUR home was a BAD idea.

Luckily Michael and I both suffer from metabolisms that aren't as fast as we had hoped for and so we share the burden of sometimes being the 'Dietarily conscious' one (although that's more often than not me), the 'Ooops I blew it' one or the down and dirty 'Let's be BAD' one...last night we waffled between being thoughtful and being a wee bit naughty....which I actually think is the best way to do it.

Everything in moderation, even moderation.

The worst run of Lack-there-of moderation was shortly after Thelonious was born. I weighed the most that I ever have, had a new baby and was absolutely exhausted and honestly food, and LOTS of it, was one of the few things I still had the energy to enjoy. It all came to a head one evening when we had nothing sweet in the house so Michael and I decided to put pancake batter in the deep fryer and then sprinkle it with sugar, it was actually quite good but we got rid of the deep fryer the next day....we both just KNEW! For some reason this particular culinary excursion sticks out in my mind as a turning point in which we felt we had gone too far. 'Let's be BAD' was no longer fun anymore and eating anything and everything I wanted to now just felt kind of sad.

It's been almost 9 years now and with lots of hard work and determination, plus another baby which allowed me to start ALL over again, I have lost and kept off 85 pounds. Honestly it is a constant struggle to stay 'moderate' as I love food and I LOVE making it, I enjoy the rituals around food and I really do love eating. Luckily I have discovered that I also prefer a little REALLY good food to lots of crummy food and that fitting into ones pants (without an elastic waist) after a meal is also rather enjoyable. I have even become one of those 'Exercise' people, you know the kind that get cranky when they can't workout, which is really kind of shocking to me considering my history.

So what am I doing with the large tub of cookie dough in my fridge you may ask? I am going to freeze half and leave the OTHER half for the weekend, because I think we will be hosting our weekly family dinner and between 6 adults and 3 kids I think 2 dozen cookies (give or take) should be moderate enough....don't you?

Peace,

-V

It sounds classy when you pronounce it 'Port-o-lay'

2009-04-21T17:39:00.000-07:00

Portable toilets are the WORST!

Who honestly thinks them to be a good idea for anything but disaster? And why is it that human beings take the access to a port-o-john as an opportunity to use the most DISGUSTING bathroom etiquette possible?? Has potty training in our country really sunk to such an all time low?

I realize that for some young men, early on in their using the potty career, that aim can be difficult but as any good mother knows, your kid whizzes on the toilet seat and you extend the courtesy to dab it up a bit, or throw toilet paper on it at least....grown men and WOMEN whizzing on the seat and just leaving it is a whole different issue and one I just don't care to contemplate because all I can figure is that it will then inevitably lead to a discussion about mental illness and/or drunkenness.

Though being mentally ill and/or drunk is something I might actually relate to, taking the largest crap of ones life in a plastic box is something I just can't. I understand that sometimes the urge to go hits at the wrong time but I think the only possible way that I could sit down in a port-o-potty to do my business is if I was so ill I couldn't actually process what I was doing. Otherwise I would hold it.

Today's park adventure with plastic potties contained both tinkle covered seats AND one of the largest and most projectile poops I have ever witnessed in my life... and I have KIDS people!

After taking Fela to the potty and seeing the gut wrenching conditions of the only bathroom available to us I then got to endure a disgust that can only be understood by women (unless you are a man that hovers over the toilet seat in which case you would be taking a poop in a sani-can and therefore I cannot relate to you) which is attempting to hover in one of these hell holes.

This afternoon after holding my pee for 5 1/2 hours and knowing I had a good hour long drive home I finally gave in and used the potty myself, yes the one with the pee laden seat and humongous crap, but of course because it was such a disaster I felt the need to avoid placing my backside anywhere near one of it's surfaces and in doing so I found that my face was repulsively close to that plastic funnel that is supposed to be a urinal. The only saving grace to being required to get as intimate as I did with the plastic bathroom is hand sanitizer, lots and LOTS of hand sanitizer....if it were up to me I would have showered in it upon exiting the port-o-let.

I must sadly admit that the one downside to having a female child is the necessity of a toilet and I personally mourned my daughters desire to potty train when she did because, as a woman myself, I knew.... I knew that once you like to sit down to urinate...at some point you will inevitably be face to face with...one of THEM!

Peace,

-V

The sad truth.

2009-04-20T16:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I hate how parenting can bring out the worst in me.

I would love to be able to write about my methodical and patient parenting style, the way in which I listen to my children and try to understand them and give them all the space they need to voice their needs but the reality is that more often than not I think I fail at all these grand notions of good parenting and instead tend to let my heart, mood and gut lead me...sometimes it works out pretty well, other times it bursts into flames leaving behind the bitter swill of failure. Today has been a bitter swill day.

My honest hope, deep in my gut is that my children feel loved and forgive me for my failures as a mother. They are already very aware that I'm not perfect because they have witnessed me making enough mistakes followed by my apologizing/admitting "Man, I was way out of line" Or "Well your Mom really fucked that one up" My hope is that the fact that I'm human won't be detriment to their childhood and they will still love me and want to call me or have dinner with me every once in a while once they are adults.

I KNOW I am being overly dramatic and yet, I enjoy being overly dramatic because sometimes being a parent FEELS overly dramatic...lotta ups and downs in this job.

Why is it that mothers can take a single behavior in a child and spin it our of control into future failures, divorces, homelessness and possible prison time versus seeing it as a poor choice in the moment or a bad day? That also sounds overly dramatic yet it is in fact true and the only thing that saves me from such paranoia is talking to my own mother and finding out that she too had those same feelings and I turned out alright!?.... Didn't I?

Oh shit, now my kids are probably destined to suffer the same less-than-perfect-parenting skills when they have kids and will also suffer said extreme spinning of rough days into long term failures and all I can do is be a council to them when I'm a Grandma to their kids....is there no end to this madness? Is this just in my genes? Or is this just what happens when you are more invested in something than you have ever been before in your life?

I don't know, I don't seem to have all the answers, just all the questions and a knack for the dramatic.

Peace,

-V

Oops my geek is showing.

2009-04-16T17:51:00.000-07:00

I'm having a hard time writing with my Jesus band-aid on my finger due to the portion of skin on the corner that I bit off that made it bleed.

I know, what a horrible habit...and yet at 37 I continue to try to stop chewing on my fingers, succeed for a little while (nail polish) and then fall back to my old ways (I blame the peeling nails for this!).....I think that perhaps the big lesson to be learned in life is ultimately how to continually fall off some kind of wagon or other and then how to continue to get RIGHT BACK ON!

With every bad habit I have ever had, be it finger chewing, eating too much, not exercising enough, it always seems that just when you THINK you have mastered the issue is when the universe snickers at you and decides to throw you a curve ball...a few months later one finds themselves realizing they have fallen back into their old ways and wondering where they went wrong?

Ultimately this makes me wonder why all the things that are good for us and we SHOULD be doing are the hardest things to maintain? Like Kanye sings "Why everything that spossed to be bad make me feel so good?" Honestly, eating too much and drinking too much, spending too much money and being completely irresponsible is super fun (I don't know if the finger chewing is THAT fun)....and yet it also gets one into a buttload of trouble and ultimately makes life suck...how unfair this creator of the universe is.

I remember when I was a much younger person thinking that if I could manage to maintain discipline in just a few major areas of my life, for the REST of my life, I could never be stopped! However the older and smarter I get the more I realize that the real skill is the ability to find said discipline, lose said discipline, and then find it again without taking too much time wallowing in the fact that you lost it in the first place.

It's all about starting over just as the sting of failure has subsided.

Perhaps *that* is the meaning of life and not 42 after all?

Peace,

-V

Marital bliss

2009-04-15T15:56:00.000-07:00

I am avoiding Oprah today because I'm tired of hearing about Internet child predators, sexting and all the other unsavory things that technology has brought along with it.

Instead I have decided to spend some time with you, whoever you may be, who may enjoy reading about all the unsavory things that marriage has brought along with it.

Last night Michael got home late so we literally ate dinner and then got right on to the business of loafing with the kids, so it seemed that the two of us really didn't get much of a chance to talk until we tucked the kids in and went to bed ourselves.

I really love that portion of the evening, right before you nod off to sleep some of the best conversations arise...Like the one we had on Monday night about all the nasty little dogs we have ever known...Fosto, Moosta, Quincy, Pudge...with names like that how could they be anything but AWFUL!... I don't really remember what last nights conversation was about but I do remember I fell asleep laughing which makes for a good nights sleep.

This morning I woke up much earlier than I usually do because I had promised Michael that I would make him an Americano with the new mugs I got. When Michael came upstairs from working out he said "Do you think we need to eat more vegetables? Maybe we'd have more energy if we ate more vegetables!" I hate lines of questioning like this because they immediately put me on the defensive since I'm the one who does the majority of the cooking around here...It's like the equivalent of me saying "Do you think we should make more money? It might be easier if we made more money!"...I know it's not exactly the same but it feels that way.

After a long back and forth about what food products energy comes from and my insistence that protein equals energy and veggies serve the purpose of providing fiber we then decided to go round about the topic of what element could be missing from our daily lives that would allow Michael to be one of those people who gets up at 4am and doesn't go to bed until after midnight.

According to Michael he knows several people that rarely sleep and feels like a slouch for enjoying, and more often than not TRYING to get at least 8 hours...I quickly felt the need to tell him that on the Today show 'The Experts' on the topic of sleep say that getting 8 hours is extremely important for overall health and well being and greatly reduces your risk of all kinds of cancers and heart disease! Michael then quickly came back with the issue that he gets at least 8 hours and is STILL exhausted hence the questioning on the whole veggie front, I retorted "Well last nights ENTIRE meal was veggies!" and then added "What did you have for lunch yesterday?"

At this point Michael turned to the creamy Americano that I got up EXTRA early to make him and muttered "A Reuben"....Of course I took this opportunity to flex my nutritional prowess and let him know that a Reuben at lunch was NOT the way to increase energy to which he remarked "What's so bad about it? It's meat and sauerkraut and bread?" I then added "And Cheese...but it's a ton of calories" and he then said "Well it was all I ate yesterday besides dinner!"...."Which was all veggies!" I reminded him.

After that we both took a moment to listen to Rich Marriott's weather forecast and sip our coffees a little further, then I began my usual comeback when Michael questions what we may be doing wrong in our daily routine, which is to immediately blame any kind of exhaustion on the lack there of a vacation and/or some crazy work week that may have occurred to which Michael got frustrated and said "You always blame it on that!"

Knowing that I *DO* always blame it on that I got more indignant and said "Well it's been OVER a year since we've had a real vacation...we probably just need some unencumbered down time!"

At this point Michael went into the kitchen and got himself a big glass of water and drank it, he then got another one and drank that too.

It was then that he walked back into the bedroom, looked at me and said "I think I was just dehydrated! I feel great now!" I refrained from pointing out that on the Today show all 'The Experts' say that hydrating ones self is extremely important for overall health and well being.

Peace,

-V

New-style American housewife!

Green shoes and no duck!

From Bitchy to Beachy

Never judge a recipe by it's greenery!

Sunshiney goodness!

Short Rib Ragu....

She's all GROWED up!

Special.

Giddy Up!

There's no place like home...

Smooth and creamy.

The Trouble With Veruska

What do March showers bring?

I'm not old, I just act that way!

My addictive personality.....REVEALED!

How did a post about life end up with a quote about a burger?

Oh to be topless and timeless...

CRAPricorn.

Great things are AFOOT...and shockingly it has nothing to do with shoes!

Pork and Martyrdom

Chit Chat

Better.

Obla Dee Obla Da

Sometimes I suck.

Slugs are people too!

Why isn't complainy in Webster's dictionary? It really should be.

#1

Practically perfect in every way!

Hot flashes...and whatnot.

To hoard or not to hoard...THAT is the question!

Sparkle and Fade.

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.

Ode to a sweater dress...

Flair!

Hibernation and meat.

You can do it Duffy Moon!

Boobs, ass and leftovers.

Cankles can be fun!

The terrible, horrible, no good, very bad Mom...

Hence crankiness... and whatnot.

Bragging and beef cheeks.

Butt cracks and whatnot.

Vroom Vroom!

Heavy on the Cinnamon, easy on the Cloves...

In the year, two-thousand...in the year, TWO THOUSAND!

Hair today...gone tomorrow.

Join hands and hearts and voices, voices, hearts and hands!

Can we talk about me for a minute?

Fall is so fetching....

Just some random Sunday thoughts I was thinkin'

Ants in my pants.

The poopy stuff.

The UN-fun things in life.

Anything at all...

In all this shit there MUST be a pony!

To sweat is human, to bitch is divine....

Vehemently stimulated.

When life gives ya peaches...

Barking relentlessly

Burgers, silk blouses and pearls.

Breathe.

Engulfed Inflamed

To Hair is human.

Mmm I love that sunshiney goodness....

For what it's worth.

The 10

Time Waits For No One

Damn you pie crust!

Boring is as boring does.

Cheeeeeeeeese Gromit!

Paula Abdul was right!

The cash-on-hand conundrum.

Baked on goodness.

Veni Vidi Bitchy!

Thank god I'm a country GIRL!

Keep your fork THERE'S PIE!!

Wasting away again in Fashionistaville...

How much is that doggy in the window *arf* *arf*

Veg et al

You wait little girl, on an empty stage...

How much is that doggy in the window arf arf